Monday, July 02, 2007

A few words from Bill O'Reilly


Today, I offer you a verbatim excerpt from "The O'Reilly Factor for Kids: A Survival Guide for America's Families" by Bill O'Reilly and Charles Flowers:

I didn't have sex until I was twenty years old! Can you believe it? I was kind of a shy guy around girls, and I had absolutely no "moves."

At the time, I thought I was some kind of loser. But then I started to see the consequences of other people's choices. Some of my more aggressive friends got girls pregnant. Some married those girls. Most of those marriages were disasters, and the children suffered. More than one of the guys I grew up with ruined his life, and the lives of others, because he had irresponsible sex.

That still happens today even though abortion is more common. And abortion has its consequences too--many girls who have abortions suffer terrible guilt their whole lives. The bottom line is that this sex thing is big-time serious.

Looking back, I was darn lucky I had no moves. I had to wait for sex, and I'm glad.


I have typed and deleted a half dozen comments about that piece of text in this space. None of them worked. It is not common for me to have nothing to add. Hence, that is all I shall note.

I have nothing to add.

Mr. O'Reilly has spoken for himself very adeptly.

17 comments:

blog Portland said...

I recall hearing audio of Mr. O'Reily's "moves" via a recorded telephone conversation... I think they should be put on ice for another 20 years.

Erin O'Brien said...

Or thirty or forty.

Erin O'Brien said...

wow. Thanks blog portland. I guess I just needed someone else to start commenting.

jamwall said...

i've got nothing to add because i'm glad.

very glad.

BV said...

If it weren't for me having sex..I probably wouldn't be dealing with HPV and pre-cancerous cells. I also wouldn't have had any abortions (although I feel no guilt...I still would rather have not had them).

But, having O'Reilly tell me that makes me kinda want to throw up and would probably not change any of my circumstances. People have to learn for themselves.

Badger said...

I've learned that to much fapping causes hairy palms. It's true. I have to comb them every morning. Now after that "insightful" comment would one of you O'Brien stalkers tell me how to get one of those fancy avatars.

Erin O'Brien said...

BV: the very idea of O'Reilly makes me want to throw up. Although I must say that I found this passage to be nearly artfully moronic.

Badger: why don't you do them up in braids! As for the avatar, I've had mine for so long, I've forgotten how I uploaded it. Something in the profile page, methinks ....

Ken Houghton said...

Falafel was married when he was 20?

No. But I thought...

Oh, well. Speaking of some woman(?) who is Carrying A Lot of Guilt with Her about Past Sexual Activity...

Erin O'Brien said...

That lumpy pack on my back is not filled with guilt, Mr. Hougton, it is filled with marital aids.

Maureen McHugh said...

Why is it that so many men are so sure that women are feeling horrible about their abortions?

Hal said...

Blog Portland, I think this is the phone conversation you were talking about.

It's an illustration of the kind of moves O'Reilly has these days.

Erin O'Brien said...

MM: I'm not sure O'Reilly believes in anything at all. Money, maybe.

Hal: The link states that O'Reilly "subjected her to repeated instances of sexual harassment and spoke often, and explicitly, to her about phone sex, vibrators, threesomes, masturbation, the loss of his virginity, and sexual fantasies."

At least when I do that, I use the Internet for heaven's sake. Sheesh. Some people.

Carla said...

O'Reilly is glad he had no moves and I bet so are a lot of girls. I like the phrase "artfully moronic." Must remember that one.

Hal said...

By the way, this topic reminded me of a hilarious Keith Olbermann blast against O'Reilly on his show, when he read comments BOR made about his show in a Ted Baxter impersonation.

Erin O'Brien said...

Carla: It is a good phrase. Wonder when I'll get to use it again.

Hal: What a great and fun way to ring in the fourth, by bashing O'Reilly! There's no way we could show more respect for our country.

Jarvis Rockhall said...

Bill O’Reilly... That would be the Fox News opinion-muppet would it not?

Robin said...

Well! Now I understand why that Bill O'Reilly is SO DARN SEXY. He was just SAVING HIMSELF for us lucky Americans.

Good thing he didn't throw himself away on cheap thrills.

(And forget about the beer test. He never developed a taste for Schlitz. You have to start early for a good, solid appreciation for warm canned beer.)