The first five sentences on page 123 of the 31st Edition (1996) of the The Associated Press Stylebook and Libel Manual are:
(This spelling is a change in AP Style.)
Mace A trademark, shortened from Chemical Mace, for a brand of tear gas that is packaged in an aerosol canister and temporarily stuns its victims.
machine gun (n.) But: machine-gun (v. and adj.), machine-gunner.
* * *
I will now translate this for my Dear Readers.
Macau cannot get a date. Hence, his style manager changed his make-up, apparantly to no avail. The Macau would like very much to see an individual known as "weapons," but has been deterred by a group of armed guards, which are admittedly not very onerous as their machine guns are in their buts.
"weapons" has another suitor, a man named Mace, who has been cut off at the knees and uses a great deal of hairspray, the smell of which disgusts everyone except Mace, who will not go anywhere without using an entire can. He believes the resulting coif is stunning.
Macau will have to pass through Mace as well as the armed guards and the victims of Mace's hairspray (including his very own style manager) in order to get to "weapons." Alas, due to the style changes, this seems unlikely. (The style manager is a 34-year-old virgin. She is also in love with "weapons.")
Accostomed to idolatry, "weapons" has remained unaffected by it all. Conversely, Mace has been crying over the whole situation since anyone can remember. Macau is still waiting.
From the place where assholes are confounded.