Monday, June 06, 2011

An open letter to the person I cut off on Rt. 36 in Mt. Vernon, Ohio on June 4, 2011:


From your point of view, I so deserved to get flipped off.

I tried to mouth I'M SORRY when we were at the stoplight, but you didn't seem to get my meaning. Was that your kid in the backseat? Cute kid.

That was a small car you were driving. You had all the windows open on a hot day, which is my preferred method of travel. I don't like A. C.

Here's the part you don't know: I wasn't in my regular Mini Cooper, which is small like your car. I was in the GoatMobile, which is a lot different and lot bigger than my Mini.

GoatMobile and your humble hostess (see upper left).

I was traveling with my Mom who really likes her A. C. Now I would have happily rode my Mom around in the Mini with the A. C. blasting, but the Mini is eight years old and the A. C. is about kaput: puffing out a feeble stream of barely cool air.

The Mini's A. C. reminds you of an old dog trying hard to get up out of his bed and say hello, which breaks your heart because you remember when he was a puppy jumping and yipping and wagging his tail so hard it hurt plenty when it snapped across your shin.

With Mom and me having a bit of driving to do, the Goat and I decided to switch cars for a day on account of the GoatMobile (being only one year old) still has puppy A. C. Not that I should be saying anything about it, but judging by the dents and rust and your red face in the hot wind, I'm guessing your car's A. C. woofed it's last woof a long time ago.

Does any of this makes sense?

We were headed to a function in Danville that had a start time and an end time and it was about a two-hour drive from home. I'd never been to Danville and I was worried about getting lost and the time and would my hair look okay when I got there and all the stupid crap that fills your brain when you should be paying attention to the road. Don't know if you saw, but that old gal was going so slow in front of me I could have screamed. I swear I checked when I went to pass her but the giant GoatMobile has blind spots I'm not used to. I just didn't see you.


Thank Christ you slammed on the brakes and horn or the rest of the day could have turned out bad all the way around.

Goat and Mini Cooper.

Although I'm much more comfy in my Mini and the Goat is much more comfy in the GoatMobile, sometimes odd combinations work. I don't know anything about you, but I know Mount Vernon is a place with a lot of your God Squad and your Don’t-Tread-on-Me/snake stickers. That said, the Knox County Democrats have their office down at the Square, so the folks around there have clearly learned to tolerate the odd men out.

Well, kind of tolerate.

Maybe that commentary doesn't have anything to do with you. Maybe you're not down with treading snakes or the God Squad. Maybe in another life, we'd get off on better footing, without me about to ram the big GoatMobile into your compact thinger-car (didn't catch the make/model). Until then, I'll try to be more careful. And if you don't mind, maybe you can give the next guy the benefit of the doubt before you flip him the bird.



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alphadog said...

I wouldn't worry too much about it Erin. There are no good drivers in MtV.

Erin O'Brien said...

Alph: do NOT show that forum to anyone thinking of moving to Mt. Vernon.


Bill the Wrenchbender said...

Sounds like a trip north is in order, you're gonna need that AC!

Vince said...

Sweet christ YOU do live on Wisteria Lane.
As to the other driver, F*&^ em. Any landing you can walk away from is a good landing.
Oh, are your cars real or automatic.

Laura Maylene said...

Feeling grateful the a/c in my 1996 Subaru is still going strong. True, the car key is worn down and nearing the end of its life (and can't be replaced without taking the car apart to access the code b/c Subaru doesn't maintain the codes for cars this old); the trunk can't be unlocked remotely and sometimes won't open because of said key; the interior ceiling is cracking and falling down; and there's a crack in the windshield slowly creeping along that I see no point in fixing; but the a/c still works. At least I have that.

Bill said...

It's never too early to teach your kids to flip people off while driving. You don't want them to be bullied while driving. It's an excellent example of defensive driving. That is, defend yourself against hair fixers, shaving people, texters, etc. Good job, lady driving the crappy little car with a kid!

Erin O'Brien said...

I would like to see Bill the Wrenchbender drive Laura's car in front of Bill while both of them flip him the bird.

Vince: ahem.

Ritva said...

LOL How brilliantly refreshing! Tomorrow I will be circulating the streets of my Finnish town just aching to write and apology later on....

Anonymous said...

Was that you in the rusted-out bronze Saturn cutting me off on the inner-belt bridge at about 7:00 this morning?
...No flip-off, but I did question your mother's temperament and your parent's marital status...
No? good.
Mike R.

Leslie Morgan said...

Oh, to live in a place where one can still unrepentently flip the bird!

Erin O'Brien said...

Welcome Ritva!

No Mike, twern't the O'Brien. I'm about town exclusively in the Mini or GoatMobile.

Leslie, that is really quirky about LV.

I'd never heard
that one isn't to flip the bird
in the town of the absurd.


Bill said...

It is advisable to hold your bird if you are in a legal to carry state.

Al The Retired Army Guy said...

I'd get the AC fixed in the Mini if I were you. When's the last time you had it serviced? If it's old, some of the seals may need replacing, and it will of course have to be recharged with refrigerant.

A good idea, even in the winter, is to run the AC for a few minutes every now and then. This keeps the seals in the AC system from drying out and cracking, and helps to ensure that come summer time, the AC will work. Just a thought.