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I spied this item at Crate and Barrel the other day and wondered about who might use place cards. Does anyone still have sit-down dinner parties with enough guests to mandate the use of place cards? Imagine arriving for dinner at someone's home and looking for your place card, assessing how you rate based on who you're next to and where you're seated. Imagine all the implied politics.

What bullshit.

As a public service of sorts, here are some inventive and useful suggestions for alternative place card designations:

~Asshole~

~Wife Of Asshole~

~Assorted Inlaw~

~Associate in Dubious Standing~

~You~

~Not You~

~The Other You~

~UnYou~

~YouBoob~

~SpongeBoob Squaredance~

~You, Only Younger~

~Guest With High Cholesterol~

~Sexually Active Guest~

~Sexually Inactive Guest~

~Guest Invited To Dinner Party By Host Pretentious Enough To Employ Place Cards~

~Soylent Green~

~Guest With Substandard Genitalia~

~Flatulent Guest~

~B-List Guest In Place Of A-List Guest Who Canceled~

~Alpo Breath~

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