Dumb Erin flails on the screen. Men with huge erections are chasing Dumb Erin, who stops, teases them, then drinks heartily from a longneck bottle of beer.
Smart Erin sighs and rolls her eyes. She covers her hand with her face, peering at the screen from between her fingers.
Dumb Erin laughs maniacally. She runs, falls. He laughter turns to sobs. The men chasing her grow horns. Their flesh glows and turns red. Their hands and feet transform into claws. Dumb Erin screams and goes to drink from the bottle. But it is no longer a bottle. It's a gun!
Smart Erin groans.
The creatures chasing Dumb Erin no longer bear any resemblance to men. They are full blown devil monsters, fast and furious and mean.
Smart Erin shakes her head, exhales heavily.
Dumb Erin pants furiously. The devils have somehow fused into one enormous beast and he's gaining on her. She looks between them and the gun with confusion. Dumb Erin bites the fingernails of her shaking hand …
Smart Erin can't stand it anymore. She stands. "No! Don't!" she yells at the screen. "Don't throw the gun at the monster!" It's useless of course. Dumb Erin is already winding up her arm.
Dumb Erin throws the gun at the Godzilla-sized devil. It bounces uselessly against his chest. He rages on and descends on the tiny figure of Dumb Erin. Her screams are muted by his mass as he crushes, smashes and devours her.
"Every single time," says the disgusted Smart Erin to no one as "THE END" blazes from the otherwise black screen.