Wednesday, June 18, 2014

The jury is in

Weird photo, Cuyahoga County Justice Center

Dear Lord, I apologize in advance and ask you to please forgive me, but some things just have to be gotten through.


Before I leave the subject of last week's jury duty to rest, I am compelled, dear reader, to recount the only harrowing experience of the event, which played out, ironically enough, on the elevator.

A rather corpulent older gentleman and I were waiting on the lift to take us to our respective higher destinations. Ding Ding went the indicator bell and one of the doors in the elevator bank predictably opened with a smooth pneumatic whoosh. A smug thirtysomething man in a sharp suit sauntered out.

Me and the fat guy went in.

We were met with a little gift from the previous occupant: a noxious cloud of flatulence, of which I will offer no further description.

Unfortunately for me, my co-rider was only going to floor three. Since I was going to the fourth floor jury staging/waiting area, I had to withstand the onslaught for the duration of my ride as well as a complete stop.

I cupped my hand over the nose and endured, eyes squeezed shut, whilst beads of sweat popped from my upper lip.

When I relayed this story to the Goat, he remarked, "Guy was kind of doing a 'pay it forward' sort of thing, huh?"

Pay it forward indeed.

*  *  *


lucy beckett 1935 said...

I'll take the fat guy over that phony bastard in a sharp suit! And the Goat speaks the truth!

Anonymous said...

Obama did it.


Michael Lawless said...

I assume you were not met by a crowd at your destination when you were all alone with no one else to blame? Damn barking spiders.

Erin O'Brien said...

You know, I was so frantic to get out of there, I barely noticed if anyone was getting on the elevator.


I wonder if someone here in Cuyahoga County is telling the same tale about a short brunette in a striped shirt. SAY IT IS NOT SO.

Anonymous said...

I had the same experience, except that i was the perpetrator. I was waiting for the elevator in my apartment building when I was seized with a painful abdominal cramp. I did not intend to "expel" in the elevator, but it arrived and I was running sort on time; so I got into the elevator. The elevator was empty, so I felt as if I could expel safely and privily. So, as Patrick McGinley has one of his characters say, I unleashed a "replevy" that would awaken the dead. As luck would have it, the elevator picked up passengers, people who knew me, on the very next floor. Busted!
Senex Ægypti Parvi

Anonymous said...

They call that 'cropdusting'. Only the 'dutch oven' and the 'juicy loosey' are worse.

DEF-initely Anon on this one...

Erin O'Brien said...

Oh dear ... I knew this was not going to end well.

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