Sunday, January 15, 2012

Dear Tim Tebow,

First off, let me come clean: you could write what I know about football on one square of toilet paper.

Gram Soos knew cute buns.
I know the football is the oblong brown one with the two white circle/stripes and that my Gram Soos used to say that football players had "the cutest little buns" (usually accompanied by the assertion that "it's a well known fact that body-builders are not well-endowed").

I don't know about your buns or whether or not they are cute (they probably are, Gram Soos knew some stuff). I do know you're A-list football, A-list God Squad, and that you do some kneel/pray thing that your other God Squadders dig, which brings me to the point of this correspondence.

I think you can see that gassing on too loudly about your God Squadliness can get you into trouble. Because today while everyone's talking about how the Lord helped get you as far as you got, they're thinking that it wasn't quite far enough.

Just an aside question: Is Newt Gingrich a dead ringer for BamBam Rubble all grown up and then some (with a bad case of gout), or what?

Oops. Sorry about that. Hard to stay focused, what with the Righties so worried about who you're going to endorse and all. Well ... maybe they're not quite as worried today as they were, say, yesterday.


My whole point is this, Timster: God Squadliness is one of those things you probably should keep sort of quiet along with your sex life, your guns, and your money. The more you crow about some things, the further you push them away.

Once you give something power, watch out. And trust me, you're the only one who can give power to the Lord or the money or the guns or the sex.

Guess that's about enough of that. Better luck next year, kid.

Love, Erin

*  *  *


alphadog said...

I'm not in disagreement about Mr. Tebow over flaunting his religion in public. But I will say, in this age of phonies and millionaire ghetto trash sports stars, from everything I've seen Tim Tebow is the genuine article. I guess if my kid was going to choose a sports figure to idolize I'd rather it be Tebow than say, Maurice Clarett.

VideoDude said...

I don't like the idea with people starving in the world, that 54% of Teapublicns think God is helping Tebow and the Broncos win games. I would think if you were a christian this would be an insult to god!

Erin O'Brien said...

Agreed, Alph.

When I first heard of this guy and his prayer-thing, my internal editor let out a big groan. I just knew that his religion would play directly into every opportunistic announcer's and sports writer's hand.

Lo and behold, Huff's headline today was: "No Miracle for Tebow" or something like that.

VD, all I can say is when I saw the kerfuffle with the Tebow/GOP endorsement stuff, I really rolled my eyes. As I alluded in my article: will the GOP homecoming court care about Tebow as much now?

It's a shame to me as the kid seems sincere.

Nin Andrews said...

I always wonder about the god who is making or helping some guy win or lose a football game. I guess it isn't that surprising. I read some study that said a lot of born-again men pray before sex, and say it helps. Others say they fear god watching them have sex--maybe he's kind of like a giant peeping Tom. I guess, whether he's in the football stands or outside your bedroom window, either way it could screw up or improve your performance. I mean, who wants to disappoint a god like that? But talk about pressure!
I guess I've never had my own personal god, so I can't quite keep up with the logic.

Big Mark 243 said...

The last couple of posts I have done has been in response to the feedback in the salons of culture and media about Tim Tebow.

I disagree with him putting his status out there as much as it is what people want to talk about. Why does what he does with his 'Tebowing' and all gets scorned while we accept all other manner of self-congratulatory jesters not only in sports but in real life?

No, I think that the reflect that he causes folks to see when they look into their mirror is what causes all this grief. People could not wait to watch him fall, the same folks who scratched at and diminished his accomplishments. Right.

I think the way the 'debate' has gone about Tebow has been poorly managed... but that is me...

Chris "Chicken Wing" Quigley said...

I'm no fan of Tebow (Or God for that matter), and his earnestness is a really easy target for ridicule. Too easy, honestly. I think that, instead of focusing on his merits (Or lack thereof) as a football player, Americans on either side of the Tebow discussion just couldn't wait to latch onto yet another bullshit narrative, which seems to be all anyone cares about anymore. Never mind that the games themselves should carry enough narrative weight (Keeping in perspective that they are, after all, only games) but no! Our athletes now have to have some pre-packaged story to be spoon fed to the masses (Said story of course boiled down to the point that even the biggest imbecile can understand it) So, now we have Tebow (The God guy) and Lance Armstrong (The cancer guy) and countless game show contestants who have some bullshit narrative that they, and the sportscasters and media types can bring up every time a microphone is shoved in front of their gum-holes. I'm sure its always existed in sports and entertainment to some degree, but it seems that, in the last few years, all entertainment and sports is reduced to these boring spoon-fed stories in lieu of the substance/excitement/merit of whatever the fuck it is we're watching. I've had open heart surgery a couple of times, but, should I ever achieve some level of success in music, I would never want to be reduced to being "The Heart Surgery Guy" and would do everything I could to avoid having that label attached to me.
I guess what I'm inarticulately trying to say is, that I've really got no beef with Tebow (I know his Godfather, and by his account, Tim is a good, down to earth kid) or his faith, or even that he demonstrates it publicly (Though I have more respect for those that view matters of faith as a personal thing, not a t-shirt slogan or touchdown dance) My real beef is with the bullshit narrative, and all bullshit narrative for that matter, and I wish I could think of something to describe bullshit narrative besides bullshit narrative, because believe me, I am tired of typing "bullshit narrative" as you are of reading it by now.

Erin O'Brien said...

Bullshit narrative is bullshit narrative.

Ms Amanda said...

My husband is a rightie, a conservative, a Christian, he's a Tebow fan. I'm a lefty, a liberal,a Christian, Tebow was just another 'planking' option to me until I read this ->

My stomache hurts...

Erin O'Brien said...

Jesus H. Christ, Ms. Amanda, that link was goddamn brilliant.

Here's an easy click for the cut-n-paste challenged to "What if Tim Tebow were Muslim? by Marcus Cederstrom.

Jim said...

Tebow? Is that some variant of Tai Bo?

DogsDontPurr said...


I want to dip my toe in here, but I don't even know where to begin. So, I'm just going to say Amen to what everyone else, and let it be.

WV: yallaing

There's a whole lotta yallaing going on!

Anonymous said...

Most regular readers of this here blog know I reside in SEC Country. I've had years to observe Tebow as before he was a Bronco he was a Florida Gator. I think he's sincere in his faith and on many levels he is an excellent athlete. But yes he's got a foundation now-how long before he has a Super Pac?
Didn't have to read the Salon article because I also remember Chris Jackson at LSU and the national anthem incident in the NBA. If a black man caught a touchdown pass and kneeled toward Mecca in the SEC he'd need a body guard to get home.


Bill said...

I guess about half of the country is happy that Denver lost. Why? Because they didn't want Jesus to win. They also didn't want a spokesman for pro life to get any more admiration. Isn't that what it's really all about? I think it's hilarious the way the left picks it's adversaries.

Larry said...

"My whole point is this, Timster: God Squadliness is one of those things you probably should keep sort of quiet along with your sex life, your guns, and your money. The more you crow about some things, the further you push them away.".....

It is really a good idea to NOT disparage a person's faith unless one is very familiar with that faith. It is SO common, these days. People try to lump ALL Christians together, ALL Jews, ALL Shitoists..etc., without taking into consideration the fact that they are all individuals. Right wing politics does NOT and NEVER has held ownership over the God of the Christians and Jews. A basic primer for Christianity is the the Apostles Creed...a really good start to understanding what has been going on for 2000+ years. Mr Tebow is only "guilty" of giving voice to the Gospel (Good News) as he is required by the Spirit of God...remember we are ALL in the same boat.

Bill said...

Read the news, Larry, and watch tv. Who defends Christians and Jews? Conservatives. Even not very religious conservatives, like me. I feel the need to kneel, now.

Al The Retired Army Guy said...

All I know is Tebow looked awful in that game and got schooled by New England. I must admit I like watching him play - he's like a box of chocolates. One never knows what one will get. And the Broncos really, really need to fix his throwing mechanics - throwing the ball with your plant foot off the ground is not the way to achieve passing accuracy.

As for his religious beliefs (and all the coverage and commentary it is receiving), I could care less. Just learn how to throw the damn ball already. And thanks for beating the Steelers.


Bill said...

I bet the readership loved the John 3:16 Ad that aired during the second qtr.

Erin O'Brien said...

Welcome Larry and thanks for commenting.

Some Sort of Fairy said...

Yes, Ms Amanda, thank you so much for that link. I posted it to my Facebook, and I almost NEVER post religious/political/whatever articles.

Bill said...

How to win friends and infuence people: Refuse to stand durning the national anthem at a football game in the United States. Maybe Tebow would be less popular if he demanded a prayer rug for his private moment. The link, above, totally missed the mark.

Anonymous said...

Nice to see your inflammatory rhetoric on Martin Luther King Holiday Bill.
BTW, What number was Jesus wearing in Foxboro Saturday night. I seemed to have missed the fact he was playing.


Bill said...

"Never succumb to the temptation of bitterness." MLK

You make my point, RJ. Even though Tebow isn't asking Jesus to help him win, millions of irritated liberals see it that way and were delighted with the result.

Anonymous said...

Oh yeah. God obviously loves Tom Brady more than Tebow. He keeps giving him shots at Championship games and Brady gets to sleep with Giselle.



Erin O'Brien said...

It's not like I'm supporting a formal separation of church and football. This is opinion, nothing more.

There's a difference between a camera catching a player quietly crossing himself before a big play (which is sort of quaint and endearing), and Tebow's religious brand.

Tebow's not just wearing a cross, he's showing it to everyone. He is wholly entitled to that behavior, but it makes me roll my eyes, albeit not in a malicious way.

I don't care for men who crow about the thickness of their wallets or the thickness of their ... um ... I mean their sexual prowess.

A photo of a bunch of guys at hunting camp with their shotguns is different than this.

It ain't about liberal vs. conservative, Bill. I would have rolled my eyes had this morning's headlines read:

Tebow's Prayers Pay Off

I didn't see the game or the commercial you reference, but from what Al said, God doesn't have a hell of a lot to do with Tim Tebow's arm.

Chris "Chicken Wing" Quigley said...

Everybody says Jesus had a good run game, but couldn't pass worth a crap. To be fair, however, Judas was one of his offensive linemen, so that explains a lot.

Mike Lawless said...

My wife reserves the right to watch and enjoy the tight ends and I get to watch the cheerleaders.

Anonymous said...

Denver has a crappy football team, no defense and no protection for a quarterback. The religion thing is a sideshow brought to the front by the sporting news. It is refreshing to see someone stand by his beliefs unlike most or our politicians who only believe in staying in office.
James Old Guy

Al The Retired Army Guy said...

Jesus had a football team? Uh-oh. Since there were 12 apostles, that makes it an illegal substitution penalty - 13 men in the huddle, 10 yards, repeat first down.

Geez, I should have been a referee.


Chris "Chicken Wing" Quigley said...

Peter always opted out. He was always more of a baseball guy anyways.

Bill said...

For God so loved Denver, that he gave them the one and only, Tim Tebow, and whosoever believeth in him would never be disappointed durning the regular season.

Anonymous said...

So Tim Tebow dies and he goes to heaven. St. Peter is walking him around and introducing him to the saints and showing him where the angels get their wings. They turn a corner and a large home sits up on a hill. It's painted Crimson and White and numerous National Championship banners are waving in the breeze. The lawn is perfectly manicured and a football game is being played. Tebow says "Let me guess, that's where Bear Bryant lives." St. Peter says "Nope, that's Gods house. He just thinks he's Bear Bryant."


Erin O'Brien said...

Holy Christ!

Anonymous said...

Nobody has mentioned the over/under or the point spread.
Or is that the Old Testament?

Al The Retired Army Guy said...

And on the seventh day, God (better known as Woody Hayes) created Les Horvath, Vic Janowicz, Howard "Hopalong" Casady, Archie Griffin (twice), Eddie George and Troy Smith. Woody looked around, saw that it was good, and said "Heismans for you all!, and O-H ... to which the people responded ... I-O!

BA, The Ohio State University, Class of 1987

P.S. *uck *ichigan.

P.S.S. How do you keep a graduate of That School Up North (&ichigan) off your porch? Pay him/her for the pizza.

P.S.S.S. How do you find (ichigan from Ohio? North until you smell it, and left until you step in it.

Mrs. C said...

Oooo, Al is throwin' DOWN!

I'm about as left of center as one can get without channeling Marx, but I'm with Larry on this one (slip a nitro under your tongue, Bill)--I read Tebow as feeling blessed to have the professional football field and its audience to conduct his "witness" of his Lord. I had not so much understood him to be proclaiming some sort of God assistance in playing the game.

Prayer in general puts one in a good, settled, calm place, and that has to be of some physical value to an athlete--I know that is has (so far) helped keep me from beating kids with the pointy- end of a pitchfork when they do truly stupid, stupid and sometimes dangerous and illegal things in my venue. (Yes, Bill, even Commies sometimes turn their thoughts to the One.)

Anonymous said...

"Are you sayin' Jesus Christ can't hit the curveball"?-Major League, the movie


Al The Retired Army Guy said...

"Is very, very bad, to drink Jobu's rum." - From Major League, the movie.


rraine said...

"don't think, meat, just throw." -from major league, the movie.

Anonymous said...

I thought that ^ was "Bull Durham."

"Throw that shit again, Meat. Throw that weak-ass shit again." Crash Davis.


Goat said...

"JUST a bit outside." - From Major League, the movie.

(Somebody had to say it.)


Al The Retired Army Guy said...

"Ball four .... ball eight." - Harry Doyle (Bob Uecker) in the film Major League.


Anonymous said...

"Fuck you, Jobu-I do it myself"...Pedro Serrano...

The Twisted Tine said...

...the BamBam thing blew my mind.

I pretty much shut-off to the God stuff in football once it starts getting talked about. I couldn't care one way or the other, as I think the egos of about 90% of those guys and the lifestyles they flaunt are a bit dramatic and ridiculous. I've never directly paid for anything football related, and never will because I think it's a poor role model for the thinking American.

Honestly, I'm not big on football myself. Me and my lady got a kick out of the current season as we were in a fantasy football league with some of my coworkers... which I did merely for the sake of challenging myself to read up on and see how I'd fend if I approached it from a completely statistical POV.

And then I did find myself starting to get bugged by Tebow... the fact that he was making headlines because of his beliefs. It got in the way of my stats hunting on the intarwebs.

I'm not sure where I'm going with this...

I'm hungry. I'm going to make lunch now.

Bill said...

Yeah, twisted. Doesn't it piss you off whe someone makes headlines because of his or her beliefs!? What's this world coming to?