-Combine a 14-ounce can of condensed sweetened milk, a pint of half-n-half, one tablespoon of vanilla and a quarter teaspoon of finely ground nutmeg.
-Mix the living shit out of it until the living shit is mixed out of it. (I suppose you could whisk it or use a blender, but I use an empty one-liter plastic bottle and shake-shake-shake it [yes, Sherlock you may need to employ a funnel and yes, you will probably need to find a way to prop up the condensed sweetened milk can, the funnel and the bottle like some half-ass housewife Jenga sculpture because it takes for-fucking-ever to ooze out of there and no, I have zero experience with the can and bottle and funnel {that you thought you propped up securely} falling over and getting all the hell over the place while you were changing the laundry.])
-Get out the popsicle molds. (I'm not even saying one word.)
-Fill the molds with the cream mixture and freeze those pops until they're frozen.
-Loosen the pops by quickly running them under warm water.
-Bite into one of those mothers and crumple before my superlative greatness.
These cream pops are good in winter. They are good in summer. They are good after conjugal relations. They are good before conjugal relations. They are good all of the time and making them will be the best thing that happens to you all weekend if not all month.
I swear you people do not deserve me. This post is done.
* * *

