Tuesday, July 03, 2012

Your guide to not enjoying the July fourth holiday


For starters, whatever you do, DO NOT take photos of the fireworks.


No corndogs, lemonade, elephant ears, caramel corn or Italian sausage sandwiches. And absolutely no funnel cakes or gyros or hot dogs. And especially no pulled pork sandwiches from those shady Chamber of Commerce guys.

NO SNO-CONES.


Skeeball? Off limits. Whac-a-Mole. Keep moving. No Bottle Ring Toss for you.


Steer clear of the Scrambler and the Tilt-A-Whirl and the Sky Fighter. No, you can't wiggle down the Crazy Slide, laugh in the Fun House or fly in Haley's Comet.


By no means should you sit around with your buddies and upend an ice cold can of PBR while all those leggy girls go by in their halters and cut-offs.


Now please do not yell at the kids for stealing an extra ice cream sandwich and eating it as they trace crazy designs against the sky with their dollar store sparklers.

And to reiterate: don't take photos of the fireworks. Don't worry about trying to capture the perfect explosions and cascades of color and light on film while you lay on your back on a soft blanket with the scent of grilled burgers and grass all around, the camera idle by your side.

Whatever you do, don't let it slip away. And don't you dare lament those tears when you realize it will slip away no matter how tightly you clutch it.

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14 comments:

Joe said...

Alas, no fireworks here in South Central Hoosierland this year. No public boom-boom, no private shows either. No sparklers, no Black Cats or bottle rockets. Roman candles will be safely tucked away until the entire county becomes something besides a collection of tinder waiting a spark to set the whole place abalze.

Less than .01 inches of rain in June makes for a pretty subdued Fourth of July.

Joe said...

ablaze. Not abalze. I really should take a typing class.

Erin O'Brien said...

Make up for the AWOL fireworks with a wee bit more ice cold PBR and another go around the Ferris Wheel, Hoose.

Anonymous said...

Please, DO play those carnival games...the company I work for makes the prizes...

MR

Contrary Guy said...

Must admit, your non-4th sounds a lot more fun than my non-4th at friend's place. But the view of the local fireworks display is about 30 feet from the beer fridge, so it's a no-brainer.

DogsDontPurr said...

Love this post! I can feel the energy buzzing with summer!!

alphadog said...

For reasons known only to a select few, no matter what I do tomorrow it will be a glorious Fourth.
Happy Independence Day everybody.

Bill said...

And, for whatever those reasons are, Alph, I'm happy for you and glad you will have a glorious Fourth of July. It's a great day to be happy.

DogsDontPurr said...

Erf...looks like it's going to be foggy here tomorrow night. The perils of living too close to the beach. But still, feeling the thunk of the BOOM!...oh yeah.

And some of my favorite fireworks photos are the blurry ones. And the totally missed ones where all you see is the smokey aftermath.

Erin O'Brien said...

Enjoy the day, gang!

Anonymous said...

Have a great day everybody! And pay homage to the noble pig. (As opposed to the ignoble swine, yours truly.)

RJ

Erin O'Brien said...

Great sentiment from my friend Gretchen. She posted this on Facebook:

THIS IS NOT A POLITICAL COMMENT. But I hope y'all spend at least a couple minutes today, thinking about Thomas Jefferson and the rest of his posse. Dudes made something AWESOME, and it's called the Constitution. God bless the Founding Fathers.

Bill said...

Hi Gretchen. I did and you're right!

Hope said...

We had our fireworks here in little Brighton...and I totally cried...missing time. Loved this blog.