Thursday, August 19, 2010

Fels-Naptha

I am pretty busy, but as you people need all the help you can get, here I am, taking time out of my impossible schedule (next up: couch vacuuming) to save your sorry asses.

You see that soap? That's your Fels-Naptha heavy duty laundry bar soap. And no, I don't do my laundry by scrubbing it on a washboard, which is the natural intention of your Fels Naptha, but I always have a bar of this on hand.

You tangle with poison ivy? You're allergic to poison ivy? Let me guess, you go and get some candy-ass tube of Ivy Dry or (christ awmighty) calamine lotion.

You're kidding me, right?

What you need is your Fels-Naptha.

Directions: Scrub the living shit out of the poison-ivied area with a bar of Fels-Naptha as soon as possible or when those little effing blisters show up. Repeat two or three times a day for a few days until the shit clears up.

This is hands-down the best poison ivy advice you ever got in your whole sorry miserable life and you are welcome.

That is all.

* * *

23 comments:

Kalei's Best Friend said...

Will it work on mosquito bites? I break out from chigger bites to the pt. where i have to get drugs to get rid of the allergic reaction...

Erin O'Brien said...

Those are a MOTHER. I don't know if FN will work.

The FN works because the detergent/soap in there is strong enough to take on the poison ivy oil.

At least that's how I think it works--sounds good anyway.

Kalei's Best Friend said...

I googled and found this review on amazon:

We've always had a bar of Fels-Naptha soap in the laundry room sink, for scrubbing our hands after one of those tough outside or garage jobs that involves lots of dirt and/or oil. It's the only soap that can really clean our hands.

However, cat owners might also consider a bar of Fels-Naptha soap for the following tasks:

--For those cats who like to chew on electrical cords (especially the thin wires on Christmas trees), try rubbing the wires with a bar of Fels-Naptha Soap. Since I started this practice, our Christmas tree lights have stayed lit all season, instead of suddenly going dark a day or two after the tree is decorated.

--Rubbing a wet Fels-Naptha bar around the top of your plastic garbage bag where it sticks out from the garbage can, also keeps plastic-chewing cats from making holes in your garbage bag, and keeps the plastic from clogging up their digestive tracts.

--If you don't mind your stuffed furniture smelling like Fels-Naptha, it will also keep cats from clawing that expensive upholstery. Fels-Naptha is also much cheaper than the sprays that are sold to do the same job, and frankly I think the soap smells better than the sprays.

wiki said it will get rid of some skin irritants- but didn;t mention which

Kalei's Best Friend said...

oh- did u get this in the market? or will i have to order it from amazon

Vince said...

You haven't parked your Royal Arse on the Island Of Ireland recently, have you n-Brian.

Erin O'Brien said...

Ha! Guess not, Vince!

Kalei--check in the laundry dept. of your local grocery and big box stores. Don't remember exactly where I got mine, but it was local. I buy 2 or 3 bars when I find it.

Contrary Guy said...

I think Kroger carries it... have it seen it many times at the store. For chiggers, it's the Chigarid (camphor-laden spooge-like creme) that does the job.

Once Known as The Badger said...

From one who just stands in the vicinity of poison ivy and poison oak and gets it, FN is the way to go.

Bill said...

No wonder it works so well. Check out the ingredients!:

Ingredients
Soap (sodium tallowate*, sodium cocoate* (or) sodium palmate kernelate*, and sodium palmate*), water, talc, cocnut acid*, palm acid*, tallow acid*, PEG-6 methyl ether, glycerin, sorbitol, sodium chloride, pentasodium pentetate and/or tetrasodium etidronate, titatium dioxide, fragrance, Acid Orange (CI 20170), Acid yellow 73 (ci43350)

Al the Retired Army Guy said...

I must second Erin's endorsement of Fels Naptha. I used it to keep my chef's whites white at school and beyond.

Al
TRAG

Wayne said...

HA!

This is true.

When me and my brother started dating in the early 80's (I was around 15 or 16) my grandfather told us that before we do anything with a girl get some Fels-Naptha and a scrub brush and this will take of any diseases she may have!

Thats the first thing that popped into my head when I saw this! Sorry, but I had to share.

Dan said...

You should be able to get FN at your local hardware store. I work for an Ace and we carry it. If you local hardware store doesn't carry FN, ask them to order it for you.

Anonymous said...

Divana Said: LOL!!

Anonymous said...

Drug Mart carries FN, too! Ah, Drug Mart. You could, technically, never, ever have to shop elsewhere...

Tony said...

Before FN there was Octagon soap. Like FN , it was very versatile. I guess that dates me.

Erin O'Brien said...

Okay, my mom just called and wanted you terrible erribles to know that if you have a really bad case of poison ivy, lather the shit out of it with FN and leave it on to dry--overnight if possible.

She swears it will be cured in the morn'

Amy L. Hanna said...

Am I glad you're not a doctor. Yeesh.

Matt Conlon said...

Wow, what a coincidence... I got hit with poison ivy yesterday.

Jon Konrath said...

My grandfather used to tell me when I was a little kid that if you soaked a bar of fels-naptha soap in a peanut butter jar and then dipped bullets in it, you could use them to kill prostitutes and drifters. He also worked in a lead paint factory, though.

Bill said...

i think we've found a new twitter star: stupid shit my grandfather said.

Anonymous said...

I need to get out more. My first encounter with Fels-Naptha. However I'm betting Dan's right about Ace. There is one on the way to my office and it has a marquee listing specials. Several weeks ago I almost wrecked when I looked up and saw "Anti-Monkey Butt Powder. 5.99." Of course when I told the story at the office my co-workers looked at me and said "You've never heard of Anti-Monkey Butt Powder?"

I need to get out more.

RJ

Kirk Jusko said...

Don't know if the soap works or not, but I like the retro package it comes in.

Norm said...

I also hear it repels silverfish