Thursday, September 07, 2006
Eff all you mother effers who don't think I know what the eff I'm doing.
*UPDATE UPDATE UPDATE*
Looks like I need to add some information to this entry.
1) Listen effers. If you effers need an effing soup can to know how big an effing book is, you are effed. Eff off. I'm not taking another picture.
2. The work lists copyrights for 1965, 1966, 1969, and finally, 1973. Looks like this baby was born in 1965 just like me. I, however, only come in one edition. I am not now, nor ever was I, available for 50 cents.
3. The book is chock-full of helpful information including how to care for Alpaca wool; drying curve graphs of time vs. temperature for light and heavy loads; and how to remove stains such as blood, alcohol and lipstick (information of which I'm certain each of us is in need).
4. When I was 16, Pete Wilken came to my house and we necked on the couch while my parents were out at a party. Pete became so aroused that the tip of his enthusiastic member peeked out of the waistband of his jeans and he ejaculated all over my shirt, which was crafted from cotton gauze. After I laundered the shirt, I found that there were holes and frayed spots where Pete's semen had landed.
Although the Maytag Encyclopedia of Home Laundry offers this advice regarding the removal of catsup: "Scrape off excess with a dull knife. Soak in cold water 30 minutes. Rub detergent into stain while still wet and launder in hot water using chlorine bleach. For non-bleachable fabrics: Same method. Launder in warm water. Omit chlorine bleach," it has no specific instruction regarding my situation with Pete, my cotton shirt and his ejaculate.
5. I love you.