Monday, April 11, 2011

Knitting the American dream

I'm taking up knitting.

I'm not talking sitting in the family room and knitting like you're-getting-ready-to-die knitting. I'm talking a free market venture. I'm talking small business.

Who in America doesn't like a chick opening a small business? Who doesn't want to see a new knitting shop open up in America? America is totally pro-knit.

Nothing too cutesy, just a cool little boutique with an outside-the-box retro vibe. Of course we'll have your knitting supplies: your yarns, your needles, your patterns.

We'll also sell your novelties: psychedelic gift items, water pipes, flavored rolling papers. Maybe even an adult backroom with naughty gag gifts and greeting cards with dirty pictures.

I'm calling it the Knit 'n Shit.

I like the idea of a pinball machine and an ice-cold-beer-to-go! cooler. I like a couple of candy racks too. And hey, a vendor comes in and wants to put up a fingernail polish display? I'm open to your fringe ideas.

There'll be a lounge area in the back where you can hang around knitting and talking to other knitters. There will always always always be incense burning at the Knit 'n Shit. And I will always always be there, wearing a snazzy scarf around my head or a macramé shawl or gogo boots.

All the knitters will think I am so cool.

Shitty coffee on the house? You bet. And not out of some gleaming professional coffee maker, but from a shitty old Mr. Coffee machine or something like that. With a container of off-brand powdered coffee creamer that's about a thousand years old.

I'm hoping to attract the sort of regulars in the lounge who bring in your occasional plate of homemade cookies. Maybe chocolate chip without chocolate chips, but with m&m's instead of chocolate chips: red, green and yellow happy bombs peeking out from the regular cookie part. You starting to get my gist here?

When I'm not helping customers at the cash register, I'll hang out in back diggin' on what my homies are knitting and saying stuff like you rock, you chickster you or dig that pattern or that's some smokin' textile.

We'll also have a place where regulars can showcase the stuff they made. You're a grandma who wants to put one of those multi-colored sweaters you knit on a hanger for the whole world to see? Come on down to the Knit 'n Shit.

Best get started. Now then, does anyone have a knitting pattern for a peekaboo bra and undie set?


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26 comments:

alphadog said...

Why, yes I do. Email me if you're interested.

Vince said...

Ha ha, there was a knit shop in Clonmel in the 80s that had a homebrew annex out the back. So you had that odd picture of biker blokes exiting this shop with displays of baby pink and blue woolen items where the eventual owner would easily fit in his helmet.

Go for it I say. But does it not have a Amish vibe.

Erin O'Brien said...

Thanks, alph, but didn't you say earlier that you were a size 44 A? Dunno if that'll work for me.

Vince: in my lexicon, an "Amish Vibe" is a marital aid with a funny beard and hat.

Bill said...

I'm kinda worried about the name. Knit 'n shit. I envision people coming in to take a crap and knit.

Tony Rugare said...

Will there be room for a guillotine?

Leslie Morgan said...

OMG, Home Girl, you're describing a shop I've actually visited in Leucadia, CA! However, for the coolest vibe, I'm packing a van to head for the Knit 'n Shit. It'll take me a few days to get there, during which time I will ponder what I might add to the ambiance. Maybe some homemade organic biscuits for the visiting dog models, Frito pie for potluck lunch? BTW, I'm fascinated by the knitters who use both hands with knitting needles, but tuck their developing work under one armpit (to keep its bulk out of the way?). Man, I want to look just that cool while I'm working on that size 44A for Alph.

Ms Amanda said...

"that's some smokin' textile."

Love it!

Once Known as The Badger said...

You're smoking what? Textiles? Made from hemp, I presume?

Erin O'Brien said...

Tony: Madame DeFarge has already contacted me re: Bill.

Leslie: They do stuff it up under their arm like that, don't they? That must be the advanced class.

Ms. & Badge: Don't bogart that hemp, dude.

Bill said...

Erin: Please. No revenge. But, if you're serious about this, I wish you success and profits and enjoyment. I hope you were/are able to find a good space with cheap rent.

alphadog said...

My hat is off to you Erin as you venture forth into the world of free market capitalism. It will be actions such as these, not stimulus bucks, that will save our economy and consequently our country.

Leslie, something in cashmere or perhaps angora if you would please.

twinklysparkles said...

I hate knitting, but I am not opposed to other people doing it. I could bring a small footstool and massage the knitters' feet. But being in Western MA, you may need to make yours a mobile business. Get an Airstream and take it on the road. I'll be here.

Check out videos of Olek on youtube, too. She's a crocheter, but still relevant, methinks.

twinkly

Cleveland Bob said...

Erin,

There are some friends of mine who meet weekly at A.J. Rocco's Bar in the Caxton Bldg on Huron every Monday evening who knit. They're called Chicks With Sticks and they may have some interesting focus group type data for you relative to this endeavor. Ask for Lisa Rubin...

Good Luck!

Bill said...

How about Knitwits? Still not feeling Knit 'n Shit.

jo said...

snazzy scarf OR macrame shawl OR go go boots?
just what is wrong with the complete outfit?

DogsDontPurr said...

Your store won't be complete without some hand knitted naughty bits. Check this out:
http://tinyurl.com/3do94zr

It's hilarious and sort of scary at the same time. I'm sure you'll love it!

Dudesworthy said...

Don't let them pull the wool over your eyes: Smoke Tweed

Anonymous said...

This thread just gets curiouser and curiouser.

No problem with knit n shit but it occurs to me a sister establishment could be called twitter knitters.

RJ

Leslie Morgan said...

@ Alph ~ At your service, Sir. That's how we do business here at the Knit 'n Shit. Perhaps I could make one in cashmere, one in angora and you can choose which you prefer. I'm sure the one you don't select will be an easy item to sell.

Erin O'Brien said...

I cannot wait for alph to model Leslie's efforts.

Twink: No worries, everyone is welcome at the Knit 'n Shit. You can just hang out and eat some m&m cookies, athought I'm sure you'll have takers on the foot massage offer.

CLE Bob: Thanks for the tip. Sounds like kindred spirits who've no doubt done a lot of footwork already.

Bill: Knitwits?

Jo: Of course you're right. Could probably stand to squeeze some tie-dye and patchouli in there as well.

DDP: That is brilliant and oddly arousing. I love the "demonstration."

Dude: Tweed, man. Tweed.

RJ: Curious is what we do here at the Owner's Manual.

Vince said...

how is that a marital aid. Unless of course there is a Pushmi-pullyu aspect to it.

twinklysparkles said...

Checking in here again, looking over the comments. I found the knitted naughty bits to be disturbing. I'm used to seeing disembodied, though fake, penises (shouldn't the plural be "penisii?) but not entire disembodied female pelvises. Gave me the willies (I do love a good pun). It was, however, so British, and that I enjoyed. Who thinks the Brits are uptight? No way.

By the way, Erin, can I get automatic updates to your comment threads? I feel like I should know this and know how, but I am so in the Dark Ages with the technology still. Learning....

Erin O'Brien said...

Twink: if you go to the bottom of the single post's page:

http://erin-obrien.blogspot.com/2011/04/knitting-american-dream.html

There's a "Subscribe to Post Comments" which would be a pain in the ass to do for each post. I'll keep poking around for a better option.

Liane said...

This is freakin funny....the post and the comments. Glad I happened to stumble by...

Several years ago a friend talked about opening a place called the "Pierce & Pepper" - ya know, where you can get piercings and eat hot peppers...

Erin O'Brien said...

Welcome and thanks for stopping in Liane. Now I'll have a nose ring and a jalapeno to go please, please.

Contrary Guy said...

Nice headband. Are you sure you're not related to Grace Slick? lol