Saturday, August 04, 2007

Newboob

The Anonymous Photoshopper has improved me yet again.

I am a bit afraid of the newboobs. They seem demanding, like they'd have special needs. Obviously, they'd need elaborate bras. But on top of that, a set like this would require grandiose introductions and maybe even their own titles. Try Queen Lolly Fruit and Lawdy Georgia Duchess. Seems like the RealDoll owners like the enhanced Erin.

My regular boobs are very low maintenance and agreeable. If there were a Beer Test for boobs, they'd pass for sure. No splendorous underwire Miracle Bra? No problem here, the girls will just hang loose and enjoy the ride. They aren't expecting any miracles. They know the score These are the sort of boobs that will make you a nice Ham and Swiss on rye (with mustard or mayo--your choice--and a pickle and some chips on the side). My boobs will get you a cup of coffee. Those newboobs? No way would they get making with the Poly Perk.

For more of then Anonymous Photoshoppers efforts, click here.

26 comments:

Amy said...

I like you much better before the Photoshopper does his devious and culturally predictable work.

Jim Winter said...

Photoshopped Erin is the girl you take in the restroom for a quickie and forget about.

Real Erin is who you want to take home because you want to make her breakfast the next morning.

Bobby Farouk said...

Will they make me a good reuben? I would do a lot of stupid things for a decent reuben.

Anonymous said...

If I weren't straight, I'd be a lesbian! You have very beautiful breasts. (And I love Ham and Swiss!)

~DogsDontPurr

Ms Baroque said...

I notice the photoshopper didn't manage to get rid of the bathroom floor for ya... selfish bastard.

Erin O'Brien said...

Amy: I had coffee with the Photoshop Erin and she just stared out the window with a vapid Stepfordian grin on her face. She nodded and added more and more sugar to her coffee. "Oh RealErin," she'd say, "you're so spirited."

JW: At least they both get laid. And what's for breakfast, anyway? Creamed chip beef over toast with OJ, please.

Farouk: Hm. Things might get tricky with 1000 Island dressing. Do you mind bottled?

Dogs: "I'm not a lesbian, but I'm a big fan," is one of my favorite quotes. Can't remember who said it, though.

Ms. B: I know. And I also realize that he didn't really make my boobs bigger, he just made my waist smaller. What's that tell you? He thinks I'm fat!

Nin Andrews said...

Well, I'm late on this comment list, but I'm with Amy. I mean no way do I like the new you. Sorry photoshoppers of the world. Nobody touches up our Erin!

EBEZP said...

Your boobs are wonderful and beg for photoshopping but the results don't do them justice, so leave them alone!

Erin O'Brien said...

Nin: I'm so glad you didn't say: "Nobody feels up our Erin!"

Ebezp: Forget all this photoshop stuff. Will you come do my makeup? And another thing--I can't help myself from being a frequent lurking visitor to your dirty site.

josh williams said...

Fine boobs Erin. I of course do not look at boobs unless asked, a gentleman always, thanks for asking. JWW

Lipp said...

Eff photoshop
and eff the last one too

Anonymous said...

Erin,

Photoshopping this image was a hoot. Totally cracked me up.

Watching your readership tie themselves into pretentious self-gratifying Politically Correct knots over the image is ....well....tiring.

....talk aboout 'culturally predictable'.

John L Sheppard said...

Speaking of the Real Doll, there's this gal:

http://www.chicagoreader.com/features/stories/ourtown/070803/amberdoll/

ajooja said...

Aw, man. They fucked up your floor!

I hope there's no structural damage. :)

Libby Spencer said...

Newboobs are so haughty, I could never feel comfortable hanging around with them. They look like catty little gossips to me - er big gossips.

Regular boobs are the ones I'd be friends with and even trust my secrets to.

By the way, I don't hate the floor. We had one exactly like it when I was growing up. I used to count the tiles while I was taking a dump. It was something to do when I ran out of reading material.

Erin O'Brien said...

JW: You mean I had to ask? Jesus effing hell, Williams, don't tell the next woman that.

Lipp: Photoshop is like a sophisticated coloring book.

Anon: Tell you what, forward me before and after photoshopped pix of you and your wife, along with your real names. I'll post them and then you can solicit comments and decide if they are tiring or not. What do you say?

JLS: “I put myself in my own mock porns. I was not only sexualized but I was also hyperfeminized.” Good god, I thought I was insufferable. How can you stand to be in the same city with her? eek!

Ajooja: No worries. The floor and I can both take what photoshop dishes out. We might not be perfect, but we're tough.

Erin O'Brien said...

Libby: The newboobs have flaws just like the rest of us. I caught them loading Double Dutch Chocolate ice cream onto an oatmeal cookie in the middle of the night a couple of days ago, so there's that.

Amy said...

Wow, "anonymous" really doesn't know me--calling me and Nin (author of "The Book of Orgasms") politically correct. But then again, we don't really know who anonymous is. He (I'm assuming, but there I go again...) is well-hung, has rippin' abs, and wears glasses he doesn't need to look "intellectual."

I just like the real Erin. Not the Barbie Erin.

Trée said...

I prefer the old boobs.

mizjosie said...

Im wagering newboobs tips over a lot. This could certainly get in the way of making with the poly perk. (Nothing political here, you understand, merely a physics-type observation....)

Erin O'Brien said...

Amy: Thank god someone finally said "orgasms." I've been waiting all day!

Tree: Baby, I take that as a compliment, but could you not call them "old boobs?" Maybe "original boobs" instead.

Mizjosie: I agree. The entire operation seems a bit unstable.

Norm said...

I find anonymous misogyny tiresome.

Breasts, though, never get boring.

Anonymous said...

Amy, I don't know you. But your 'culturally predictable' line was preciously appropriate before and after my comment. Thanks for the idea.

Norm, erm....now son,,,how did you make THAT leap of shitty reasoning?

Erin, I think you're combative and full of shit. Your thoughts?

Renee Somebody said...

Darling, I like original Erin in all her glory...if there was ever a chance to get snuggly, I'd be afraid of accidentally snapping newboobs' spine.

Erin O'Brien said...

Norm: Why is that with men? Men love boobs! You might find one or two more here.

Renee: You think she has a spine?

n said...

so they gave you a smaller waist..it was the tile floor that needed the change.