Sunday, April 17, 2011

Nutmeg cream pops will rock your face off

I am a goddess of unparalleled genius and I command you to cease your meaningless diversions and do this right now.

-Combine a 14-ounce can of condensed sweetened milk, a pint of half-n-half, one tablespoon of vanilla and a quarter teaspoon of finely ground nutmeg.

-Mix the living shit out of it until the living shit is mixed out of it. (I suppose you could whisk it or use a blender, but I use an empty one-liter plastic bottle and shake-shake-shake it [yes, Sherlock you may need to employ a funnel and yes, you will probably need to find a way to prop up the condensed sweetened milk can, the funnel and the bottle like some half-ass housewife Jenga sculpture because it takes for-fucking-ever to ooze out of there and no, I have zero experience with the can and bottle and funnel {that you thought you propped up securely} falling over and getting all the hell over the place while you were changing the laundry.])

-Get out the popsicle molds. (I'm not even saying one word.)

-Fill the molds with the cream mixture and freeze those pops until they're frozen.

-Loosen the pops by quickly running them under warm water.

-Bite into one of those mothers and crumple before my superlative greatness.

These cream pops are good in winter. They are good in summer. They are good after conjugal relations. They are good before conjugal relations. They are good all of the time and making them will be the best thing that happens to you all weekend if not all month.

I swear you people do not deserve me. This post is done.

* * *


Vince said...

Sounds ever so good.

Or take the same can of condensed milk. Cover in a saucepan of water and simmer for three hours. A plop--plop simmer. Allow to cool. Open can and eat the best damed toffee you'll ever come by.

Erin O'Brien said...

Seriously, Vince? That's amazing. I've got to try it.

Anonymous said...

but, more importantly, do the nutmeg-sicles *bring about* conjugal relations?

Anonymous said...

Ditto on boiling the can of sweetened condensed milk. In Miami, that's the *only* way real Cuban grandmothers make Dulce de Leche. Best eaten off your fingers when you think no one is looking.

Remove the label before dropping the can in the water so you'll feel like you've contributed to the process.

Ms Amanda said...

That sounds amazing...

Vince said...

NOTE; never allow it to boil dry fully exposing the tin-can. For that sucker will explode like a grenade.

spants said...

Starbucks sells this product called VIA. It's instant coffee. Really good instant coffee. Leave out the nutmeg and add a packet or two of VIA and you have Vietnamese Iced Coffee popsicles. Excellent recipe, O'Brien. You can use it as a base for anything you can imagine.

Mrs. C said...

Your recipe posts are so refreshng in their own right. Say, watcha cookin' an' servin' for Easter?

Anonymous said...

It sounds delish! Nutmeg is so underused today! Any chance you remember Prang's soda fountain from Lakewood back in the 1960's? My father used to take us there after we visited the dentist (Dr. Kastler). They put nutmeg on top of chocolate shakes, a practice I continue to this day.

J9 said...

The boiling dry and exploding component of Vince's version is why it is called danger pudding.

alphadog said...

How much rum can you put into the mix and still have it freeze?
Or at least come out slushy?
Oh WTF, I'll eat it with a spoon.

glittergirl said...

weird, my mom used to make these, but instead of nutmeg there was some kind of fruit flavor. but the condensed milk makes awesome cream pops of all kinds!

Erin O'Brien said...

Hola gang.

Father of Goat is actually buying me dinner this Easter, but I've purchased a ham on sale nonetheless. I make my poor fam eat it morning noon and night until the miserable thing is gone.


Life is beautiful, I tell you.

Norm said...

Yay, HAMATHON. Also yay cream pops. And yay conjugal relations. It's gonna be a great summer.

danb said...

Erin, you make me laugh.



Anonymous said...

Dulce de Leche.

Why I come to the Owners Manual.

Say...can you hook me up with a Cuban Grandma?


P.S. HAMATHON. 2nd only to Dulce de Leche.

Anonymous said...

Because I was out-of-town when I read this post, I didn't comment-- I knew I couldn't make them on vacation.

First, I HATE all but the teeniest amount of nutmeg. I am a bit scared of the recipe because of it. But they do sound really, really good. I know you know about my Big Blue coffee drink and this reminded me of it and I am afraid I could become addicted to these too and they would grow my butt even bigger! But, I am going to buy the ingredients today. I have popsicle molds, the old Tupperware set from my own childhood and some new ones from the time I was a good mom who made healthy frozen treats for her kids.

Did you know that Connecticut used to be called "The Nutmeg State?" All that blue-blooded wealth goes way back.