Saturday, January 15, 2011

Phone cam round-up


Didn't have it in my size. erf.


Leftover balls.


They forgot to add "for use by candy-ass Stepford wives."


You sit under this mutha? You cross your legs and read your "Bad Girl Sex" article in your Cosmopolitan magazine, with one foot bouncing up and down ever so gently?

Baby, you own the world.


Crockpots heart Erin O'Briens.


This, people, is a liberal chalk board.


Giant marshmallow and I love it.


KFC is 100 percent CRAPTASTIC!


Okay. Can I have sex in here instead?


Think I'll buy one and wear it with high heels and nothing else next time I go to the discount grocery. On second thought, maybe I'll add a pillbox hat to the ensemble. Nice.


Unidentified orange fur thingie on the road.


Hi sad little love road puppy.


Hm. Yet another conundrum at the discount grocery. Should I buy the lock de-icer or the Marriott Rochester Airport robe?


Gee. Who knew you could get scampi for just a dollar a bag?


Shoe on the road.


A personal massager for just $5.99? Pass the AA's, baby.

* * *

23 comments:

Al Penwasser said...

Wouldn't you wear the OnGuard" jackets while fencing? (No, I don't mean the backyard-keep-the-dog-in kind of fencing).
Gotta get me one of those Cosmo magazines.

Sausage Fingers said...

Yikes, I do hope that the goat ate his Wheaties this morning, seems like the O'Brien is all about the shagging

Anonymous said...

I think I'll be the first on eobomfhb to say this:


Reince Priebus.

Game Over.

Left wins.

RJ

WV: thaplato-wrote "The Reublic"

Anonymous said...

sp: The Republic.

RJ

Karen said...

Good stuff, as always, love.

The Writer Currently Known as Rory said...

You might appreciate this, Erin, I don't know.

The other day, I received from Playboy an issue devoted to James Bond, or rather the newbie, Daniel Craig. I got it not only because the James Bond franchise is my Star Wars, but because recently, I purchased a two-year subscription to Playboy.

I thought to myself, "Maxim? Hustler? Or Playboy?" I settled on Playboy because I like words with my nudity. In fact, what spurred me on to subscribe was that Bret Easton Ellis, author of "American Psycho", had written a piece in this month's issue, actually defending "Jersey Shore." I had to read that. And next month is not only an article about Lingerie Football League, which I watch faithfully on MTV2 every Friday night (though I wish they would wear more actual lingerie. I don't expect heels, but can't some company maybe make a teddy that can handle the wear and tear of the game?), but also new fiction from Walter Mosley.

Me, I like some think pieces with my nudity.

Erin O'Brien said...

Jeez. It's true--this is a bit of an oversexed-housewife post ... hmmm ...

The Writer Currently Known as Rory said...

The then-relative newbie, Daniel Craig, I should say. The issue was from November 2008.

The Writer Currently Known as Rory said...

Nothing wrong with being oversexed (Unless one has genuine personal problems stemming from it). Shouldn't life be all about pleasure anyway?

It's undersexed that's worrisome.

The Writer Currently Known as Rory said...

God, RJ, that name. It makes me think of a parent saying to a child, "Now go back in there and reince your priebus. I didn't hear any water go on."

standing on my head said...

you know, they could have ordered your size. shake it, baby, shake it!

alphadog said...

If it's to be a pillbox hat, it has to be a brand new leopard skin pillbox hat.

Vince said...

are those cart wipes -these are shopping trolleys, right - not for cleaning before you put in your kid on the seat. You know removing baby leakage and such.

The Writer Currently Known as Rory said...

You know removing baby leakage and such.

I hate when that happens. There are times when you can't be sure if it's poop or brain leaking out.

philbilly said...

Some days you wake up and think for a fleeting second it's time to come in from this harsh bachelor wilderness. Especially after the Holidays having basked in the joy and excitement of nieces and nephews.

Then someone mentions baby leakage and the revery, the blissful irresponsibility, of singleness floods back into my fortress of solitude like a beam of sunlight.

The Writer Currently Known as Rory said...

Then someone mentions baby leakage and the revery, the blissful irresponsibility, of singleness floods back into my fortress of solitude like a beam of sunlight.

I just spent half an hour in the Playboy Store archive, eventually choosing 7 back issues. I don't think that can be done when there's baby leakage.

I would like to get with someone in a holy-God-that's-DIRTY kind of way (Someone with an equal passion for reading and writing), but not in the baby leakage way for a long time.

philbilly said...

Hear, hear.

The challenge of course is as one drags out the hitchin date, the lucky lassie must be increasingly young so as to compensate for my impending doddering. This can be problematic as women exponentially increase in hotness as they themselves age, and I wouldn't want to miss that. It is a dilemma.

The Writer Currently Known as Rory said...

The challenge of course is as one drags out the hitchin date, the lucky lassie must be increasingly young so as to compensate for my impending doddering.

Along with your forthcoming doddering, are you planning to shit yourself often? Because you have to factor that in, too.

WV: menonsh - A non-Yiddish jumble of letters that sounds like it should be a Yiddish word.

The Writer Currently Known as Rory said...

This can be problematic as women exponentially increase in hotness as they themselves age, and I wouldn't want to miss that. It is a dilemma.

Oh lord do I know all about that. In 8th grade, I thought Monica Haynick sitting next to me in algebra with those pantyhosed legs made her the supreme being. Then in 11th grade, there was Stefanie Markham, who flirted with me briefly at some school newspaper ceremony held by the South Florida Sun-Sentinel and she's still the standard I use for legs.

But now, at 26 years old, looking at those ladies who are the same age. At this point, I think I'm going to happy for the rest of my life just from what I'm seeing in their aging. Naturally, I love having been born, but I love my penis a lot more these days. What a barometer!

The Writer Currently Known as Rory said...

"going to BE happy", I meant.

And that first sentence, I think I meant to put a semi-colon instead of a period. I'm anal that way.

WV: midingin - Midway through the gin. Next stop, whatever else is in the liquor cabinet. (I don't drink, but others might relate.)

philbilly said...

Does anyone ever really plan to shit themselves? I think not.

Fortunately,the same diet that insures a Viagra free sex life also promotes regularity:

50%+ of daily calories via complex carbs, lots of whole grains and steamed vegetables, limit saturated fats, no hydrogenated oils, no processed shit in a convenient box, refined sugars, drink in moderation, smoke rarely if at all.

Avoid speed, meth, coke, crack, heroin, Glenn Beck, Keith Olberman and the news in general, keep moving constantly, including occasional heavy things.
Above all, avoid vexatious spirits (assholes) like the fucking plague they are.

There is no woman hotter than a dame with good gams, a big heart and a great brain.

The Writer Currently Known as Rory said...

Does anyone ever really plan to shit themselves? I think not.

Well, I guess it's not so much planning as ample foresight.

There is no woman hotter than a dame with good gams, a big heart and a great brain.

I think I wasted my time with the dating profiles I wrote on a few websites. I should have just posted that.

The Writer Currently Known as Rory said...

50%+ of daily calories via complex carbs, lots of whole grains and steamed vegetables, limit saturated fats, no hydrogenated oils, no processed shit in a convenient box, refined sugars, drink in moderation, smoke rarely if at all.

I realized that in my successful mission to lose 60 pounds thus far. On my way to 70, then 80, and then to reach 160 lbs., because I think that's where I'd feel better. I'm at 198 so far.

The only sugars I consume often now are from fruit. Gala apples, Bartlett pears, bananas, and the occasional orange. That's it. That covers all desserts for me.

And vegetables? Those involved with spinach and carrots surely like me a lot now.

This is the only way for me to live now. Instead of how I used to eat, excessively and without care, I binge on books. It's a lot healthier and my body doesn't get fat from it. My brain benefits greatly.