Thursday, January 06, 2011

IT IS OK TO FLUSH THE TOILET AFTER USE.

During a visit for a routine examination, your humble hostess recorded the following important documentation at the Cleveland Clinic's Independence Family Health Center, where she did not encounter any families or independence, but she did encounter a number of informative signs.

YOU'RE WELCOME.

Why didn't the "THANK YOU" in this sign garner a period while the "THANK YOU" in the previous sign did?

Bonus points for the underlining.

You seem awfully excited about this news!

And don't worry--ain't no way I'm opening that mutha.

Is this the hand sanitizer I'm supposed to use? Help.

Okay, but frankly, I don't even remember going on a date with him.

Not that it matters at this point, but can you please explain why you didn't capitalize "you" or "are?"

Apparently, this topic has you so flustered that it has erased your ability to punctuate or decide on whether or not to use all caps.

THE O'BRIEN DID NOT DUMP A BEVERAGE OF ANY KIND INTO THE SINK. YOU ARE GREATLY WELCOME.

Well thank God. I never would have noticed the 72 point font if you hadn't highlighted it.

No thanks. I'll just read the signs again.

* * *

14 comments:

danb said...

At least you did not encounter a sign admonishing patrons to resist the urge to take a big crap on the floor in the waiting room...

Sausage Fingers said...

And you wonder why Lebron left for South Beach.

Bill said...

We have signs like that around here but they are required to be in several different languages.

Tony Rugare said...

I wonder how much of those signs is billed as Misc. Services by the Cleveland Clinic?

Claire L Hallam said...

This is why Cleveland Clinic is one of the greatest hospitals on earth. Other hospitals are full of cluttered sinks, dirty handed patients drinking the water, and unnotified Technologists who are blissfully unaware of the numerous children thay have sired.

Jeff said...

So...

Is there a place where it isn't okay to flush the toilet after use?

These signs are hysterical.

Dudesworthy said...

Signs of the times...

This reminds me a lot of www.engrish.com.

Worth a look if you haven't seen it before.

Kev D. said...

The do not open until fixed is so good... I can't even imagine what is going on in that stall that it absolutely MUST NOT be opened.

Outside of obvious scatological imagery, I like to picture that when the door is opened, toilet water explodes all over the place and in yo' face.

Anonymous said...

Ain't healthcare grand?

One of my all time favorite signs of which I'll create a facsimile:

"WASH YOUR HANDS! GERMS ARE EVERYWHERE!"

Multiple copies were posted in prominent locations on an acute care psychiatric unit where I worked by the overzealous infection control nurse.

Delusions of infestation and germ phobias are not uncommon in those settings.

BRILLIANT!

RJ

jonas said...

The term "technologist" sounded made up. Not unlike the Simpson's brilliant "Scientician."

But alas, technologists do exist:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Medical_Technologist

And here I was thinking after 6 hrs on the road today, listening to only NPR, AND being awake for at least three of them, I was done learning for the day.

Dammit, O'Brien. School doesn't start for another 2 wks, and I didn't want to learn again until then...

philbilly said...

I prefer to whiz outside whenever possible. Returns nitrogen to the soil,way more pleasant than most indoor urinal locations and of course alerts the local animal kingdom that this is my territory, and I'm rutting.

Tonight I reached a new pinnacle of yellow snow art. The relatively light coat of snow in the woods behind my building provided the usual canvas, but as the warmth of my ink fanned out beneath the low surface tension of the snow, random chaotic sections collapsed, adding an unusual dimensional aspect to the more traditional trajectorial artwork. Thus the familiar Pollockian patterns of urea were now framed in subtle thermal Mandelbrots. Fascinating.

danb said...

I like to pee outside as well...

"You know the grass is always greener when you water with you wiener... outside..."

Eileen said...

Love the idea of who passed this way before, to cause the flurry of instructive advice to those who follow.

danb said...

"Thermal Mandelbrots" would be an awesome band name.