Saturday, January 12, 2013

Al's sausage

Dear friends,

Frequent Owner's Manual visitor Al the Retired Army Guy has delivered unto me this photo of his sausage, shaped no less into my own initials, EOB.

Here in Cleveland, we have a lot of sausages and believe me, I've got my share of sausage experience and then some. I know a righteous sausage when I see one and Al's sausage is top notch.

Al the Retired Army Guy
Look at the way the flesh fills the casing--it's stuffed to the perfect consistency. Al's sausage also has a lovely sheen and a respectable girth, which matters more than people think. That there is one long tube of quality. It may be the most beautiful sausage I've ever seen.

I picture Al's sausage framed by glistening threads of sauerkraut or nestled in a cozy bun with a thick bead of Stadium Mustard dressing its glorious length.

Imagine picking up Al's sausage and wrapping your lips around it. Imagine rolling Al's sausage around in your mouth!


Any woman would surely admire such a sausage. I daresay plenty of men would envy this hefty coil. It is a fine sausage of which Al should be proud. To that end, Al should display his gorgeous sausage for all the world to enjoy.

Thank you readers. Thank you Lord. Most of all, thank you Al, for allowing me to be part of your sausage's debut.



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dean said...

I have to go now.

Jon Moore said...

That's a sausage to be proud of Al. That you were able to bend it into our hostess' initials shows truly remarkable sausage dexterity. What a clever way to get a lady's attention.

Mrs. C said...

Mmmm. That is a fine, *fine* specimen. It quite perfectly meets my expectation.

Erin O'Brien said...

It's not every man who writes with his sausage.

Michael Lawless said...

This was better than Viagra....

Verdant Earl said...

Now he just needs to send you his balls. Meatballs, of course.

Unknown said...

almost wanna eat it raw

Judy said...

My mouth is forming a most watery 'O' in preparation...Thank you...

Anonymous said...

I was a bit confused when I saw the photograph of Al's charcuterie skills. That strip of orange made me wonder why the sausage was being displayed on a Little Ceasar's box.

Al, your kitchen shot made me wonder about commercial kitchen nomenclature. Say you were back there in the kitchen expediting things on a busy night, and your sous chef, saucier, and broil chef all called off one night, so you were forced to supervise every aspect of back-of-the-house operations alone. Would that situation be called 'one toque over the line'?

Sorry. I know, I know, and I'm sorry but I couldn't resist that line. Regulations on puns should be enforced a little more strictly.

Erin, point well taken on that fine job of filling the casings all the way. I would think that everyone here will agree that there
is nothing more aggravating or useless than a wrinkly weenie. The ladies especially.


Anonymous said...

Hey Erin! In case you haven't heard, there is a 'Sin City' sequel in production.

Al The Retired Army Guy said...


One toque over the line indeed ... ;-)

BTW, the orange strip is a silpat silicone mat for those who don't know - great for a bunch of stuff, from making cracklins' to baked goods to tuiles to parmesan crisps.


Anonymous said...

@Al-That pun came to me years ago. This was the first opportunity to use it with somebody who would also understand it.

Mrs. C said...

Oh! Crackilins'!

I. LOVE. Cracklins'.

And I just need to say: nobody has shot anybody all up in this here post; see?, sausages CAN remove the angst that too often precedes the sniping to which we, as a culture, have become far too accustomed.

Big, shapely sausages for EVERYONE! Huzzah!

Erin O'Brien said...

Dear anyone who cares: is it just me, or does a Silpat get a strange oiliness over time? No matter how thoroughly I wash my Silpat in soapy water, it's still oily in an hour or so.

Why, Al's sausage must be so slippery from being on that Silpat, I'll bet it's hard to get a good hold of.


Anonymous said...


Nice hat too.


philbilly said...

"No matter how thoroughly I wash my Silpat in soapy water, it's still oily in an hour or so."

I have no earthly idea as to what this statement means, but I like the cut of its jib.

Al The Retired Army Guy said...

Silpats are indeed tough to wash. I normally just lay mine flat in the sink, or, in a professional kitchen, against the side of a three hole sink and use lots of soap and hot water Usually does the trick.


Mrs. C said...

Is there any product type that one is not SUPPOSED to use on a silpat? Degreaser-type products? 'Cuz while I love the concept, it was the stickies/greasies experience i had with my first and only ownership of a silpat baking sheet that made me back away and return to traditional tools.