Hey man, you ever see a Toynbee tile? Come on, take a hold of my sleeve and we'll fly. Don't worry, you can do it. It's easy. Just grab a hold.
See? It's not so bad, like gliding in a dream. Okay, here we are--West 3rd and Prospect. Time to land.
There are Toynbee tiles all over creation, but no one knows what they mean. You're talking your real-life mystery here. No one knows who put them there or quite how they did it. You want to believe that vapors might seep out of the Toynbee tile that you could sniff up like the Oracle of Delphi and have visions. And if you don't get any vapors and visions, maybe the thing will emit mysterious rays that'll fly you up to space where you'll learn important space alien secrets.
Well, maybe not.
But hey--it's still a Toynbee tile and it's right next to
the Ritz Carlton, where you have your Ritz doorman with his long stiff coat and
furry hat. Although he looks sort of like one of the guards patrolling in front
of the Wicked Witch's castle (sans evil spear), he's totally cool. Instead of
being all I'm-the-Ritz-Doorman-who-the-hell-are-you, he's utterly righteous and
even asks people diggin' on the Toynbee tile (like us) what they think the crazy thing is all about.
Who needs vapors and space rays? You're talking to the Ritz Carlton's front man. You're seeing that Toynbee tile.
You are so down.
Brother, you see those empty lots down there like missing
teeth lining the streets? Every one of 'em used to have a house that's since been torn
down on account of that being a better option than leaving it vacant. But
sometimes this town's heart beats strongest where the fabric is
worn thinnest, and while this neighborhood may be torn and frayed, the
heartbeat at the Slavic Village Deli will not be denied.
Now up front you've got your deli. You're talking your homemade Polish sausages and bakery--old school from the bottom up. And the pretty girl with the Polish accent and the apron hanging around her hips in a way that makes boys swoon will wrap up all your stuff in white paper so perfectly, you'll practically weep. Now follow me. The dining room is in back.
Slow-cooked kielbasa and sauerkraut? We've got that. Cabbage
and noodles? Check. Homemade mashed potato and stuffed cabbage? No problem.
Now, I'm not trying to freak you out or anything, but sometimes when you eat a slice of the poppy seed pound cake, your eyes will get all goo-goo and your heart will grow three sizes too big like that green ol' Doc Seuss dude. No, no--don't worry. It doesn't hurt a bit.
Hey man, you ever see a blimp house? Come on. Grab the sleeve--you know the drill by now. Let me take
you over to the blimp house.
Wow. would you dig that.
I know. You're wondering about the blimp activities going on inside the blimp house. Of course the blimps may be out blimping, but even so, you want to yell: Hey man! What's going on inside that blimp house?
I know. You're wondering about the blimp activities going on inside the blimp house. Of course the blimps may be out blimping, but even so, you want to yell: Hey man! What's going on inside that blimp house?
Don't worry. It's perfectly normal to become excited while
visiting the blimp house. It happens to most everyone.
Wouldn't it be great if the blimp house magically opened up and released a whole bunch of
blimps like so many giant balloons? They'd all come floating out
of that blimp house and go up up up in the air and blimp around the sky.
And if none of that cool stuff happens, you can still
be happy that you are visiting the blimp house. You can smile. You can wink.
You can inhale. You can exhale.
You can dance madly backwards until the world disappears.
* * *
