The first lady

Dear ugly green jacket guys,

I guess you had your big golf party yesterday. Some guy named Bubba won. I guess that IBM chick was there in her pink jacket.

All sorts of people have been talking about whether or not you should have given the lady CEO of your sugar-daddy donor one of your green jackets. Some people called you archaic, others were on your side, saying it's your little ol' golf club and you can run it any way you choose.

Watching old fat rich white guys squirm always inflates me with joy, particularly when they're old fat rich southern white guys who've been caught in their own web. After all, the donor CEO/membership thing was your idea. And despite the fact that I would love to see Ginnie grow some balls and pull IBM's support out from underneath you, I admit that your club membership is your business. That said, let me take you Boy Wonders for a short walk down memory lane.

In company with the first lady ever to qualify at Indianapolis ... gentlemen, start your engines!

The year was 1977. The race was the Indy 500. The "first lady" was Janet Guthrie. No, the comparison is not perfect, but y'all could have used a little of the sentiment behind Janet's Indy debut. Plenty of bellyaching went on over it, but the "first lady" moment was a great one. It won hearts and minds. Everyone loved it. The barrier was broken, yet the tradition was beautifully intact. The race went on.

And boy did it. The Indy cars screamed around the track. AJ went on to drink the milk for the fourth time. Janet didn't do so well.

Guess what, boys? No one turned gay. No one's dick fell off. It was just another great 500 miles on Memorial Day weekend.

Can you boys imagine the roar that would have erupted from the crowd had Rometty stepped onto the links in an ugly green jacket yesterday?

Perhaps you'd like to believe you've kept something intact, that things have stayed the same, that you've saved something. Let me suck the wind out of your sigh of relief, boys. Today, you've saved and protected nothing, but you did squander something rare: the chance to be heroes. In doing so, you've changed yourselves.

Today you wake up smaller in every possible way.

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