Thursday, January 29, 2009

Mail call

To: Erin O'Brien
Re: Rules that Work

Hi Erin,

I've followed your writing since it first appeared in the Scene. This is the first time I've felt the urge to contact you.

You are pig-shit Irish and would do the world a great favor if you went and sat on a train track. It will be a fine day when the Scene either folds and or lays you off. Perhaps Sam Fulwood III, late of the Cleveland Plain Dealer and you could share a van, down by the river. That's where self-absorbed, jack-off writers go when everyone gets sick of their bullshit.

So if I see you selling the Homeless Grapevine on the street outside the of the Westside Market, you'll know me by how I spit on your stupid, cow like face as I go by. I don't like you.


From: Erin O'Brien
Re: Re: Rules that Work

Thank you for your comments. May I share them with my editor for possible publication? If so, please include your full name and city.


Erin O'Brien


To: Erin O'Brien
R: Re: Re: Rules that Work

You are welcome. No, you may not share my comments with your editor for possible publication.

I'm sure the editor of the 'Scene' is busy enough with his or her second job/hobby as the jizz-mopper at the nudie booth without taking time out on something you could share. In spite of that, I reserve the right to continue encouraging you in your endeavors.

Thank you.


Isn't he darling?


B.E. Earl said...

You have the most sincere fans.

The Fool said...

Endearing little cuss, eh? It seems more of a self-revelation by the writer than a critique. I'm glad he's not my neighbor.

Steve Jeffery said...

The icing on the cake is that final clarifier, "I don't like you". The preceding sentiments are a bit noncommital, 'tis true.

D'you think he could do a regular guest spot?

Anonymous said...

Angry, insulting men are always charming. I'm sure he got off on the fact that you actually acknowledged him.

Zen Wizard said...

Your fans seem to place more conditions on their love than, say, the Jonas Brothers' fans.

Anonymous said...

Probably from Lake Huron.


Anonymous said...

Erin, this is embarrassing. Please let me apologise for my wife. I knew she was mad when she said "Do I have to be Erin O'Brien to get your attention?"

hoosierboy said...

wow, if he hates your writing so much why does he bother to read it? Some people have way too much time on their hands.

If it helps with the incredible pain I know you are feeling, consider this -- I like you...that and about four bucks will get you coffee at Starbucks.

Kirk Jusko said...

Share a van with Samuel Fulwood III?

Only if you have insomnia.

Bill the wrenchbender said...

WTF is pig-shit Irish? I am amazed daily at some of the complete and total ignorance of some people, hatred of another race/nationality/religion, without ever knowing the person they are spewing their vitriol at.
The anonymity that the internet offers has really opened my eyes as to how prevalent these attitudes are,kinda depressing, actually, as a kid I had hoped by the time I was the age I am today, that these type of people would be much harder to find. Sadly, I think the opposite is true.

Kirk Jusko said...

My apologies to Mr Fulwood, if he's reading this. I know what it's like to lose a job. It's just that Anonymous' lumping of your name with Ms. O'Brien seemed a bit Ms. O'Brien.

Erin, I just now looked at the link you provided. I'm missing something here. Is that article what set Anonymous off...or are you comparing him/her to Monica Lewinsky?

Erin O'Brien said...

Hi everyone and thanks for your comments.

I got this a while ago. It was the first thing I opened on New Year's Day. So yes, it was the "Rules" essay that spurned him to write.

I just thought it was so funny and full of contradiction. He thinks I should get canned, yet he doesn't want me to forward his "criticism" to my editor (I showed it all to my editor anyway, I always do not matter if it's positive or negative); he doesn't like me, but he obviously keeps reading me.

I never start mudslinging with this type. I always respond exactly as you see here.

Now, if you'd like to hear me read the meanest letter I ever fielded, click here.

John Ettorre said...

As I told you earlier, Erin, the virulence of this unbalanced person's hate tells me that you touched a truth (or several) in him that made him react this way. That's the good news in this.

VideoDude said...

For the life of me, I can't figure out what pissed this guy off. I have read and re-read the article. Amazing! Well, Erin some of us still love you, honey. Your resopnse and reaction to this asshole is perfect. Someone like this is just looking for a fight.

Kirk Jusko said...

I just clicked on to the "meanest letter". The writer seems to be accusing you of riding on your brother's coattails.

When I first started reading you in the Free Times a couple of years back, I wasn't aware of any connection between you and Leaving Las Vegas. Excuse me for my ignorance, but I only knew it as a Nicholas Cage movie. I didn't even know there was a Cleveland connection (it's strange I should miss that for this is a town that likes to trump up any connection to anybody even remotely famous. Remember, we've got a bridge named after Bob Hope's father!)

I started reading you because I was intrigued by that picture where your one eye is poking out from under your hat. What's with this chick, I wondered. Is she some sort of secret agent? I kept reading because your stuff was different than anyone elses. Even by the rather loose standards of an alternative newspaper.

I'm willing to bet most read you for that reason.

Anonymous said...

Nothing gets me off like a one-eyed woman either Kirk. I feel so validated.


Al The Retired Army Guy said...


God knows you and I disagree on a lot of things, mostly political. But I don't think that even with our worst disagreements would we stoop to the level of the writer you mention. Wow, just wow. Nobody, writer or not, deserves that kind of vitriole.

BTW, I like you too. Always have, always will. Even if I am a Republican. ;-)


Bill the wrenchbender said...

I read the meanest letter.......damn, another complete asshole keyboard hero. I also had no idea of the connection to your Brother for a good amount of time after I started reading your blog, I think I found you off of a link from the Bad Astronomer. I guess these folks are just jealous, or need to get laid.

Divana said...

What the eff is up with the hate on?

You know, Oscar Wilde has a great remedy for this - "The only worse thing about being talked about is not being talked about." -- Oscar Wilde.

I find it humorous that this person finds it necessary to take time out of his/her day to write you this kind of nonsense. WTF?\

You have inspired me to post your vid of the dipshit that wrote that ridiculous letter to you in response to "Leaving Las Vegas: Rearview" along with my bitchin' letter.

Who are these people??

Love you Erin! Keep rocking the shit out of everyone!!


G3T Films said...

I only said those things because I don't like you... and I trying to distract people from the fact my only sustenance is kittens.

Yeah, OK, I've never read your work before but your writing seems, at the very least, legible.

dudesworthy said...

Erin, please ignore this guy.

This is probably going to sound odd but...

I enjoy reading your writing (on the blog and the scene) because you provide a witty, insightful window into your life. You share some real wisdom on here.

The life that you lead is pretty different to mine but (and this is probably the weird bit) I find it sort of comforting to know that it exists and that someday, maybe, if I'm lucky enough, I could share in that sort of lifestyle with someone.

So, I guess what I want to say is, thanks for writing!

(I apologize if I come over as being a bit creepy here; I'm really rubbish at writing meaningful stuff...)

sleepydog said...

I'm pig shit Irish and I never get any hate mail. I feel left out.

Also, I have balls you can see from space.

I love me some Erin O


kamper said...

Mom? Is that you?

Dishonorable Schoolboy said...

What do you do to earn a spectacular response? Hell, I don't agree with much of what you write about but I'm normally entertained if nothing else. If I didn't get a least that out of it I wouldn't read it (or any columnist for that matter). Thing that pisses me off is the Irish comment, AS IF THAT HAS ANYTHING TO DO WITH ANYTHING. Oh well.

Eugene said...

Maybe that was the guy that stole your hat a few years back ;)

moondancer said...

I've knocked a block or two off for being called shanty Irish. But pig shit? Well it makes me want to drink a lot and sire hundreds of snot nosed red heads....

Anonymous said...

Pig Shit Irish means someone is Irish and extremely poor, or akin to white trash.