I just woke up from a dream in which there were shiny green bumps in the surface of my fingernails. They were tiny, undeniably some sort of vegetation. They looked like the beginning of new green onions.
I was reticent about licking or sniffing them or (eek!) biting them to verify whether or not they were green onions. I started peeking at other people's fingertips. The only other people were men, all of whom were cultivating crops of green onion fingernails. Some of the growths were elaborate, with waving green stalks. Others had been chewed raw by their owners--a horrible sight. I was repulsed, but understandably relieved to discover I was not alone. I was also thankful to be at the polite tiny green bump stage of the ordeal. At least my bumps were still small and cute.
"Are they green onions?" I asked one somber gray man in an overcoat. He nodded apologetically and said some scientific name. then added, "a fungus," by way of explanation.
When I showed the growth to my husband, he pooh-poohed me and told me to ignore it. I stole a glance and saw that he, too, had a tiny green onion popping from his thumbnail.
I was drifting back and forth through the plenum that separates asleep from awake and I kept feeling the surface of my fingernails to verify they were smooth and free from growths. Results varied, depending on which side of the plenum I was on.
There were other disturbing waves in the dream, like the time I dreamt I was in the grocery store and some guy was using the deli meat carver to slice another guy's head beneath glaring fluorescent lights. Thankfully for me, this time Smart Erin erased the scariest stuff before Dumb Erin could remember it.