Monday, October 25, 2010

The giant pork

Your giant porks go on sale every few weeks for $1.99 a pound (although I've seen them as low as $1.77). Either way, a seven-and-a-half-pounder will run you 15 bucks.
What do you do with it? Here's some general recession-style what's-for-dinner (and I daresay dessert) advice from a "Rainy Day Woman" column I wrote last year:

Cut half of it into chops for the freezer and put the other half in the oven for 10 hours. Pour a bottle of BBQ sauce over it and PRESTO! - you're eating pulled-pork sandwiches for the next two weeks.

Or you could make with the refrigerator round-up: Dump everything you've got in there into a pot. Add a can of navy beans or creamed corn or diced tomatoes (or all three). Cook it until it's an unrecognizable monochromatic pail of slop, add a few shakes of salt for good measure (or habanera sauce if it's really iffy - no one will taste anything if it's hot enough), ladle it into bowls, dole out a few slices of Wonder topped with Blue Bonnet and there you go.

For your evening entertainment, you do not need a Wii or a 50-inch flat-panel television. Go screw instead. You've already got everything you need on board. Plus, it burns calories and it'll put you in a good mood.

Revisiting that makes me believe that good ol' wholesome American ingenuity never goes out of style.

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12 comments:

Ken Houghton said...

"[P]ut the other half in the oven for 10 hours. Pour a bottle of BBQ sauce over it and PRESTO! - you're eating pulled-pork sandwiches for the next two weeks."

Uh, no. You're probably suffering from some bacterial disease for the next week or so.

Unless the oven is set to something besides room temperature, that is.

Seals said...

The first time my wife and I went to a nude beach, we saw a guy who was hung like that. Bam!

Daniel said...

Jesus Christ... that thing belongs in a sex shop...

That was an awesome column post, by the way. Frugality makes the hair on my back stand up.

Bill said...

I didn't realize that they sold horse penis.

Al the Retired Army Guy said...

True story - last week, I watched one of the students at Fayetteville Technical Community College take FIVE HOURS to trim and portion three pork loins like this one. No shit - FIVE HOURS.

I guess he figured people would eat eventually.

Al
TRAG

Anonymous said...

we cut them in half, freeze half, and roast the other piece in the oven with quartered onions, baby bella mushrooms, chopped garlic, and apple quarters. this smells so good, the neighbors skulk around the outside of our house, drooling.

Big Mark 243 said...

Being on disability, a meal tip like this is priceless. I am definitely going to give this a chance to make my meal roster...

Sausage Fingers said...

I see the fleshlight comes in a new color now. Awesome...

JBlank said...

Cut in half, freeze one and brown the other in a skillet on stove top. Mix one can of cream of mushroom soup with one can of water. Put the browned meat in pan with soup mix and cover then put in the oven on 350 for one hour then take the cover off and cook for another hour---Ta Da Pork and gravy! Eat served over economical american grown rice.

Rory L. Aronsky said...

That's a lovely photo of my penis, I mean, of pork.

WV: cajen - Geez, Word Verification, learn to spell. It's c-a-j-u-n.

swine said...

Al, let's hope that dude doesn't end up an executive chef anywhere.

Ms. Oh-Bee...that thang is beyond impressive. And we just procured our asses a large crock pot. And we live in North Carolina, so pulled pork BBQ sammiches is de rigueur 'round this joint.

You are modern day Pavlov, dear madame. I'm salivating.

porp said...

I can't believe how much less expensive food (especially meat) is in the US compared to Canada.

Westernized version of Chinese BBQ pork: marinate overnight in fridge, pork tenderloin in 1:1 dark soy sauce:hoisin sauce, white pepper, garlic powder, onion powder, grated ginger (or ginger powder). BBQ or grill in oven ~10 minutes, flip, another 10 should bring it up to temp. Save the marinade to glaze the tenderloin initially, and after the flip.

The overnight marinade (brine, really) leave it sooo tender.