Tuesday, March 11, 2008

Ask Erin, vol. 2

Dear Erin, if you could put a dildo on any kitchen utensil, which would it be and why? Glass Houses, Lakewood, Ohio.

Dear Glass: The hand-held rotary mixer is my first thought, but that seems entirely too obvious and, quite frankly, pedestrian. Says Tantus Inc. of their high-end silicone phalli, "For the most complete and thorough cleaning don't hesitate to toss your Tantus Toy on the top rack of the dishwasher," which surely appeals to the housewife in me.

For originality as well as function, however, I'd recommend including a slim, lady-finger style vibrator in the bar set, which serves as a superb automatic drink stirrer. Not specifically attached to a utensil, but I think that captures the spirit of your query.

Dear Erin, what kind of dancer are you? Mary L.

Dear Mary L: Once at the gym, a man approached me as I pumped away on the elliptical machine, dripping in perspiration and clad in a reprehensible tee shirt and sweats. "Is it true you were once a ballroom dancer?" he asked coyly. I squared my statuesque 5' 1" frame, shook my head regally and said, "Why, yes."

He nodded in satisfaction, "That's what I'd heard," he said, and walked away.

Dear Erin, there are no stupid questions as the saying goes, how many stupid answers are there? Josh W, Indiana.

Dear Josh: Two: yes and no.


Ken Houghton said...

Cool. A blog named after Laura Mixon Gould's second novel!

patrick said...

Whoever says there are no stupid questions has not sold local eggs at an urban market, where my friend tells me he not infrequently fields variations on this one:

"How do your roosters compare to hens in terms of egg production?"

Meagan B. Call said...

I've had people tell me I walk like a dancer, then go on to explain that dancers walk like ducks.

patrick said...

I wonder if ducks lay more eggs than drakes.

My 11-year-old son is a dancer, and come to think of it, he does walk a little like a duck. Drake, I guess I mean.

Apogee-v said...

Once, I observed a duck sitting in a tree, dangling both webbed feet off the rather large limb. He was watching me dance and I may have been slightly drunk at the time. We both thought it strange.

josh williams said...

Hey that was me that axed the question wasn't it? It had to be me cause I remember and well...What was your answer again?

Simon Sterwin said...

I too would strap it to the dishwasher if I had one.