Sunday, January 22, 2006

The story unfolds, vol. four

I go to a party. There are beautiful funny people at the party. I drink at the party. I eat at the party. I consume a Jello shot at the party.

I quote Flamingo several times. "There's always room for Jello!" I say. The beautiful people at the party laugh when I say this. I use my tongue to urge the Cointreau-flavored Jello from the tiny plastic cup.

I come home. I have a nightcap (brilliant). I go to bed.

I wake at 5 a.m. and unconsume the last one third of things I consumed at the party as well as the nightcap. Apparently, me and Flamingo overestimated the human stomach's endless Jello capacity.

I go back to bed and dream of Flamingo and Garrett. We are driving down a long Texas road. We are in a convertible. We drop Flamingo at a warehouse. There is a truck in the warehouse. It is full of cherry-flavored gumdrops that are shaped like hearts.

"I am happy to be here," says Flamingo, smiling gleefully. He is large, somewhat misshapen and is wearing suspenders. I smile back and scoop up a pocketful of candy hearts.

Garrett and I continue on.

"You're not the sort of person who nicknames their car," says Garrett. He has long wispy hair that flies in the draft of motion.

"That's right," I say. "I am not."

I wake covered in a thin sheen of perspiration. I rise and float from the bed to the computer, where I find Garrett's latest commentary on my novel.


garrett said...

"Unconsume" is my new favorite euphemism.

jungle jane said...

I cannot stop visualising Flamingo bathing in cherry gumdrops in a pair of suspenders. Flamingo suspenders are, i suspect, a very specialised item of clothing not easily available for purchase.

Stephanie Powers said...

Larry King is the only person I can think of who wears suspenders. Not a good visual.

Erin, after you expelled most of what you had imbibed, did it occur to you to use some kind of citrus mouthwash? I am just curious about the gumdrops in the dream. Did you gargle at 5 am with something sweet?

Was Satan at the party? Is he stalking you? Or was that PDD?

I wish I could have seen you at the party. Did your index finger meet your bottom lip in a gesture sweet coquettishness?

Let me know.

Erin O'Brien said...

Someone recognized me.

"You're Erin O'Brien!"

Beer. Wine. Everyone was kissing everyone else.

I was kissing everyone. They were kissing me.

There were firemen there.

Lots of kissing.

"I love you, man."

There were men with Scottish accents. "Fucking haggis," they said, "fucking drink."

My husband was at work. My daughter was at grandma's.

I brushed my teeth after I hurled at 5 a.m. with a strong mint-flavored 12-hour anti-gingivitis paste. Then I washed my hands and face and applied a patchouli scented moisture cream before going back to bed. Despite these efforts, the taste of bile lingered in my throat/sinus area.

All of this is nonfiction.


Captain Carl said...

Aye...that be a wonderful story lass...Carl would love ta see Flamingo eating candy hearts in rainbow suspenders. Me thinks you should give him some monoply money too for good measure.

Tis be a great blog, one I'd be tellin the crew about fer sure if they didn't already come here

P.S. Can Carl by yer book at any local retailer or does he have ta special order it.

josh williams said...

A Neti pot works wonders for your sinus's. I want to buy and read your book and then I will review best I can. As you have from my observations read at least one of my reviews you may not be surprised that my review consists of vignette's of my life or things relating to stuff that are stuck in my skull.I'm part Irish as well so that counts for something,good or bad~` How do I buy your book? (I do not want to have a biased opionion, I am as you have seen very strict and non corruptible when it comes to my reviews) But I being in high demand as a reviewer I demand you sign the book and say something that makes me look cool. Deal? JW

josh williams said...

I bought the book via Amazon, you need to tell me what to write on the inside cover so its all ligit. I aint no phoney you know! So if you will give me some good things to write to myself. Kind Regards Josh (jonathan)

josh williams said...

You need to read my buddy Roscoes stories they are fun and involve Monkeys, Robert Johnson and Motorcycles. JW

TheBlogSnob said...

Is this the kind of party that ervyone dresses up as animals? because BadGod tried to get me to go to one of those. He's odd.

BadGod said...

Shut up, BlogSnob. I told you to stay home. You know it was Friday. And that means the "gold pill" day. Anywho, I just went for the food.

PDD said...

You droped off pinky to meet me.

Pinky, did we have fun?

FLAMINGO1 said...

Yeah, PDD, it appears that Erin ditched me at the warehouse and left with Garrett.

I hope I ended up getting more than a truck full of gummy hearts and a wave goodbye!

I am also wondering why I was misshapen? Did I look like Lennie from "Of Mice and Men"?

FLAMINGO1 said...

I want to set the record straight that I am not misshapen.

I am perfectly honed to the shape of a pear.

I understand that we do not have control of our dreams, but I am hopeful that, with this information, your subsequent dreams of the large pink one will have more accuracy.

I would also have preferred a truck full of that chicken pot-pie instead of the gummy-hearts.

And more nudity.

Erin O'Brien said...

Gee Flamingo, I thought the candy hearts were sort of sweet in a way.

And a whole truckload of them no less!

I will try to train my dreaming self to paint a more pear-like image in the future.

I am off to bathe in self-delusion, whiskey, rejection and sadness.

Woefully yours,


nicole said...

Yes, I'm definitely a new fan of "unconsume." Elegant yet effective!