The Woman Who Stares at Goat

No, this has nothing to do with the film, but here's a clip anyway.



Yes, I've been staring at the Goat--but not in order to kill him (like in the movie). My undivided attention has been by way of the nursing arts. (World, meet Nurse Erin.) As we all know, life happens, and it did indeed happen to the Goat last week. Perhaps foreshadowed by this event, the Goat broke his ankle (as in reeeeeally broke), hence my scarcity online.

Here are some round-up notes, in no particular order:

--The Mini Cooper has served as Medical Transport One throughout this trauma.

--Never, ever ask me to operate your wheelchair, lest you find yourself in a Monte Python skit gone terribly wrong wherein the hapless patient is subjected to near ejection courtesy of potholes (Who needs that pedestrian bridge? We'll just cross the street. Stop fussing, traffic will stop. You're in a wheelchair for pity's sake!), improper employ of wheelchair brakes during loading and unloading, and the sheer terror of being hurriedly pushed into an elevator injured foot first.

--If I insist on pushing your wheelchair (Don't be silly. Just sit back and relax.), call the police.

--If you ever find yourself at Cleveland's MetroHealth campus at lunch time, amble over to Maha's Cafe for a falafel sandwich. It's spicy, crispy sublime pleasure wrapped in a chewy, stretchy pita.

--The fashion sense of people in a surgical waiting room leaves a great deal to be desired.

--The difficulty I encountered unwrapping my KitKat bar had nothing to do with operator error and was instead due to the exceedingly warm temperature of the room in which the vending machine that housed the KitKat was located, which ever-so-slightly melted the exterior chocolate of the KitKat, increasing its coefficient of friction.

--In a pinch, you can use a latex glove (from one of those dispenser boxes) to protect a pair of eyeglasses from the other items in your purse while your Goat undergoes a procedure during which eyeglass wear is prohibited.

--While utterly impossible to resist, I'm not sure eavesdropping on persons in the ER, assorted waiting rooms, corridors and coffee spots is a wholesome activity. ("He told me he loves me and wants me and all of that." "Just between me and you, when George died, he owed me money." "I'm gonna want that cigarette when I get back.")

--For myriad reasons that I will not list here, the Goat is one seriously tough hombre.

Although the Goat won't be "freeing his feet" like Clooney & Co. in today's clip for at least few weeks, I am happy to report the he has emerged from a successful surgery and is convalescing as comfortably as can be expected. As for me, I'm staring and doting and hovering, and thanking the stars above that my Goat will soon be his regular whole Goat self again soon.

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