"The United States racked up a $1.29 trillion deficit in fiscal year 2010, the federal government said Friday.
While that is historically high, it's not as high as the $1.42 trillion registered for 2009, which was the largest on record as a percentage of the economy since 1945. In real dollar terms, the 2009 gap was the largest ever."---CNN Money.
All I want from my girlfriend is to look at her after we DO IT. I mean REALLY look at her. But every time I try to sneak a peek, she rolls over and crosses her legs. Am I being weird?
--Boy who Wonders
* * *
Dear Boy Wonder,
No you are not being weird. Men can't get enough of that thing. I don't know why, but there it is. So you're 100 percent normal, but to get to the (ahem) bottom of your situation, we need to take a a couple of steps back.
So, Boy Wonder, are you or are you not delivering a splendorous orgasm unto Batgirl during the proceedings?
Methinks not.
Because if you were, Batgirl would be so full of glorious human sexual fulfillment, the aftermath would have her breathless on her back, not caring one toot if you were examining the secrets of the ol' batcave with a Klieg light. She'd probably even be giggling with that joyous intoxicated satisfaction only a true-life climax can produce. Hell, given enough big O's, she might even leave her cape and mask on, or show you a few inverted yoga poses (keep plenty of towels on hand in the case of that eventuality).
Instructing you on the ins and outs of how to properly maneuver your Batmobile in order to deliver the big O is a bigger tutorial than I can fit into this here blog post, but you might start by studying up in your spare time. Look at some diagrams and get making with the internet. Maybe upgrade to a nice bottle of vino instead of a six of Natty Light on your next date. If she loosens up enough, you might even talk Batgirl into giving you a live tour of her batcave during the opening acts of the evening, if you know what I mean.
Good luck.
* * *
Have a question about sex, housewifery, politics, culture or goat husbandry? Why not ask Erin?
It is an excellent mouse for beginners. The scroll bar is large and red, making it highly visible and easily identifiable. Manipulating the scroll ball on this model is so simple, anyone can do it.
Well, almost anyone.
I found the candy-like appearence of the scroll ball so inviting, I wanted to lick it, but was too embarrassed to ask. So I took the picture instead.
Mice have a lot of personality. Depending on how the mouse driver is programed, a mouse can be as individual as its owner. For instance, this one is considerably more sophisticated and complex than our first example. Some would call it "high maintenance."
Although I am not sure, I think this it may belong to the woman who is modeling it in such an inviting way. She is sure proud of her mouse. Plus, she's got a certain authority. I'll bet she knows how to manipulate a scroll bar with just the right amount of pressure. She's probably manipulated hundreds.
This is my mouse.
Unlike the other mice, the only predominate feature available on the body of the mouse is the scroll ball.
There is no mistaking the scroll ball on my mouse, mister!
I have been manipulating my scroll ball for a long, long time. Have others manipulated my scroll ball? Sure, but let's keep the party polite and keep those details private.
Some might say that my mouse isn't very flashy or new-fangled, but that's the way I like it. I'm a bit of a purist that way. Some would call it "low maintenance."
I hate to admit this, but sometimes my scroll ball gets stuck. When that happens, I get out my can of pressurized air and give it a nice cold blast. After that, my scroll ball works good as new.
Sex columnist Dan Savage's Episode 57 podcast, which originally posted November 20, 2007, features a guest expert. Savage and "Science" open the show with a discussion on how to determine whether or not a woman is faking an orgasm. The description tag for the podcast calls it "a useful tutorial on how to scientifically determine whether a woman's orgasm is fake or genuine."
The two Boy Wonders go on to tell their listening audience to check for pupil dilation and sweaty palms and feet at the moment of climax, all of which indicate an innate "fight or flight" response commonly associated with orgasm.
This is your advice, boys? Palms and pupils? You're kidding me, right?
When you're talking the fairer-sex climax, you are obligated to include a mention of orgasmic contractions. Perhaps Savage was being polite and didn't want to trump his guest. Maybe he was having a subtle laugh at Science's expense. But orientation notwithstanding, Savage has mentioned orgasmic contractions before, so it's not as though he doesn't know about them. Whatever the case, neither man brought up the single most definitive characteristic of a real orgasm. And how you can have such a discussion without mentioning the fact that the vagina puts on a regular floor show during the genuine article escapes me.
What really bothers me is that there is a contingent of men that took this sage advice at face value. They're out there prying their lover's eyes open at a crucial moment or blotting their palms with a Kleenex to check for perspiration. Savage and Co., you did a major disservice to all of them as well as their partners. Shame on you! Now let me set things straight.
Gentlemen, the puss is not static during climax. It does fun tricks.
That said, I am not a doctor or statistician, just one woman with copious experience. I realize the orgasmic reaction is as unique as the woman enjoying it. Some vaginae mark climax with a subtle vibration while others exhibit a wildly undulating affair. Mine sings the Star Spangled Banner.
And if you don't believe me and don't have anyone around to demonstrate, there are plenty of NSFW examples available courtesy of the honeys over at Youporn.
This is not a secret. Plenty of people have written about it. But nonetheless, it continues to mystify. So here are a few tips.
I understand that during regular boy/girl coitus, the usual suspect may or may not feel the woman's climax, particularly if it's subtle. The man may wonder how sincere that scream really was. That said, gents, your tongue or fingers will know for sure. Seeing is believing as well.
You know what you have to do.
And for pity's sake, don't be afraid to ask for help or direction. A straight-forward demonstration may be in order as well. Once you are familiar with her unique climactic reactions, you'll never wonder again. And by then, you'll be delivering the goods so regularly, it won't be an issue.
And yeah, if it's a one-night stand and you don't know the woman at all, don't expect to know her orgasm. That advice goes for the ladies out there as well. I hate to be a fuddy-duddy, but long-term relationships produce the best sex for a reason.
To summarize: If she's grunting and moaning and pulling a regular When Harry Met Sally, but her vagina isn't doing anything, you've probably got a goose egg. On the other hand, if all she offers up a tiny "ooh" along with a bead or two of sweat while her puss performs acrobatics, you done good, kid.
And if she's splayed out on the bed with limbs like noodles and a smoky look in her eyes afterwards, that speaks volumes as well. You could call it the wake of pupil dilation, but I like my description better.
Good luck out there.
Confidential to the ladies: Don't fake; teach. Just trust me on this.
This image routes tons of traffic to my pages. I originally linked it in this mediocre post that I don't like very much and might have taken down if it didn't garner so many hits. I should probably edit it and kick it up a bit for those who do follow the clitoris over there, but I just haven't gotten around to that. That said, the comments on that post are top notch, so if you do hop over there, skim the entry and read through the banter, particularly the very last anonymous entry, which will wipe the smile from your face and give you pause.
But this post isn't about any of that, it's about why the popularity of that image is a Good Sign for the Human Race. I think everyone can agree that the graphic is a lot more educational than erotic. And although I've not been able to completely untangle the Google web that leads so many clitoris-curious Internetonians to my blog, I've learned that the graphic appears in some Google image search with a reference link to the Erin O'Brien Owner's Manual for Human Beings.
So lots of people are following an educational diagram of the clitoris to an owner's manual. Clearly, they want to learn how to work the thing, identify it, understand it, demystify it, or maybe befriend it. Whatever the impetus, isn't this good news for clitorides* everywhere? And who doesn't learn something when they first view that image? I had no idea the thing was so complex. It certainly sheds light on why a self-induced climax courtesy of slim fingers is paltry compared to a gorgeous exploding coital orgasm, wherein the little crus clitoris and corpus cavernosum have something yummy to hug! Who knew?
Go clitoris!
Undoubtedly, reposting the image will bring even more traffic here. Perhaps I'm doing a disservice to the title of this blog, but I'm afraid I'm not going to give any instructions on how to happily manipulate a clitoris. I'm pretty sure they're all different and have their own special needs. It is sort of tricky and what works one time may not work the next time, but don't get discouraged.
The only advice I have is practice, experiment and don't be afraid to ask plenty of questions! You'll know when you're doing it right. Have faith, you'll get the hang of it. And if you really have no idea what to do, a nice gentle kiss is probably a pretty safe start. What better way to say hello?
*Make sure you check the pronunciation of the clitorides on that link. Believe it or not, it's even more fun than the singular pronunciation.
1. You can completely sanitize your kitchen sponge by putting it in the microwave for two minutes. Just make sure it's good and wet or it will catch fire. And it will by HOT, so careful taking it out of there.
2. Someone landed on one of my archive pages after Googling "bejeweled clitoris." I don't remember leaving a bejeweled clitoris anywhere around here. But I hope we here at the Owner's Manual satisfied that customer just the same.
Men* are endlessly fascinated with female genitalia. They practically deify it. Take fellow blogger Doug Hoffman for instance. He hosted an hilarious labia-fest in this post, which he then revisited with bragging rights on soaring hitcounts and a Mary Tyler Moore feature (MooreToe™) here.
Personally, I prefer the term "cleft of Venus" over the animalistic "cameltoe." (Although I must admit that "cameltoe" projects a more accurate visual image.) There is also "pudendal cleft," perfect for the gynecological set.
Labia! Labia! Labia!
It's funny how the world happily celebrates labia, but clitorides (the plural form of clitoris, pronounced clitorideez) are pretty much kept under wraps. Men* love the idea of the opening, the entrance, the gateway to the vaginal canal, but that other organ found within terrifies the living daylights out of them.
Cameltoe Forum. Become a member and enjoy forums on topic such as Cameltoe pictures, movies and stories, as well as Celebrity Cameltoe.
(Cameltoe stories?)
*By no means to I mean to exclude the lesbian population. I am simply not qualified to comment on its part in the celebration of the female nether parts, perhaps because the fairer homosexuals are not as brashly vocal about all of this. Whatever the case, I duly encourage lesbians far and wide to comment copiously in this post.
1. You can completely sanitize your kitchen sponge by putting it in the microwave for two minutes. Just make sure it's good and wet or it will catch fire. And it will by HOT, so careful taking it out of there.
It's funny how the world happily celebrates labia, but clitorides (the plural form of clitoris, pronounced clitorideez) are pretty much kept under wraps. Men* love the idea of the opening, the entrance, the gateway to the vaginal canal, but that other organ found within terrifies the living daylights out of them.
"The clitoris has deep roots and may in fact change in size and slightly change in location as hormone levels fluctuate throughout a woman's life."
