Friday, November 18, 2005

Update, update, update.

1. The couch is gone. So are the leaves.

2. Here is a smattering of the things people have been searching for via Google and Yahoo and MSN that eventually brought them here (I have left the associated capitalizations intact):

-Eliminate Forever Premature Ejaculation

-necrophiliacs

-marie callander boxed desserts

-Scientifically Guaranteed Male Multiple Orgasms and Ultimate Sex

-MOM & DAD SCREWING

-tony dicosimo

I hereby solicit commentary from the respective search authors:

-Did you embark on your search in hopes of arriving at The Erin O'Brien Owner's Manual for Human Beings? What was the impetus of said search? Didst thou fully expect the natural path of MOM & DAD SCREWING to logically leadeth thou to these hallowed pages? Whyeth?

-If not, werest thou nonetheless duly satisfied when these pages were delivered unto thou?

-Any details, including those about how this site aided in the elimination of premature ejaculation or the investigation of frozen desserts are welcome.

-Or, more economically, "What the hell gives, tony?"

3. Although the "Customer's who viewed this book also viewed" list has mysteriously disappeared from my novel's Amazon page, before it did, I noted these two additions:

"The Dead of Winter: How Battlefield Investigators, WWII Veterans, and Forensic Scientists Solved the Mystery of the Bulge's Lost Soldiers," by Bill Warnock

"Autobiography of a Fat Bride: True Tales of a Pretend Adulthood," by Laurie Notaro

My Amazon sales rank is too dismal to actually type.

4. Many of my associates are concerned over the health of my marriage due to the publication of the short list. I deeply appreciate the vote of confidence. However, as surprising as it may sound and despite my open invitation to the likes of Bob Woodruff, James Carville and Jim Cantore, the population of our conjugal bed remains at two (me and my husband).

Regarding the numerous questions I've had over my husband's reaction to the list, my insufferable lust and propensity for sin were known to him when we exchanged wedding vows thirteen years ago. There is little left that shocks him.

To those who were curious about whether or not my husband has a short list, he did threaten me once. "You know Erin," he said, "I might have a little ol' short list of my own," to which I reacted by falling on the ground laughing.

To the gentleman who opined that the short list is not all that short: This humble author doth have faith in numbers.

10 comments:

Karen Rani said...

Okay, I *knew* you were sick in the head like me, but "MOM & DAD SCREWING?????"

BLECH BLECH BLECH!!!!!!!!!!

Erin O'Brien said...

Surely, dear reader, you cannot blame me (your demure hostess) for the fact that Google led the individual seeking "MOM & DAD SCREWING" to my post, can you?

Dongley Shlongford said...

Either way, Me LIKEY

Colonel Angus said...

Ahh, the Bulge. I remember it like it was yesterday...

FLAMINGO1 said...

What lept off the page at me (assuming that I can call your blog entry a page) was the fact that someone was out there searching "necrophiliacs" and stumbled into your blog certainly due to your post regarding the museum visit.

Maybe you were right...there are necrophiliacs everywhere!!!

Dongley Shlongford said...

I once had a troupe of female circus midgets in my conjugal bed.
I finally realized why I keep that snorkel under my bed.

Melanhead said...

I found your site through untitledlife.com, and I had the epiphany that I need your manual to survive, so I have bookmarked you. Although I am a tad jealous that Jim Cantore puts the cream in your pants. I thought I was the only one.

bon said...

I make my admission here... my short list is only two deep...
forrest whitaker
david morse
sigh.

Anonymous said...

Facinating. For those that have been searching Google, Yahoo, and the cyber-cosmos in general for "tony dicosimo", I would like to tell all that he is on a similar search ... maybe even a vision quest. Suffice it to say that he is occassionally given the good fortune to catch a glimpse of himself ... although is confused as to why anyone else would have such a need.

Erin O'Brien said...

Now I am (of course) smoldering with curiosity over the enigmatic Tony Dicosimo.