Hum us sandwiches

This is the best goddamn hummus sandwich you'll ever eat, mothereffer.

Put all this shit in your food proccesor with the S-shaped blade:

One 15 OZ. can chickpeas, drained (reserve the liquid)

¼ C. Tahini

2-3 cloves raw, peeled garlic

2-4 TBSP. lemon juice

2 TBSP. dry parsley

1 ½ TSP. ground cumin

2 TBSP. olive oil

One TBSP. soy sauce

Ground red cayenne pepper to taste


(Don't everyone get all effed. I had to write this recipe for some shitty book at my kid's preschool years ago; and I had to figure out the ingredient amounts like regular back then. It's not like I went and measured all this shit out like some half-ass goddamn Betty Crocker wannabe, so don't think anything about it.)

Mix it until it's good and smooth. It will be thicker than regular hummus, sort of like peanut butter, but that's why it makes such kick-ass sandwiches. Add a little of the chickpea liquid or more oil if the texture seems too thick. Taste and put in some more soy sauce or red pepper or whatever.

You're done. How easy was that?

Now spread a big spoon of that on a fresh slice of pita bread. You can sprinkle diced raw green pepper, celery, green onion, lettuce or cucumber on there, but what you see in the picture is leftover steamed green beans (I've also been known to use leftover steamed broccoli) and totally kick ass pickled turnips. Drizzle a little hot sauce on there, roll that mother up and you are down.