Thursday, February 23, 2012

The Woman Who Stares at Goat

No, this has nothing to do with the film, but here's a clip anyway.



Yes, I've been staring at the Goat--but not in order to kill him (like in the movie). My undivided attention has been by way of the nursing arts. (World, meet Nurse Erin.) As we all know, life happens, and it did indeed happen to the Goat last week. Perhaps foreshadowed by this event, the Goat broke his ankle (as in reeeeeally broke), hence my scarcity online.

Here are some round-up notes, in no particular order:

--The Mini Cooper has served as Medical Transport One throughout this trauma.

--Never, ever ask me to operate your wheelchair, lest you find yourself in a Monte Python skit gone terribly wrong wherein the hapless patient is subjected to near ejection courtesy of potholes (Who needs that pedestrian bridge? We'll just cross the street. Stop fussing, traffic will stop. You're in a wheelchair for pity's sake!), improper employ of wheelchair brakes during loading and unloading, and the sheer terror of being hurriedly pushed into an elevator injured foot first.

--If I insist on pushing your wheelchair (Don't be silly. Just sit back and relax.), call the police.

--If you ever find yourself at Cleveland's MetroHealth campus at lunch time, amble over to Maha's Cafe for a falafel sandwich. It's spicy, crispy sublime pleasure wrapped in a chewy, stretchy pita.

--The fashion sense of people in a surgical waiting room leaves a great deal to be desired.

--The difficulty I encountered unwrapping my KitKat bar had nothing to do with operator error and was instead due to the exceedingly warm temperature of the room in which the vending machine that housed the KitKat was located, which ever-so-slightly melted the exterior chocolate of the KitKat, increasing its coefficient of friction.

--In a pinch, you can use a latex glove (from one of those dispenser boxes) to protect a pair of eyeglasses from the other items in your purse while your Goat undergoes a procedure during which eyeglass wear is prohibited.

--While utterly impossible to resist, I'm not sure eavesdropping on persons in the ER, assorted waiting rooms, corridors and coffee spots is a wholesome activity. ("He told me he loves me and wants me and all of that." "Just between me and you, when George died, he owed me money." "I'm gonna want that cigarette when I get back.")

--For myriad reasons that I will not list here, the Goat is one seriously tough hombre.

Although the Goat won't be "freeing his feet" like Clooney & Co. in today's clip for at least few weeks, I am happy to report the he has emerged from a successful surgery and is convalescing as comfortably as can be expected. As for me, I'm staring and doting and hovering, and thanking the stars above that my Goat will soon be his regular whole Goat self again soon.

*  *  *

26 comments:

alphadog said...

A speedy and full recovery Goat.
Do not run afoul of Nurse Ratched.

Erin O'Brien said...

Dunno, Alph. That hair just ain't working for me.

alphadog said...

I find it rather provocative myself.

And what the hell is up with the WV?
toeci densepai fer chrissake

Tony Rugare said...

Best wishes for a speedy recovery for The Goat.

dean said...

Entire family of cochrane wishes speedy recovery to ankle of Goat.

I was forced to overhear many interesting conversations during my recent stay in emerg.

Mrs. C said...

AIEEEE! Too reminiscent of my last foray into the medical frontier with an injured SO--mine's a full-blood satyr. Thanks be to the gods for tough beasts, indeed. My best to yours and to you from up the lake.

Anonymous said...

Seems to me some important details are missing from this narrative. I'm concerned perhaps our hostess has channeled her inner Annie Wilkes and is holding her splendid king hostage. GOAT IF YOU CAN HEAR ME - DON"T MOVE THE CERAMIC PENGUIN!

RJ

Joe said...

get well soon, Mr. Goat

Ms Amanda said...

Best wishes for a speedy Goat recovery are winging your way!

John Venlet said...

...thanking the stars above that my Goat will soon be his regular whole Goat self again soon.

Goats are hardy creatures. Best to yours, Erin.

Anonymous said...

Speedy recovery Goat,and with Nurse Erin on the job I am sure you are in good hands.
James Old Guy

Cleveland Bob said...

Wow, first the toe incident and now this. The hoof of the Goat is having one effed up February. Is it the same foot?

March will get better I'm sure. I'll light a candle for both the patient and his nurse...

Kirk said...

Get well soon, Goat.

Watch Louise Fletcher (Nurse Ratched) in the 1981 movie Strange Behaviour sometime. Three years shy of 50, she's very attractive in it.

DogsDontPurr said...

Ow! Ow! Ow! As someone who has had 7 knee surgeries....I know "ow"!

Sending all good vibes your way. As I said in my email, sometimes I think the nurse has s harder job than the patient! Take care of yourself first, so you can be of calm mind to take care of the patient.

(((Big gentle hugs to both of you.)))

DogsDontPurr said...

Oh...and the wheelchair. WTF is up with you wheelchair pushers? It's not an Indy Car race!!! OMG! (LOL)

But as an aside story, when I was very young, shortly after learning to drive, I had to be in a wheelchair for 6 months (and no, it was not a car accident.) But I totally learned to parallel park a car by learning to maneuver the wheelchair around. It was odd, but something finally just clicked. I can actually parallel park, front in or back in, or beside 2 double parked cars, thanks to playing with a wheelchair for 6 months!

Anonymous said...

You think the ER has uncomfortable conversation opportunities try a smoking break at rehab...

Bill said...

Damn man! That sounds painful and uncomfortable. When you need some in home care and EOB is busy accepting honors or writing, I recommend this caregiver

rraine said...

i thought goat hooves were tough. i guess they're not indestructible after all.
here, this may help:
http://thefamilyhomestead.com/goathooftrim.html
or maybe not.
in any case, all healing to the goat!

Goat said...

Thanks for all your well wishes folks. Except for the inconvenience of crutches, I should have done this a long time ago. I get meals like a king, waited on hand and foot (no pun intended), do NOT have to take out the garbage, and even our daughter occasionally comes out of teenage mode to assist!

Goat

Erin O'Brien said...

Can you people believe that miserable Goat?

Anonymous said...

"smoking break at rehab"- Anonymous

Smoke Break at Rehab sounds like a great indy rock band or something.


RJ

P.S. Life is hard Goat. Then you die.

Anonymous said...

@RJ-"Smoke Break at Rehab" is all too true...

Now if you want to think of a few band names..."dot.com.postheap"...if this doesn't suit a band then we can use it for an electronics recycling facility...

"Ben Dover and the Night Screamers"-actually a guy who plays the Lake Erie islands goes by 'Ben Dover'...

"Sledge Hammer Mechanics"

"Greasin' Formula"...

Al The Retired Army Guy said...

It's all Bush's fault! ;-)

This being said, I hope the Goat's hoof heals soon, and that right away.

Al
TRAG

Anonymous said...

I wouldn't say it was ALL Bush's fault...

VideoDude said...

No, some blame has to be charged to Cheney. GET WELL SOON GOAT!

The Twisted Tine said...

Awwww.... poor Goat. I feel bad. Foot injuries of any sort are always a pain in the foot. He's a brave Goat.

Hospitals freak me out. Although, Steph is pretty used to them as she has had some epic incidents.