Thursday, December 10, 2009

Guilty Pleasures, vol. one: Mark Dacascos

No, I did not watch him on Dancing with the Stars, nor am I familiar with any of his martial arts films. All I know of Mark Dacascos is that he's that hot Asian American "Chairman" guy on Iron Chef America, and every time he takes an orgiastic bite out of a ripe bell pepper, I swoon.

Look at that hair on his chest (!). Plus, he's straight, and he's one year older than me. I need a powder.

Mr. Dacascos, welcome to the short list.

I never tire of the secret ingredient announcement: tofu, honey, buffalo, coconut ... I want it all. Although I have to admit that "beer" was not his best moment.



Wouldn't it be great if one day Dacascos did as he always does and eyes the waiting chefs for a pregnant beat or two, ratcheting up the anticipation for that secret ingredient announcement, then triumphantly unveiled a massive bin of phalli while bellowing "Dildo!" as a prank of sorts.

Imagine the stunned look on Bobby Flay's face or Cat Cora's eyes flattening into slits as her tongue instinctively curls around the corner of her upper lip, visions of impromptu "recipes" filling her naughty mind.

That's how things would roll if I were in charge, people. I am so underutilized.

Bonus mandatory admission: I want to rub Mario Batali's belly: rub rub rub rub rub.

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11 comments:

Norm said...

Cat really is a babe, isn't she? Alas I'm not a girl. *swoon* Mark Dacascos, on the other hand, has apparently been in a lot of b-grade martial arts pictures. Perhaps you should arrange a film festival.

Melissa said...

Whenever I get a text message, my phone plays Dacascos saying "fresh beans" from this clip. The eyes get me every time.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BAuto-yoDRo

Erin O'Brien said...

**fresh beans**

sigh.

LimesNow said...

Better pack a lunch, Erin. Mario has a lot of belly to rub.

WV - ingsami. The secret ingredient.

B.E. Earl said...

Dacoscas was in one of my favorite films. A genre-mixing period piece/monster/martial arts French flick called "Le Pacte des Loups". Truly an odd flick, but I love it.

And Batali is very cool. I've eaten at a few of his restaurants and got to meet him briefly once. Seems like a genuine dude.

Dan said...

I also loved him in Brotherhood of the Wolf. He's a pretty interesting guy --a little "new-agey" in my opinion, but he's one of those actors who just seems to be genuinely nice and has a hell of a fun doing whatever it is he does.

Anyway, he's been all over the SyFy channel lately in shows like Stargate: Atlantis and tons of low-budget SciFi flicks. He can do cheesy with the best of them.

Norm said...

See!?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=khRWLpiGjNs&feature=player_embedded

Erin O'Brien said...

I love him more with every YouTube I watch.

I'm number 10 on the library wait list for the French "Wolf" movie.

Dan said...

Didn't he win an Academy Award for "Iron Chef America"?

Bekah said...

You have missed your calling.

Clandestiny said...

Erin, you are my kind of twisted sister! Not that I'm all into this guy but I'm reading along thinking, "you go, girl!" when I got to "...unveiled a massive bin of phalli while bellowing "Dildo!" My husband thought I was having convulsions for a minute till I gasped out that he had to read the post. Just...wow...ROFL