Monday, November 17, 2008

Royal flush


A person does not expect to go toilet shopping.

Yet here I am, shopping for a toilet. I do not want to shop for a toilet, but it seems unavoidable if, in fact, I am going to have a new toilet. There is nothing wrong with my old toilet, but if you're going to spend a lot of money in order to upgrade your bathroom, you might as well do it right and not put a 40-year-old crapper in a brand new bathroom.

In today's toilet market, having a powerful flush mechanism is important, at least according to promotional material.

"Will flush a bucket of golf balls!"

I am concerned about this metaphor. I am concerned about the likening of fecal deposits to what the kid behind the counter hands you at a driving range.

I will never flush the toilet again without thinking of a bucket of golf balls. Life is not fair.

10 comments:

Anonymous said...

Things are slow and the economy is in the crapper, so I thought I would stop by and say hello. When I get here, I find that your blog has also gone to the crapper - literally.

Still love ya!

Flamingo.

Zen Wizard said...

I guess it would be bad feng shui to get a used toilet--the guy who had the toilet before probably got all the good "While Sitting on the John"-Ideas out of the toilet when HE was sitting on it.

John Ettorre said...

I'm enjoying the mental image of you shopping for toilets. It gave me a smile today.

Kirk Jusko said...

Flushing down golf balls? That's a whole lot of hole-in-ones.

eviljwinter said...

Keep the 40-year-old crapper. Today's toilets are low-capacity, requiring multiple flushes.

Which means they're worse than the water hogs they replace.

Amy L. Hanna said...

What kirk jusko posted!

paulius said...

ditto on keeping the "vintage" toilet. New "lo-flo" models use half the water sure. But you flush them 3 times as much. My dream toilet is an old turqoise one ( matching sink&tub -natch)built on a small raised platform making it 4-5 inches higher than normal.

Haik Bedrosian said...

"And anyone taking a good look around my bathroom and wondering how I tolerate the horrible goddamn tile and peeling wallpaper, I tolerate it because I have to. And when we get enough money to redecorate it, we will. Until then I just have to suck it up. I don't take out loans just so I can shower in beautiful surroundings."

You got enough money, I guess. Congratulations.

deangc said...

The whole golf-ball/feces equivalency thing has got me spooked. I have images of having to pass a bucket of golf balls, for example, and I further find myself imagining a case where a golfer, having passed the bucket of golf balls, must now hit a bucket of turds out on the driving range.

I think there must be something wrong with me.

Kirk Jusko said...

At least we're not talking bowling.