The inside skin

It was eight or nine years ago, maybe more. We were at Conneaut Lake Park, which was torn and frayed and holding on by a thread, but I loved the tiny old amusement park just the same. Eric and Jessie and I were bumbling around the Devil's Den and Tumble Bug and Blue Streak.

At some point, Eric and I sat down on a bench while Jessie ran off to a ride. A gram was seated next to us. We engaged in small talk.

Two little boys, soaking wet from the Cliffhanger Falls water slide scampered up to her. One was in trunks, the other wore an over-sized tee that hung almost to his knees. They were somewhere between nine and 12 years old.

"This is Tommy and Brenda," said Gram.

Brenda?

"I don't know why she's hiding her pretty swim suit. I just bought it for her."

The kid tugged at her sagging wet tee. "It doesn't look right, Gram," she said.

"Why are you always so funny, sweetheart?" Then Gram turned to us. "You should see her when I get her dressed up, which isn't very often. All the pretty dresses I buy her ... "

She fumbled through her purse and pulled out a handful of snapshots.

"Aw Gram," said Brenda. "Don't."

"She hates it when I show the pictures."

"Gram, can we have some more tickets?" said Tommy.

The kids ran off to the water slide. Gram showed us the pix. They broke my heart. This poor unhappy kid in pink and ruffles, looking down.

They struck me as rural people of modest means, so did most of the people that went to Conneaut in those years. It was in decline and very inexpensive.

We saw the trio several times during the day. Each time, the kid was looking down, tugging at her clothing and folding her arms over her chest (she was not overweight). The vibe she gave off was unmistakeable.

I'd never encountered such an obvious and innocent case of transgender. I swear, I could not find the girl in that little girl. She was a little boy, despite the first indication of breast development.

Unwarranted relief, of which I am not proud, washed over me each time I saw Brenda. Thank god Jessie does not have this problem, I thought. Thank god she is will not have to face persecution.

I hope that kid made it. I hope that kid didn't end up hanging from a rope or strung out on heroin. I hope and hope and hope with all my heart.

yeah, yeah

I'll be honest, folks. I do not care much for Caitlyn Jenner's money and celebrity, but I respect the fact that she has made life easier for little boys like Brenda. 

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120 years gone

Musings on Conneaut Lake Park, which opened in western Pennsylvania in 1892 and is a bit torn and frayed, but still hanging on. View an expanded high resolution photo set here.

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Look at you sitting over there playing with yourself. 

Cut it out already. Get off your duff. You need to come here and you need to come here soon.

Now I'll admit that this place is a bit rough in spots.

But on the bright side, it's not very crowded. In fact, you probably won't have to wait in any lines at all.

Here's the thing: sometimes you find the rarest gems in the least likely places. For instance, the Goat is standing in front of one of the oldest and ricketiest wooden roller coasters in the world.

Yes, you can still ride the Blue Streak. No you don't get anchored down with some thick metal yoke. You sit in a gondola and hold onto a bar. And when you go over the swells of this ancient beauty, you get old school air time. You either know what I'm talking about or you don't.

No, you will not feel safe.

Oh ferchirssake. That's a Tumble Bug and it's one of two or three left in the world. Get that? In the WORLD. For two bucks you can ride it yourself and hear it's old-man sounds and ride it's buxom swells.

This carousel is more than one hundred years old--almost as old as the Goat--and another two clams will get you the privilege of hopping onto that surreal bunny, or the llama, or the bear, or the sea dragon, or one of the traditional horses (candy ass).

Will you dig this Kiddieland sign? Talk about a nightmarish clown. This one was created before people knew what a nightmarish clown was. HELL YEAH.

Is there any doubt the non-operational Haunted House is actually haunted? I think not. 

You walk around this place for a while and you'll want to take pictures of everything, including the defunct Round-Up.

People, this is a pretzel dark ride, which is also rare as hell. Again, no competent padded steel safety bars, just an old-time gondola with a bar across the front. You load in and scale a little hill, then get thrown around a crazy track with creep-o stuff jumping out of the utter blackness--all courtesy of gravity.

You have to smell it to believe it.

Another two bucks to take a blast through the Devil's Den. Or you can buy an all-day wrist band for $15 ($20 band includes unlimited rides on the Blue Streak.)

The water park is a little dry these days.

But this is what trying really hard looks like.

Admission, by the way, is free. Also, all of this glory is situated next to a magical place called Camperland.

Talk about your beautiful life.

Bye for now, Conneaut. I hope we both make it to next year.

 View all of these photos plus oodles more in high resolution.  

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