I don't know exactly when My Gram Soos purchased the FSFA, but it was surely in the 60s or 70s. It's bequest to me was like any other such transfer of goods (Erin? Do you want my Farberware Percolator? I don't use it anymore, but I don't want to throw it away. It's a perfectly good percolator!) I reluctantly accepted and relegated the FSFA to the cabinet above the stove, while my gleaming 12-cup Braun graced the counter top.
The Goat and I were married in 1992. The Braun was one of our wedding gifts. It died after a year or two and, thinking that the failure was some sort of fluke (we're talking a Braun here), we replaced it with the exact same model. After all, the carafe from our first Braun was still perfectly good and wouldn't it be nice to have an extra if the carafe on the new Braun broke?
The second Braun (of course) died after a few years with its carafe completely intact. At that point, I tossed the second crapped out Braun and both unbroken carafes.
|Humble Hostess displaying|
Poly Perk, circa 2006.
The miserable thing turned on BY ITSELF in the middle of drinks and nibbles. It sparked and dumped water all over the counter top like some sort of goddamn appliance terrorist attack.
And what was the stand-in for that event? The FSFA of course. The FSFA was the stand-in between the Brauns and the Cuisinart and a couple other models I'm probably forgetting.
Fast forward to this morning. The French press refused to press courtesy of stripped threading on the plunger (which had admittedly been deteriorating for some time). I proceeded with a predictable oath-peppered tirade and then, also predictably, I pulled out the FSFA, put in the water and the coffee, plugged it in and after a few minutes of burping (the FSFA, not me), I poured a cup of regular shitty American coffee exactly the way my Gram Soos did some 40-plus years ago and exactly the way my kid will do 40 years from now.
Hence, one ancient FSFA > two Bruans, one Cuisanart, one French press and at least one or two others I cannot remember--call it at least $400 in coffee makers.
People, behold everything that's wrong with America.
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For the curious, I still have the Poly Perk (pictured). Although I have not used it in some time, it presumably still works and therefore garners a Honorable Mention from Yours Truly. Click here for more information.
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