Friday, October 09, 2009

Anatomy of the apprehension of a high school football game streaker

The following is directly from the "narrative" section of a police report I picked up yesterday. I have lightly edited the text for brevity/clarity and to eliminate all names.
On Friday, October 2 at 8:45 pm, I worked security at the Brecksville-Broadview Heights High School homecoming football game with four other officers. At the start of the third quarter, another officer and I stood on the home sideline, near the fifty-yard line, when we noticed a male wearing nothing but a football helmet and a wig streaking across the field. Please note, the helmet lacked a chin-strap.

The white male, who had a thin, muscular build, ran out from behind the visitor stands and across the field to the west. After a brief second, we chased the male to the southwest corner of the stadium. The male then scaled the eight-foot fence,* which surrounds the field, before we could reach him. He headed towards the honors parking lot and into the area on the south side of the high school.

I gave chase and maintained sight of the male even though he had a large head start. The male looked backwards repeatedly, and knew uniformed patrol officers were chasing him. The wooded area where the male ran into was recently cleared out for a new gas line and came out onto Summit Circle.

As we neared the above development, the male took off and threw down the football helmet as he continued to flee. While running in the wet, deep** and clumpy mud, I fell covering my uniform/leather gear*** in said mud. The male subsequently crested a small grade/hill in the woods and I lost visual of him. However, other officers were already on Summit Circle and noticed an unoccupied vehicle parked on the cul-de-sac.

Upon further inspection of the vehicle, an officer located the car keys lying on the front left tire. He also noticed a pair of pants, shirt, shoes, and wallet on the front seat. Moreover, a chin strap**** was located on the back seat of the vehicle. All of these items were in plain sight from outside the vehicle.

The officer entered the vehicle using the key and found an Ohio license. The physical description matched that of the male who streaked across the field. The vehicle was re-secured. A note was left on the vehicle and the keys and football helmet were taken back to the police department.

A short time thereafter, an officer stopped a group of males. The males admitted to him that it was in fact (name omitted) who streaked across the football field.
The male eventually turned himself in and is facing charges of disorderly conduct, obstruction official business and public indecency.

Because of the male's actions, ten officers were "tied up"***** for an extended period of time while looking for him.
* That's a CHAIN LINK fence. Hope the kid was careful.

** Sort of arousing until you get to "clumpy."

*** Re-arousing.

**** Aha!

***** Does anyone else sense a subtle recurring theme here?

The kid's court date is scheduled for later this month. Yes, he is over 18. It's probably ill-advised and I do feel bad about the cop's mud bath, but I'm sort of rooting for the kid.



dean said...

I would have thought that a much more effective treatment for the streak would be to point and laugh.

The primary lesson from this is that one should streak with accomplices, people who will bundle you into a van and recover your shameful, shameful nakedness while they speed away from a scene in which TEN officers, all paid and trained, are chasing a man who dared to show his willy.

As my pappy used to say, there's some damned fools here, and I ain't quite sure where they are.

Anonymous said...

"Because of the male's actions, ten officers were "tied up"***** for an extended period of time while looking for him."

What dean said. If its Bin Laden naked I might ramble through the mud, otherwise more power to ya buddy. Dumbasses.


LimesNow said...

I hope the charges included "failure to properly secure helmet with chinstrap while committing the heinous crime of youthful silliness".

Rolling in the mud was probably pretty unpleasant, but it seems to me those officers were a little tightly wound. Just a little too serious.

Erin O'Brien said...

I should add that these are very tightly wound communities and god only knows what criticism the officers would have faced if they didn't run down the streaker.

I'm also happy to report that this here blog is the only place you'll read about this incident to date. If you live in the area, do pass this info along. I love to (ahem) expose public nudity in this otherwise oh-so-conservative enclave.

Anonymous said...

Another crime spree stopped.
Speeders, drug dealers, murders, and rapist sigh with relief.

James Old Guy

Tony said...

I didn't realize that Ohio licenses had so much detailed physical descriptions.

sleepydog said...

This is a perfect Friday blog post, something to inspire the wantonness* and hedonism of the coming weekend.

* Not the Chinese dumpling.

Kirk Jusko said...

That was kick-asterisks!

folkmoot78 said...

I would like to thank this young man for keeping a tradition alive. I remember the 70's when streaking was a common occurrence at many public events.

philbilly said...

If this goes to trial, what effect will a hung jury have on the perp's future?

Anonymous said...

Thanks for sharing this. My daughter was at the game and was embarassed to tell us about it afterwards. We laughed so hard at her streaker story as a family and were thrilled to have this happen here. Thanks for giving us the details.

John Ettorre said...

This made me recall my lone episode of streaking, in college. It was pitiful, ending with being surprised by a priest coming along, prompting me to dive behind a large bush for cover. Naturally, the buddy who was supposed to be holding and delivering our robes at the proper moment took off and ditched us. It's easy to laugh about now, but...

My only consolation is that there are no photos of that sad episode, or they would have turned up long ago.

Erin O'Brien said...

I knew this would bring back memories, but damn if I could have guessed John Ettorre was our closet streaker.

This just occurred to me: In my editing, I left out the fact that the cop left a note on the car and took the car keys and wallet back to the station.

But he "re-secured" the car.

I wonder if he left the clothes in there. I wonder if this naked kid came back to the car, found the keys gone from the tire and was left peering inside the window at his shirt and pants, while holding a note from the cops!

Anonymous said...

We were there at the game and saw it happen! All the people in the stands were rooting for the streaker!!! People couldn't believe he hopped the fence and were yelling "RUN" "RUN" and laughing watching the officers actually chase him!

I think they should have let him go and chocked it up to a laugh at a high school football game!

We did notice only one of the officers came back to the field - the other one who fell in the mud must have been embarassed...

Once known as The Badger said...

If it had been me doing the streaking, I surely would have taken the time to moon the crowd... but then I have an aversion to high school football that knows no bounds.

Velociman said...


I am of an age (old) wherein, my senior year of high school, streaking was started at the University of Georgia. Not to be outdone, three friends and I streaked a movie lobby at Oglethorpe Mall, the first streakers in Savannah history. Arrested, released on our daddies' recognizance. Ah, the days.

All the best,


Destructive Dustin said...

hahaha. this is funny :D.
also rooting for the streaker!

Cheryl said...

I am also rooting for the streaker!!
I well remember the 70s when this was fun and interesting. Maybe you can find the video on YouTube when the Academy Awards were interrupted by a streaker. David Niven made a comment about "his shortcomings." If you search YouTube for streaker at academy awards you can see it.

Kirk Jusko said...

I believe Niven said "It's good of that chap to show us his shortcomings"