Sunday, June 10, 2012

From the inside out

There are exactly two sorts of people in the world:

1) Those who are on the Great Sex square.

2) Those who want to get to the Great Sex square.

So how do you get into group one?

You can only get so shaved, augmented, naked and spread eagle. You can slather yourself with sensitizers for her, de-sensitizers for him, and a host of slick lubricants. You can barrel over Viagra Falls, procure oodles of obscene toys, and dive into the never-ending online porn parade. But none of those things--or even any combination of them--will get you into the Great Sex club.

Sure, you can have plenty of successful sex, full up with loud orgasms,  uncontrolled vocalizations and dilated pupils, but to reach that elusive je ne sais pas, you have to incorporate components as intangible as your goal.

Sex is about emotion. It's powerful. Squander your sexuality and you'll not only get further and further from great sex, you'll damage your soul (really). The only way to achieve tremendous sex is to start with tremendous desire.

Despite the cringe-worthy title, I can't recommend this essay highly enough. From the article: 

As a society, we've tried to simplify things by separating physical pleasure from emotional attachment. At the same time, we've started to confuse sexiness with physical perfection. While we're running off to our plastic surgeons for Boot injections and beast implants, we've forgotten that what's really sexy can't be bottled. It's an inner spark that's as distinctive as your personality. Being hot is a state of mind, and it's subjective. It takes two to generate heat. Desire demands emotion.

In fact, the alchemy of attraction is so personal and inexplicable, no one fully understands it.

And may we never fully understand it, although I'm not really worried. Because despite every available screen and magazine cover bombarding us with SEX SEX SEX; sexy remains as elusive as ever.

Now hush up--don't you dare say the L word--just blow me a kiss and I'll give you a wink.


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Elisson said...

I had a beast implant. Didn't help... it was beastly.

The Fool said...

Good seed for thought, Smiley. I would add this thought...I believe great sex is about dissolving the imagined, yet concretized boundaries of self and ego and becoming, even fleetingly, part of a greater whole with another. Most of the prescriptions out there fail because they only foster ego, and solidify the boundaries of self.

Ms Amanda said...

Amen, my sister, amen!

Mike Lawless said...

I'm overworked and underpaid, oversexed and underlaid.

Kirk said...

That's Elvis Presley on the stairwell. It's from a series of pictures photographer Alfred Wertheimer took of the singer in the late 1950s.

Here's an even more famous, and more provocative, photo Wertheimer took just seconds later:

Bill said...

Fantasy and friction.

Anonymous said...

Two approaches I have found helpful in my dotage:

a)stop imagining sex with my 25-year old body and...

b)toys, lotions and nonsuch don't hurt every now and then either...


Anonymous said...

"...don't it make you want to twist and shout when you're inside out..."

Traveling Wilburys.


John Venlet said...

I always kind of chuckle when I read confessionals such as Miss Dierbock's, and recall my parents admonitions to keep my pecker in my pants.

Though my folk's admonition was typically offered as sound advice in order that an unwanted pregnancy would not result, the more indepth reason for their advice was as you articulated.

Sex is about emotion. It's powerful. Squander your sexuality and you'll not only get further and further from great sex, you'll damage your soul (really).

That's not to say my folk's advice was not also offered to instill a respect for sex only in marriage, conservative Protestant's that they are.

But the reason for my chuckle, is, Miss Dierbock could not figure this out until she was almost 40 years old, which leads me to think her ability to grasps rather simple concepts is somewhat stunted, her apologetics not-with-standing.

Anonymous said...

"Fantasy and Friction".

That phrase sounded familiar, so I googleyed it. It's a chain of luxurious yet affordable movie theaters. It must be luxurious, because each screen was private, but it must be affordable, because movies are only a quarter each, 24 hours a day! What service!

Their motto is, "You bring the Friction, we'll provide the Fantasy, in 100-second increments!"

They're hiring. I wonder what a "Clorox Clerk" does?


Jack Cluth said...

It seems as if we spend our time searching for the ideal that marketers, advertisers, and programmers have convinced up is the ideal. Instead of enjoying what's in front of us in all its glory and imperfection, we're fixated on perfect.

I think you're on to something here. ;-)

Erin O'Brien said...

To hell with marketing. I like big hairy guys with beer.

Anonymous said...

Should read: "big hairy guys AND beer"?


Anonymous said...

"To hell with marketing. I like big hairy guys with beer."-E'O.

Should read: "big hairy guys AND beer"?-MR

At least she didn't say she liked big hairy guys with bacon syrup.