Sufferers of Toothpaste Disease often torture and flatten an empty tube of toothpaste until said tube disinte grates. They also endure severe depression when the dental floss comes to a non-negotiable end.
Container Disease: The compulsion to save all jars, containers, plastic tubs and (in severe cases) plastic knives, forks and spoons.
Persons afflicted with Container Disease also horde ketchup, mustard, tartar sauce and mayonaisse packets, as well as paper salt and pepper packets. The cruel irony of this disorder is the sufferer's inability to ever find lids that properly match containers. They also never use the portable condiments, which either get thrown away or expel their contents accidentally and unfortunately by being stepped on or squashed in a drawer.
Dishwasher Disease: The need to have the contents of the dishwasher arranged with maniacal precision.
Those with Dishwasher Disease often unload dirty dishes in order to reload them in a way that is aesthetically pleasing to them, despite the fact that said rearrangement will have absolutely no bearing on the efficacy of the automated wash process.
Doing Everything Dumb Disease: Sufferers complete normal processes in a dumb manner.
Painting a room, for example, often requires the afflictee to make eight or ten trips to the paint store. One to buy paint, another to purchase roller pan liners, another to purchase rollers, another to purchase additional paint and so on. Said trips are usually made within the same day and cause the diseased increasing frustration. Those afflicted often ask paint store clerks, as well as their own reflection in the rear view mirror, "Why do I do everything dumb?"
There are no known cures for the aforementioned diseases.
**This post originally ran in May 2006**