Goat archives vol. four: Old Timer

A contingent of the Goat's associates refers to him as Old Timer.

Adult Goat, circa 1980

While I have never adopted the nickname, I do respect its inherent honesty and hereby offer the following list of Goat idiosyncrasies, each of which supports the designation of "Old Timer."

I'll start with my favorite:

1) When dispensing petro, the Goat will top-off the tank by rounding up the monetary total of the purchase to the next quarter (as in 25¢) despite the fact that the transaction is completely digital (we pay with a credit card) and wholly removed from the concept of change (as in the pocket variety). The practice harks back to the pre-self serve days when the Goat began his career with BP (then Sohio) as a filling station attendant in the year of our Lord 1972.

Baby Goat

2) The first telephone service the Goat can remember was on a party line.

3) When wearing slippers, the Goat moves in a way that is best described as a shuffle, which sounds exactly as one might imagine.

4) The Goat enjoys an occasional whiskey sour, but only before dinner and only at a restaurant (think: high ball).

5) Given the choice between a relatively new and sharp Ticonderoga number two pencil and a tiny eraserless dull nub, the Goat will invariably opt for the nub, which probably has something to do with bowling alleys of yore.

The Goat as a young man

6) The Goat reads the newspaper (hardcopy) Every. Single. Day.

7) As a kid, the Goat used to mow the lawn with a manual rotary mower. A MANUAL ROTARY MOWER, people!

For those wanting more, I recommend Goat archives volumes one through three, if only for the pictures.

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Goat and humble hostess enjoying adult beverages during courtship

In the interest of full disclosure, your humble hostess offers the following amendments:

1) I keep a jar of rendered bacon fat in the refrigerator at all times,

2) will use up leftover gravy (when there's no longer any leftover roast/chicken/meatloaf) by pouring it over toast for breakfast or lunch,

3) call lunch meat "lunch meat" and use said lunch meat primarily for lunch,

4) still pay all the bills with hard-copy checks.

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