Tuesday, August 31, 2010

Ask Erin

Dear Erin,

All I want from my girlfriend is to look at her after we DO IT. I mean REALLY look at her. But every time I try to sneak a peek, she rolls over and crosses her legs. Am I being weird?

--Boy who Wonders

* * *
Dear Boy Wonder,

No you are not being weird. Men can't get enough of that thing. I don't know why, but there it is. So you're 100 percent normal, but to get to the (ahem) bottom of your situation, we need to take a a couple of steps back.

So, Boy Wonder, are you or are you not delivering a splendorous orgasm unto Batgirl during the proceedings?

Methinks not.

Because if you were, Batgirl would be so full of glorious human sexual fulfillment, the aftermath would have her breathless on her back, not caring one toot if you were examining the secrets of the ol' batcave with a Klieg light. She'd probably even be giggling with that joyous intoxicated satisfaction only a true-life climax can produce. Hell, given enough big O's, she might even leave her cape and mask on, or show you a few inverted yoga poses (keep plenty of towels on hand in the case of that eventuality).

Instructing you on the ins and outs of how to properly maneuver your Batmobile in order to deliver the big O is a bigger tutorial than I can fit into this here blog post, but you might start by studying up in your spare time. Look at some diagrams and get making with the internet. Maybe upgrade to a nice bottle of vino instead of a six of Natty Light on your next date. If she loosens up enough, you might even talk Batgirl into giving you a live tour of her batcave during the opening acts of the evening, if you know what I mean.

Good luck.

*  *  *

Have a question about sex, housewifery, politics, culture or goat husbandry? Why not ask Erin?

*  *  *


Bill said...

great advice from "her" point of view. However, since wonder boy isn't doing a very good job of satisfying the object of his lust anyway, he might as well spend less time at the bat cave and concentrate his efforts on the classic bj. Then he could see the results of his efforts easily. She's still not happy but he is.

dean said...

Personally, I like to spend a good few minutes hollering into the Batcave early in the evening's proceedings. I find that this clears the way for the Batmobile rather nicely.

It also means that I have no pressing need to get up close and personal with the Cave after the climax of the proceedings.

alphadog said...

I'm not going to give up any secrets, but when her lips whisper the words 'Thank you', you know you've arrived.
On the other hand, judging by the simpering, whining tone of your letter to Erin, I doubt that a cowering pisswilly such as yourself will ever satisfy a passionate woman... you should probably consider other options. BTW, how do you tend to vote?

Erin O'Brien said...

Christ awmighty. Try to write a fun sexy post and leave it to a couple of righties to drain it dry.

Bill: bleh.

Alph: Any woman who says, "Thank you," during sex may also ask you if you'd like a receipt. Be careful.

Dean: Kudos on intent, but you might try a nice ***purr*** instead of a holler.

Bill said...

lol. drain it dry! i'm in love.

Once Known as The Badger said...

All this and comments too, and it's barely six a.m.! Morning coffee will never be the same. Thank you, Bat Girl.

Erin O'Brien said...

I always wanted to be Batgirl, Badge. Much more so than Catwoman.

Batgirl had that cool motorbike and those boots. I wonder if she ever did the Boy Wonder (I could never picture her with Batman).


alphadog said...

'...may also ask you if you'd like a receipt. Be careful.'
Heh, heh. I had a neighbor friend in Memphis who was a working girl. She once advised me that being married, I was paying full time rent for part time occupancy.

Anonymous said...

"Men can't get enough of that thing. I don't know why...."

Alfred says it's really quite simple. While adolescent boy's whack their peepee's fantasizing about the Batcave they are told if they don't stop they will go blind. The persistent gaze upon realizing the dream reflects the enduring fear that it might vanish into darkness at any moment.


philbilly said...

A good tongue lashing may be in order.

This morning at traffic court, (up yours, cle hts.), a smokin hot woman in a smokin hot super tight black skirt gave me the Big Friendly Smile as I left the kangaroo room. She has been in my brain relentlessly since then, and not surprisingly, my welds were more sensual than usual today.
Oh sure, the penetration was excellent like always, but there was a certain amorphous symmetry to the beads, like that of a black cat crouched on a window sill, coiled in tension.

Erin O'Brien said...

Phil and RJ: Welcome real men.

Vince said...

You are probably correct. But in my potholing/spelunking career I've encountered the odd batgirl that had her issues with landscaping, rather forest management, to the point where Berkeley's dialogues were explained. So she might be a tad shy.

Norm said...

BATCAVE?!? You come up with the best euphemisms.

By coincidence, the captcha for this post is 'ruckin' and I don't think in this case it's a reference to rugby.

Kirk Jusko said...

I beleve Yvonne Craig played Batgirl. She once did a movie with Elvis, but I can't remember which one.

Bill said...

I'd like to hear from wonder boy's girlfriend.

Anonymous said...

I hate when people want to talk politics when Erin wants to talk sex. Get a life people, politics will always suck , sex is great.

James Old Guy

Erin O'Brien said...

Good lord this is a strange comment thread. I mean STRANGE.

Bill said...

You're right old guy. politics sucks. I love me a good lewinsky!

Amy L. Hanna said...

gerop sez: The thread is only so strange as the string from whence it was wove.

What James Old Guy said, which, I believe, could be alternately interepreted as a polite means to go fuck oneself.