Wednesday, June 27, 2012

Goat archives vol. four: Old Timer

A contingent of the Goat's associates refers to him as Old Timer.

Adult Goat, circa 1980
While I have never adopted the nickname, I do respect its inherent honesty and hereby offer the following list of Goat idiosyncrasies, each of which supports the designation of "Old Timer."

I'll start with my favorite:

1) When dispensing petro, the Goat will top-off the tank by rounding up the monetary total of the purchase to the next quarter (as in 25¢) despite the fact that the transaction is completely digital (we pay with a credit card) and wholly removed from the concept of change (as in the pocket variety). The practice harks back to the pre-self serve days when the Goat began his career with BP (then Sohio) as a filling station attendant in the year of our Lord 1972.

Baby Goat
2) The first telephone service the Goat can remember was on a party line.

3) When wearing slippers, the Goat moves in a way that is best described as a shuffle, which sounds exactly as one might imagine.

4) The Goat enjoys an occasional whiskey sour, but only before dinner and only at a restaurant (think: high ball).

5) Given the choice between a relatively new and sharp Ticonderoga number two pencil and a tiny eraserless dull nub, the Goat will invariably opt for the nub, which probably has something to do with bowling alleys of yore.

The Goat as a young man
6) The Goat reads the newspaper (hardcopy) Every. Single. Day.

7) As a kid, the Goat used to mow the lawn with a manual rotary mower. A MANUAL ROTARY MOWER, people!

For those wanting more, I recommend Goat archives volumes one through three, if only for the pictures.

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Goat and humble hostess enjoying adult beverages during courtship
In the interest of full disclosure, your humble hostess offers the following amendments:

1) I keep a jar of rendered bacon fat in the refrigerator at all times,

2) will use up leftover gravy (when there's no longer any leftover roast/chicken/meatloaf) by pouring it over toast for breakfast or lunch,

3) call lunch meat "lunch meat" and use said lunch meat primarily for lunch,

4) still pay all the bills with hard-copy checks.

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Anonymous said...

JEEEZus, Mary and Joseph...

That's also ME circa 1980...

I will now revert into a vegetative state...


Cleveland Bob said...

'tis a fortunate goat indeed to have such an affable and humble hostess at his cloven hoofed side.

You two are the tops.

Anonymous said...

Is there such a thing as unrendered bacon fat?

Morning Old Timer.


Old Timer.


Anonymous said...


I guess if you guys relocated to Puerto Rico you'd be La Chupacabra?

I'll stay anonymous until you have a chance to either stop laughing or stop plotting my demise...

Senor X

VideoDude said...

MANUAL ROTARY MOWER! I bow to the superior physcal ability of the goat. Even if it was in his early days. Two great people!!!

Bill said...

A young man with old timer ways, a happy wife, a beautiful family. Life doesn't get any better than that.

Tracy MacNish said...


Contrary Guy said...

I think every guy looked like that around 1980. I know I did. Catching up to to the O'B blog after vaca, lotta good stuff this week, but I'm not sure any pic will top that 80's party pic of the O'B and Goat. Hilarious.