Monday, April 09, 2012

The first lady

Dear ugly green jacket guys,

I guess you had your big golf party yesterday. Some guy named Bubba won. I guess that IBM chick was there in her pink jacket.

All sorts of people have been talking about whether or not you should have given the lady CEO of your sugar-daddy donor one of your green jackets. Some people called you archaic, others were on your side, saying it's your little ol' golf club and you can run it any way you choose.

Watching old fat rich white guys squirm always inflates me with joy, particularly when they're old fat rich southern white guys who've been caught in their own web. After all, the donor CEO/membership thing was your idea. And despite the fact that I would love to see Ginnie grow some balls and pull IBM's support out from underneath you, I admit that your club membership is your business. That said, let me take you Boy Wonders for a short walk down memory lane.

In company with the first lady ever to qualify at Indianapolis ... gentlemen, start your engines!

The year was 1977. The race was the Indy 500. The "first lady" was Janet Guthrie. No, the comparison is not perfect, but y'all could have used a little of the sentiment behind Janet's Indy debut. Plenty of bellyaching went on over it, but the "first lady" moment was a great one. It won hearts and minds. Everyone loved it. The barrier was broken, yet the tradition was beautifully intact. The race went on.

And boy did it. The Indy cars screamed around the track. AJ went on to drink the milk for the fourth time. Janet didn't do so well.

Guess what, boys? No one turned gay. No one's dick fell off. It was just another great 500 miles on Memorial Day weekend.

Can you boys imagine the roar that would have erupted from the crowd had Rometty stepped onto the links in an ugly green jacket yesterday?

Perhaps you'd like to believe you've kept something intact, that things have stayed the same, that you've saved something. Let me suck the wind out of your sigh of relief, boys. Today, you've saved and protected nothing, but you did squander something rare: the chance to be heroes. In doing so, you've changed yourselves.

Today you wake up smaller in every possible way.

*  *  *


Bill said...

I don't watch much golf but was with a bunch of golfers yesterday. It was great golf but I didn't see any fat old white quys squirming. The match was exciting and the winner was a self taught golfer (never took a lesson) who used a pink driver and was a walking billboard for fighting breast cancer. I seriously doubt that anyone involved woke up smaller this morning.

Joe said...

I don't care what a bunch of guys do at their Country Club.

Is the Golf Club at Augusta any different than the local Curves gym that only allows women?

My view might be twisted a little since I actually graduated from one of the few remaining all-male colleges in the States, but I really do not see what is the big deal with an all male country club, or an all female Swedish Suntan team.

I don't see the problem. I could likely be swayed if anyone presented a coherant argument.

I also will not lose one second of sleep if the guys who run Augusta let in a woman. If that were to happen, I suspect the next battle at Augusta will be that it is a PRIVATE club.

Anonymous said...

The squirmy old fat guys were all on Sunday morning news shows talking about God. Even divine intervention couldn't get 'em from New York to Augusta before tee time.

I kinda like having 'em all together in one place. Or I should say in Augusta. Doesn't do much for me when they're in D.C.

But Kudos to Bubba. A great victory.


Erin O'Brien said...

Here's your squirming, Bill.

It is a private club, Joe, and as I said in my post, they're entitled to be exclusionary. But this isn't the Dayton Men's Club. The Master's seem to be a pretty big deal. So although the club is private, they play on a global stage, where they duly appeared as the sniveling sexist exclusionary cheezdicks they are yesterday.

Joe said...

Oh and I was at the Big Race in Indy in 1977. The cars made 800 right turns, the sun followed its track across the sky and life continued apace. My memory of the event and days and weeks leading up was of excitement tha ta woman was running at Indy rather than "Oh my God, the race is ruined".

But then I am now past middle age and memories are often what we want them to be!

Bill said...

You call THAT squirming, Erin? I call it, the old rich guy telling the reporter wanna be, "none of your fucking business, boy".

Joe said...

Oh, and I am not disagreeing with your post either way. I truly do not give a crap about Augusta National. I think there are WAY bigger things to worry about than what a buch of rich geezers due about the membership to their club.

What they need to do is hire a public relations firm so they do not come across as such assholes: "We are always looking at our policies and membership criterea to ensure Augusta National remains the best possible Club..."

Bill said...

@Joe, Did they actually change the direction of the turns for that woman?!

Joe said...

LEFT turns

Once a rightie...that is all you can think of...

Erin O'Brien said...

Joe, I said it wasn't a perfect comparison. But women did have to break into the Indy circuit over time. According to that link, they weren't allowed in the pits until 1971.

My point was that the Indy community opened the doors to women themselves and everyone loved it. They still do. The green suit guys seem to love the national stage when it comes to their big golf game. Well guess what? Their sexism is on that same stage.

It was their big 'ol tradition of inviting donor companies' CEOs to join. So a woman takes the helm at IBM and they say ... erm, sorry.

What a bunch of cheezdicks.

And no, this isn't the biggest news story of the day, it's just the one I chose to comment on.

Mike Lawless said...

Why doggie style is the rednecks' favorite position: they both can watch Nascar....

contraryguy said...

Kinda disappointed that you didn't go with Shirley Muldowney, who was rocking the top fuel drag strips years before Ms Guthrie stepped onto the Brickyard.

And, not to defend the tired old scrotums of Augusta, but it's The Masters, no apostrophe.

Cranky picky Monday, sorry.

Erin O'Brien said...

To be honest, CG, I grew up on an all-Indy diet, so I went with what I knew.

Anonymous said...

Now that a guy named Bubba has won the Master's, can we look forward to guys named "Jasper" or "Padraigh" racing at Daytona?


Kirk said...

Well, if that country club ever does let in women, you can be sure it will be RICH women. Rich men, rich women, rich blacks, rich Jews, rich gays, all in the same club, all enjoying the same luxuries. Elitism and equality for all.

Bill said...

@Erin, you said that you wish Ginnie would grow some balls. That's exactly why they won't let her in. No balls.

Al The Retired Army Guy said...

Ah, let's see, how many names were used to describe people of various stripes so far?

"fat old white guys"
"squirmy old fat guys"
"sniveling sexist exclusionary cheezdicks"
"old rich guy "
"tired old scrotums of Augusta"

None of which actually add to the narrative if you ask me.

And NASCAR and/or Indy? I just don't get it.

My next sport coat? It will most likely be green. Hey, it worked for Tiger Woods .... ;-) Well, sort of. His beautiful wife left him, and his game went to *hit. Strike that. I think I'll stick with a plain blue blazer ....


Anonymous said...

Who really cares? I am waiting for a female quarterback for the Colts. Well maybe the Browns. Could be they have already had one.

James Old Guy

twinkly sparkles said...

Erin, I don't care what you write--I love it all.

I love your use of the word "cheesedicks." I think it was my favorite thing about the post because I don't give fuckall about golf.

I love your tenacious spirit, your brilliant mind, your clear writing.

You are not a whiner, I love that too.

You paved the way. I know where I came from and who came before me.

You got a pair of brass ovaries something fierce baby. I love it.


Anonymous said...

Dayton has a Men's Club?

twinkly sparkles said...

UGH I can't even spell cheezdicks. I will try harder next time.

What about this--it's up to the PGA not to hold the Masters down there--is this the real issue?

Because they can have whomever they want in their rich boy swinging dick club, I think we all agree on that.


Al The Retired Army Guy said...

Say, is/are "cheesedicks" related to "Cheez Whiz?"


Anonymous said...


I'm drawing on long ago data here twinkly so don't sue me if I err but I think The Masters is independent of the PGA. It would be played whether they sanctioned it or not.

I think I understand E'O's point. No one is compelling them to admit women but they are in a position of influence vis a vis womens equality and chose not to act.


Erin O'Brien said...

Exactly RJ. It has to be an honest and organic transformation from within to have any credibility.

I can only imagine what was going through Rometty's mind as she sat there, behaving like a good girl. Talk about your glass ceilings--here she is, CEO of one of the three big donors making the event possible, but still excluded from the club's own tradition because of her chromosomes.

Was she smoldering inside? Who knows. Like the embedded link points out, she is first beholden to her shareholders.

philbilly said...

I have no opinion on anything related to golf. I think I understand why friends of mine are into it, but whatever, no interest.

I am, however, fascinated by the fact that Danica Patrick looks just as hot driving NASCAR as Indy.

On clubs, I would not belong to any one that would have me as a member, and I generally never do anything to limit the abundance of the Ladeez.

Bill said...

It is my understanding that Augusta National does not allow members who are in the 99%. Seems like a rich target for the occupy people.

alphadog said...

The allure has always alluded, almost as frivolous as boliche yet requiring considerably more effort and acreage.
I will admit though to having tuned into the Pebble Beach golf thing for a short while just to see some greenery in the middle of an Ohio winter.

alphadog said...

or maybe it's always eluded.

philbilly said...

We had a winter?

Al The Retired Army Guy said...

I play a very special version of golf. It's Chinese. And it's called "Whack*uck."

Me at the golf course, lining up a tee shot: "Whack!"

Me after seeing the ball go into the woods, never to be seen again: "*uck!"

Geez, I crack myself up sometimes.


philbilly said...

Al, I played golf once. I was so bad my partners finally exhorted me to"just f*cking pick it up and throw it, goddamit!" They were laughing so hard it affected their games.

I redeemed myself somewhat by buying multitudinous pitchers of beer back at the clubhouse. I have never been invited to golf again, and glad for it.

Golf to me is like, you're almost having a really nice hike in the woods, but there's this useless little white ball that has to be dragged along.

Contrary Guy said...

Indy's cool, Erin. The ladies have been making many sports classier for years... hell I'd rather watch the women's golf tour right now, some serious hotness on the links in recent years. You go girls.

I had more of a rant here, directed at Augusta and Tiger Woods in particular, since they're part of the same 'product' (translation: Disney/ESPN approved product), and after Tiger's fateful Turkey day, part of the same dubious standards of conduct, but I let it go. With any game that pisses one off, maybe better to just let it go. It's a game. just my two cents.

Anonymous said...


"Golf is a good walk, ruined."

Mark Twain

Anonymous said...

@ Contrary Guy-
I'm guessing the ladies in the infield at Indy are more entertaining than anything to be seen among attendees at The Masters...