Saturday, July 25, 2015

You don't see this coming

Goat and new friends

So you're ambling around downtown Bedford, Ohio, and you are intrigued by a shop called Kulis Freeze Dry and so you step in.

Who expects to be greeted by a rhinoceros? No one, that's who. Yet there you are beside a full size stuffed rhino that was killed by a bow and arrow in the mid 70's during the last legal hunt of the animal.

huh.

The charming proprietor entertains your curious questions (when was the shop established? 1967. Is it still owned by the Kulis family? No, Mr. Kulis did not have any children. Do you get a lot of pets? I won't do pets anymore. That dog gave you all he's got to give).

The giant alligator frozen in an open-mouthed snarl in the back of the shop, incidentally, came up from Florida.

"That's as close as I need to get to the likes of him," you say.

Later, you will wish you had asked about the process, the training, the regulation and the emotions that go along with this business and how the hell did they get that rhino over here from Africa all those years ago? but alas, there are too many other things on your mind, so you say your thankyous and step back out into the world.

Passing by the rhino on your way out, however, you feel the  unmistakeable tug of the animal's lingering energy and the fleeting concept of a graveyard washes over you.

yeah, yeah

You pass a tattoo shop. Your stomach growls with hunger. You squint your eyes against the late afternoon sun.

You walk towards infinity.

*  *  *


8 comments:

Anonymous said...

Hiya Mz E...

Next time you're in Bedford with a growling tummy walk south on Broadway a couple hundred yards to Sirna's. GREAT tavern food and nice people. Introduce yourself to Leo.

-Department of ' Krazy But True,' there was for many years another taxidermist in Bedford. In the SAME BLOCK as Kulis. I suppose it was the same phenomena as all those mattress vendors parking it outside the Original Mattress Factory and gleaning crumbs.

MR

Anonymous said...

If you walk toward infinity in Ohio you're at risk of getting pepper sprayed.

RJ

Anonymous said...

Please tag the Goat, I am confused.

Just kidding

JOG.

Erin O'Brien said...

You know, MR, Bedford is holding it's own. We did stop for coffee, but next time we'll dip into Sirna's. As for getting pepper sprayed, RJ, I don't think that infinite risk is limited to Ohio's borders.

You know how I felt in that place? Sort of like I felt once in a wax museum when I got separated from the group and was alone amid the statues of a bunch of dignitaries. It's very weird, but the presence of such realistic likenesses is unmistakeable. The Rhino felt like that. The heads to a lesser extent.

The woman who ran the place, incidentally, struck me as someone who loved animals. There was a dog loping around the shop.

Anonymous said...

--Erin--

Not an hour's hike from that shop is one of the most spectacular parks sites in the entire area, the old stone railroad trestle. When I first saw it as a kid it felt like sneaking into a cathedral via the back door.

MR

Erin O'Brien said...

That park is why we were in Bedford. Stay tuned.

Dick Cheney said...

Well I'll be a son of a...! I ain't seen that big fella in years!

I don't wish to be the bearer of bad news but that proprietor misled you - I took that sucker down with nothing but my bare hands and my love for America.

(Rhinos are Democrats)

Unknown said...

This story rang a bell. Here's one from when The Plain Dealer discovered Mr. Kulis back in the '90s.

TAXIDERMIST PUTS A FREEZE ON ANYTHING NOT MOVING PETS, HUNTERS' TROPHIES PRESERVED THE NATURAL WAY

SARAH TREFFINGER PLAIN DEALER REPORTER
Publication Date: June 29, 2000
Page: 1B
Section: METRO
Edition: FINAL / ALL


"It's much more natural this way. The quality is better than conventional taxidermy." Joe Kulis, taxidermist

BEDFORD, Ohio -- Joe Kulis' store is just like a pet shop. Except the animals, well, they're all dead.

Kulis, 57, is a taxidermist. He specializes in freeze-drying pets and hunters' trophies - from Fido to Bambi.

"It's much more natural this way," said the owner of Kulis Freeze-Dry Taxidermy in Bedford. "The quality is better than conventional taxidermy."

Indeed, Kulis' creations look like they are in the prime of life. Nearly 75 percent of the animals are freeze-dried. Others are just too big for the freezers.

Kulis' store is like a small zoo - a showcase of dogs, cats, birds, fish, deer, brown bears and even a black rhinoceros. Some of the animals are permanent exhibits and others are customer orders, works in progress that need to be prepped for posterity.

To do that, Kulis removes the dead animal's internal organs and implants a form of insect repellent. He takes out the eyes and inserts marble-like replacements.

Kulis then poses the animals - dogs go into a sitting position and cats look like they're sleeping - and moves them to the minus 10-degree freezer. The entire process, which takes about five hours for a dog, ends with a session in the freeze-dryer and costs about $700.

He said conventional taxidermy involves skinning an animal and sending the skins to a tannery, where they are turned into leather. Then the skins are placed over a mold that resembles the dead animal. All internal organs are destroyed.

Although the prices are comparable, there is no shortage of pet lovers opting for the freeze-dried treatment.

The taxidermist will probably charge $2,000 to freeze-dry a 175-pound canine. The price is right, Kulis said, because his work is guaranteed to last.

"There's no chance of thawing because I take out 100 percent of the moisture," Kulis said. "In freeze-drying, ice crystal turns to gas, so there's no shrinkage."

Kulis uses his $25,000 freeze-dryers on more than mammals. He makes bait and pet treats, restores water-damaged documents on occasion and preserves prized fish, which cost between $125 and $325.

Kulis explained his prices: "When I started freeze-drying in 1969, I was the only one in the country doing it. There are now close to 40 people in the business, but most have rudimentary skills.

"I get bears shipped here from Alaska, and we do stuff that came from hunts in Africa," said Kulis, an accomplished hunter and fisherman whose many adventures earned him the nickname "Kastaway."

One adventure happened inside his store nearly three decades ago.

When Kulis was just starting out, a customer sent him two Alaskan brown bear hides. Since the bears had been protected by Alaskan laws, Kulis was fined $350 for possessing them. Now, he said, whatever comes into his store must be tagged by the authorities as fair game.

These days, Kulis' clients include the Cleveland Metroparks Zoo and African safari-goers.

He is currently making a rug out of a bear that already has been skinned and tanned in the conventional fashion. When he is done stretching and trimming the animal, Kulis said he will ask his 86-year-old mother, who works part time in the store, to sew felt on its back. The finished rug will cost about $800.

"People who want quality come here," said Kulis, host of the long-running television show, "The Outdoor World of Kastaway Kulis."