Monday, July 23, 2012

What a crock

One of my trusted associates sent me the following recipe on April 25 in the year of our Lord, 2012.

*  *  *

Do this when pot roasts are on sale. And buy two of 'em. Giant Eagle had them for $2.99/lb last week, so for right around $13, I got a shit ton of beef.

Brown those bastards in a Dutch oven. I just throw them in the pot and rotate them so all the sides are nice and brown, even the thick side parts.

Some people add a little oil to the pan, but I think that complicates things. It takes like 5 minutes to get them crispy-ish if you do it over high heat.

Then you throw them in a crock pot. Take a packet of Italian salad dressing seasoning - the kind you're supposed to mix with oil in a fancy cruet to get Italian salad dressing. I've never done that. Sprinkle that sodium-infused, probably-MSG-laden mystery powder all over the browned cow. I like to do both sides, but whatever. And then you pour in a can of beef broth - I use the fat-free, low-sodium stuff, because I think the regular stuff is way too salty, but don't make a special trip to the store to buy it. I don't think you'll die if you use the regular broth, just drink more water with dinner.

Cook that stuff in the crock pot for a lot of hours. Like, 10. When it's done, you take two forks and shred it up. Throw it on the rolls you made from your pepperoni roll dough recipe. Au jus, because of the broth, and oh man, is that stuff good.

And since you made two roasts, get this - you can freeze the rest and you have another dinner just waiting for you on a day when you feel like you might die if you don't eat some truck-driver food.

Seriously, Erin, this mess is tasty. 

*  *  *

Naturally I found my associate's recommendation intriguing, and I would have immediately undertook the task save for one glaring obstacle.

I did not have a crock pot.

The starkness of that admission stands alone and I will not embellish it with further commentary.  That said, although I am frugal, we are not penniless. I could easily afford a Cuisinart PSC-650 6.5 quart stainless steel programmable slow cooker or one of the lesser models, but frankly, purchasing a new crock pot struck me as obscene. After all, I live in suburbia: a land rich with duplicate gifts and redemptive garage sales. I'd find one used.

Although it took a few months, I finally unearthed this beautiful object at a yard sale and procured it for five dollars.

Experienced crock pot.

Although I plugged the unit in to verify operation before handing over my wrinkled bill, I did not thoroughly inspect it. And when I got it home the Goat discovered a tiny nick in the cord, which he reluctantly repaired.

"Maybe you should buy a new one."

"It's fine!"

Crock pot repair courtesy of Goat.
With everything newly intact, I sought out one three and one-half-pound pot roast, one packet of Good Seasons (You make it fresh!) and a can of beef broth. Although my associate feared the addition of oil as a complication, I browned the meat in rendered bacon fat nonetheless; and then followed the rest of her directions to a tee.

The result? Incredibly tender meat piled on one of my homemade rolls drenched in a rich and salty poor-man's au jus. I sprinkled sliced scallion on mine and the Goat had his straight up.

This was easily one of the best sandwiches I've ever had the pleasure of constructing, or more succinctly:  

This mess is tasty!


40 comments:

Joe said...

Chuck, rump or bottom round roast? Cover the meat in liquid or just braiuse it in the Crock pot? One pack o' seasoning? Finely shredded or rough?

For once in my life I have lots of questions and few answers.

Contrary Guy said...

Crock pot 'Italian Beef'... my ex-gf used to make this for Xmas pot lucks every year. Except I don't think she used the packaged flavoring, she used some arcane recipe which left the house smelling like this stuff for days after the overnight stew session.

But it IS tasty...

Vince said...

Ha, redneck. Or, as we say here 'you can take the woman out of the bog but can you take the bog out of the woman ?'. :-D

I've read that this is the sister dish to the deepfried chicken of the deep south. Is the next step not a smoke cabinet.

I can't read those bloody wavy words

Erin O'Brien said...

I used a 3.5 pound English cut pot roast, one packet of Good Seasons and one regular can of beef broth. That was it.

I browned the meat up pretty good in about a tablespoon or two of bacon fat, then put it in the crock pot with the seasoning and broth on low for about 8 hours.

The trick with these sammies is in the buns. You need something that won't fall apart when your drench them in the au jus. I make my own homemade rolls, but you could use a good baguette or hearty sausage/hoagie roll. The regular dollar hamburg buns will not cut it. They'll fall apart like wet tissue.

Also, I thought the raw scallion was a perfect topper for this one.

As for word verification, I had it turned off for the longest while because it's so damn impossible. Then some peeps started getting odd redirects from my page and I found something malicious in the HTML coding of the widget that lists recent comments in the right-hand sidebar.

So sorry to say that I'm going to leave the word verification on for now. I do not like to use it, but that malicious coding may have had something to do with the infiltration.

Good christ. You'd think I was talking about an international espionage ring.

Vince said...

No probs. I thought is was on the followers thingy on mine. I got so racked off with blogger with all it's tracking crap that I moved to Wordpress. But that has it's own set of issues.
Whoever came up with the saying 'if you aren't paying for the product, you're the product' nailed it better that I gave him credit.
Anywhos. It not it's presence, but it's blurred legibility.

DJCinSB said...

I've been doing a similar recipe for years: a hunk o' discount beef, a package of Lipton's onion soup mix (powdered dehydrated goodness), a cup o' water, and a crock pot. I don't brown first, just slow cook all day on medium, turning the meat ever hour, and if it's thick, slice it through the middle after the first 4 hours. Then for the last hour or two (usually two), raise it to high, and add a couple of diced potatoes. It's done when the potatoes are soft. Yum!

Sean Craven said...

1. Instant Italian dressing mix is the secret ingredient -- the eleven herbs and spice -- in KFC fried chicken.

2. I just use the same batch of broth over and over, freezing it between batches, until it gets RIDICULOUS and I make a batch of soup or chili or some gravy-based extravaganza. I'll take a good pot roast over a mediocre steak any day.

Sean Craven said...

O)h -- I like to take shredded leftover pot roast, grill up half an onion, throw on the shredded meat, top with a slice of cheese, and then deck the whole thing out in a sandwich with hamburger accouterments.

And use that crock to make beans. Just clean some beans, throw them in there with a ham hock, and there you go. A crock pot is a necessity for the way I cook.

Al The Retired Army Guy said...

I don't use a crock pot, though I can see why others would. For me, it's just easier to use a Dutch/French Oven and the actual oven itself. Even heat all around, and it does the same thing as a crock pot does. And yes, you can let it go all day like you would a crock pot.

Now, if you're in a place without an oven, then yes, a crock pot is a viable alternative. On the other hand, I have an induction burner that I use, so for me a crock pot is still not a necessity. And the best thing about an induction burner is you can get the pot hot enough to sear the item being cooked, and then reduce the heat down to braise it gently for hours.

As for the browning vs. not-browning conundrum ...

At about 310 degrees F, something called the Mailliard Effect occurs. Essentially, all those juices/proteins/sugars etc. pulled to the surface area of the meat by the heat of the pan make contact with the pan's surface, and at 310 degrees F begin to brown, creating further compounds. Those compounds contain tastes we like (bitter, bittersweet) in beef, and that's why many recipes direct one to brown meat first before finishing the cooking process via another method (braising in this case). BTW, browning does not seal in juices, contrary to popular belief. Don't believe me? Get two steaks of the same size and weight. Weigh them both prior to cooking. Sear one and don't sear the other. Place both in a roasting pan and place in the oven. Cook both to the same temperature, allow to rest, and weigh again. You'll find that they pretty much weigh the same.

At 320 degrees F, caramelization is pretty much complete. Anything past that and you have burnt nastiness.

Al
TRAG

Sean Craven said...

Hey, Al!

I think that you actually do get better results from using the oven than using the crock pot. That said, if you're leaving something to cook unattended, the crock pot seems safer than the oven, and the energy use is less. I feel guilty when I use energy in a profligate fashion...

And your points regarding browning and the Maillard reaction are dead on. If you're going to get the best use out of your crock pot, you have to be willing to do some cooking.

Al The Retired Army Guy said...

Sean - I'd have to look at energy use between an oven and a crock pot. My oven is electric, and also convection, allowing me to cook at a lower temperature in about half to 2/3rds the same time. A pressure cooker would do the same thing (I have one of those as well).

Al
TRAG

Anonymous said...

@ Sean...as soon as I read this I thought about the KFC thing. I believe it's been debunked as an urban myth...anyway, I've tried it when frying chicken and I get better results with a little salt and a half-ton of pepper...

MR

WV: "51" is not a word...It's that place in the desert where they keep the alien corpses under wraps...

PS-...hmmm...alien corpses...crock pots...I think we have the concept for the next great restaurant chain..."TGIA"..."Thank God It's Aliens"

Erin O'Brien said...

Sean has inspired me to explore ....

As for the beef sammies, we finished them off last night. So so so so good.

Anonymous said...

Hmm...it's the tomatoes that caught my eye...some salt, lottsa pepper, a drizzle of oil amd vinegar...

philbilly said...

Bog women are fine.

Anonymous said...

Borg women, on the other hand, are creepy...
MR

Al The Retired Army Guy said...

Geez ... I didn't inspire anyone ... ;-(

Al
TRAG

Erin O'Brien said...

Al, you inspire in a larger context.

The Goat and I think you should start up a food truck:

Al the Retired Army Guy's MREs

Or Al's MREs for short.

SERIOUSLY.

Anonymous said...

@ Al TRAG-always, big guy, always...

MR

Al The Retired Army Guy said...

@ Erin: If I sold MREs, I'd go bust in a week. Trust me on that one ..... ;-)

Al
TRAG

P.S. You haven't lived unless you've had the dried pork patty in the earliest version of the MRE. Yes, that's right, dried pork patty.

P.S.S. I really like it when the assembled folks here talk food. No politics, no right or wrong, no snide commentary, just food. Keep it up, folks. I'll be here.

Erin O'Brien said...

Al, you know what I mean. It would be the perfect "hook" for that market.

Al The Retired Army Guy said...

@ Erin: Oh, I'm sure it would be ... I could get old MRE bags/boxes and sell stuff out of those....

Hmm....

Featured menu items at Al's MREs ....

The Bill Burger: 100% Angus Beef, served only with red vegetables as toppings. As in Republican Red ...

Erin's Pepperoni Rolls: 100% Organic Bread Flour, Pepperoni made using only organic and free range pork, hand-made mozzarella from free range water buffalo, tomato sauce from 100% organic roma tomatoes and basil, personally approved by Michelle Obama. Oh, and you can only buy one if you drive a Prius. Or a Mini Cooper. Or a Goatmobile, or something similar. Comes wrapped in an Obama Campaign wrapper, along with a 15% "fat tax."

Freedom Fries .. oh, screw that. They're French Fries, OK? Served with house made ketchup or Mayonnaise. So French, they're guaranteed to make you drop your rifle and surrender to the first German you see upon the first bite ....

RJ's "Tennessee Twister" Hot Dog. So good, even Cooperstown' "The Big Unit" is jealous ....

Geez, I crack myself up sometimes .... ;-)

Al
TRAG

Al The Retired Army Guy said...

And the above is meant in jest, no politics involved. Just some levity based on some of the folks I've interacted with here and previous conversations, that's all....

Al
TRAG

Bill said...

I'm honored, Al, to have a burger named after me. It would, no doubt, be the most popular item on the menu.

Al The Retired Army Guy said...

@ Bill: Somehow, I don't think Erin would ever select that as a menu item .... ;-)

Al
TRAG

Anonymous said...

MRE,, ahh memories, mostly crappy, after about a week or so.

JOG

Al The Retired Army Guy said...

MRE - during the Gulf War, I got to the point where I'd only eat the chicken and rice MRE, as it had M&Ms, hot sauce, and cheese spread, plus crackers. I weight about 175 pounds back then. When I got home, I weighed 148.

Al
TRAG

Anonymous said...

I didn't lose that much weight but I did clear the house out when I got home, my wife and kids thought something had died.

JOG

philbilly said...

My buddy came home from the Service with several cases of what were then C-Rations. Another friend worked at Schmidt's brewery, got a deal on a short fill keg and off we went camping in January in the Allegheny Forest. We set up the tent on the back of our pickup, built the fire on an I-beam hanging off the tailgate. Blizzard, near zero every night. After a night of cards, C-Rats and drinking, the air in that tent was hilarious. Blazing Saddles.

Al The Retired Army Guy said...

"Would you like some more beans, Mr. Taggert?"

"I'd say you boys have had enough!"

The Beans and Franks MRE was one of the worst if memory serves. C-Rat beans and franks were much better.

Hmmm ... I wonder what cassoulet would look like sold from a food truck ... talk about beans and franks ...

Al
TRAG

Erin O'Brien said...

oh great. Old guys are on my blog talking about farts.

Al The Retired Army Guy said...

@ Erin: Look at it this way .... at least we're not in the Offices of Erin O'Brien farting ....

Al
TRAG

P.S. "He's farting all over the stage!" - From the movie, Hollywood Knights (Robert Wuhl's character Newbomb Turk was doing the farting)

Erin O'Brien said...

Now here's a couple of real Al's MREs:

"Schmeer" on a Shingle:

A generous portion of smoked salmon and marscapone pate infused with dill and smeared on herbed crostini (two pieces). $8

The Grenade:

1/2 ear northeast Ohio sweet corn flash deep fried and seasoned with cayenne pepper flakes and sea salt. $3

The Civi:

One quarter pound USDA prime beef slow braised and shredded on a weck bun with a pickled Walla Walla onion relish. $9

That was exactly the price range and caliber of the fare at this event.

I swear I am so fucking down.

Erin O'Brien said...

Where the hell has RJ been?

Anonymous said...

@ Al TRAG-I don't get a menu item?

MR

PS-Take that beef, hit it a good barbecue sauce like Sweet Baby Ray's, a whole chopped vidalia and some sweet relish...

Al The Retired Army Guy said...

OK, MR, you asked for it ...

MR's Meatloaf - beef/pork/veal, served open faced with caramelized onions and a guinness gravy. Only twist is that in honor of Obama, you order it, and the guy/gal behind you pays for it ...

Once again, I crack myself up ....

Al
TRAG

Al The Retired Army Guy said...

OK, MR, you asked for it ...

MR's Meatloaf - beef/pork/veal, served open faced with caramelized onions and a guinness gravy. Only twist is that in honor of Obama, you order it, and the guy/gal behind you pays for it ...

Once again, I crack myself up ....

Al
TRAG

Anonymous said...

Thank you Al, but thanks to God I am still picking up my own checks, most times.

And despite I'm 53 with fake hips and a bad back, my meat seldom loafs. Let's go with a meatball sandwich on a Gentile's sub roll with buffalo mozzarella and some of those tomatos Goat is enjoying on the side.

MR

Anonymous said...

"tomatoes" I hate typos...

MR

Erin O'Brien said...

Amazon thinks that as someone who has shown an interest in slow cookers, I might like to see their current slow cooker bestsellers.