Thursday, January 25, 2007

Lunch date

My Dearly Beloved and I are at some silly lunch place called Zoup! We stand in line, moving with bovine-like predictability along with other prospective Zoup! consumers. Eventually, it's our turn. We verbalize our order.

"Name, please?" asks the kid in the hat.

My Dearly Beloved gives his first name. Then we go to the drink machine and take a seat at the window counter.

The kid in the hat calls out "Brenda," who dutifully retrieves her bowl of seafood bisque and chunk of sourdough.

"Jason?" calls the kid in the hat.

"Remind me next time to give the name 'Dildo,' just so he has to yell it across the room," says my Dearly Beloved. I laugh at his quip, then we both stare out at the Cleveland January gray as we sip our ice tea and wait.

"I'm hungry," he says.

"Me too," I say.

The kid in the hat finally says my Dearly Beloved's name.

"You're up, Dildo," I say.

16 comments:

Anonymous said...

So what did you order?

sleepydog said...

One of my fave South Park quotes:

Cartman: Mom, Kitty's being a little dildo !!

Cartman's Mom: Then I know a certain kitty kitty who's sleeping with Mommy tonight !!

Erin O'Brien said...

Toby: Excellent question. I had a small seafood bisque (the lobster bisque was sold out) with sourdough and a half of a turkey Panini sandwich, Both of which were palatable. It was too much food for me and my Dearly Beloved ended up with a large portion of my sandwich as well as his half of a ham Panini sandwich (which he felt was mediocre) and a small order of French onion soup, which I sampled. I am fairly certain my own humble French onion soup efforts here at home are superior to those of the chefs at Zoup!

I will return, however, and order less food and, perhaps try their Chicken Pot Pie soup, which looked good.

I am an asshole.

Sleepy: Well, I've got to post this link, which I suppose was pretty predictable.

Satan said...

hey gorgeous next time give them my name

Anonymous said...

I always use the the name 'Holden MacGroin' when ordering at Fuddruckers. They never say the last name, though.

Anonymous said...

Don't cha just love little pet names?

Darby M. Dixon III said...

I'm going to go there and give the name Zoup! just so I can hear the guy yell Zoup! and watch the entire place implode with self-referential glee.

Zoup! from the latin for God's Wounds!

Dean said...

Your mockery is painful to all those who know and love Dildo, Nfld.

jamwall said...

i usually tell them that my name is: "oh jamwall! oh! oh!"

it makes for an amusing eating experience.

Anonymous said...

Ah, the terms of endearment. ;)

Anonymous said...

Whenever we go to a posh place with a few friends, we always leave the last name "Donner," just because I like to hear them shout, "Donner! Party of four ... "

Erin O'Brien said...

Satan: The last time I did that, I was fighting off a whole effing God Squad for the rest of lunch!

Bug: I think Holden MacGroin is a fine name for a writer. Maybe use it as a pen name for a new book on masturbation?

BV: When you're married to a miserable cloven-hoofed goat, you take what you can get.

Darby: Gimme a time and date so I can be there and videotape the spectacle.

Dean: It's sounds like a marvelous vacation destination to me. I imagine I won't have to pack my own ... um ... embarrassing unmentionables?

Jam: Even when the clerk is a big hairy guy with jock itch?

Fool: Hey, I'm not always like this. Sometimes I call him a warlock.

Helen: Remember that old cartoon (Warner bros?) wherein the two guys are stranded on an island and one sees the other as a hotdog and one sees the other as a hamburger and they keep chasing each other around? Am I dumb?

Anonymous said...

(bwah-ha-ha-ha-ha)

"You're up, Dildo"?

God, I hate to know what you call him when you're angry at him...

jamwall said...

that would be quite hilarious!

Anonymous said...

Umm...so how did you know I wrote the book on masterbation?

Hal said...

I bet he was up.