Thursday, February 19, 2009

A shocking admission

What irritates me most about Boehner (I pronounce it "boner") is not that he's from Ohio (although I'm way irritated by that), or that moronic look on his face, or his circle-the-wagons conservative attitude (but that is, admittedly, a biggie), but his year-round tan. How much you want to bet he's got a tanning bed at home?

Kiss my ass, Boehner. You with your big baby-blue golf pants and candy ass fake tan.


VideoDude said...

Don't sugar coat it Erin. What do you really think? LOL!!!

Zen Wizard said...

He is seen here golfing at his favorite course. In Bonaire.

Erin O'Brien said...

With his favorite balls: TopBoners.

Anonymous said...

I've never heard of this fellow but one look at that picture tells me that he is indeed an arse clown.

Kirk Jusko said...

Did you see Dan Ackroyd imitate him on Saturday Night Live recently? Hilarious.

George Hamilton said...

I'm jealous!

Erin O'Brien said...

Tim, the bad news is that he is the most powerful Republican the conservatives have these days. The good news is that he is the most powerful Republican the conservatives have these days.

I did see the clip, Kirk. Here it is for those who didn't.

By George! You do care!

Erin O'Brien said...

I just looked at that picture again. Look at his candy-ass shoes!

What a candy-ass!

Anonymous said...

Well 64% of your Ohio buddies voted him in, deal with it. Just a minor sidebar, I had to google him to figure out who you were lusting after.

James Old Guy

Amy L. Hanna said...

I like calling him "Bonehead", given his rather vain bellicosity on the Senate floor everytime he's broadcast.

Erin O'Brien said...

James, that's only in one congressional district down by Cincy and Dayton. Remember? Ohio's a BLUE state now. Maybe I can get Jim Winter to comment on Bonehead, but I am surprised you didn't recognize him.

Amy, as you can tell from my response to James, I like "bonehead."

Zen Wizard said...

His name is pronounced, "Baynor."

Which begs the question: Why not spend $100 and change the spelling to Baynor?

I called my congressman, Rep. Anthony Weiner, and he said he did not know.

Anonymous said...

Ah, yes! John "I've got a" Boehner, respresentative for West Chester (north of Cincy) and points north.

Actually, he's John Scalzi's Congressman, and John, much as he dislikes the little whiner, enjoys the fact that the House Minority Leader is his rep because John, like all voters, loves the sweet, sweet taste of pork when it rains down upon his environs.

I like Boehner because he lives only half an hour away, close enough to egg his house.

Unfortunately, my Congresswoman is a vapid harpie named Jean Schmidt who called a decorated ex-Marine a coward on the House floor. She gets in because neither party can get anyone to represent our district. So we don' get no pork. We get Ford plant closures and laid off deputies.

Erin O'Brien said...

Hey Zen, I know it's pronounced Baynor, but I don't think it's really pronounced Baynor, I think Boehner didn't want anyone calling him Boner (which is clearly the obvious pronunciation) so he just kept saying "It's BAYnor" until everyone conceded to the silly candy-ass.

Hi Jim. Let me know when you take up a collection for eggs. I'll send a check. Make sure you try and get his tanning bed.

Anonymous said...

I don’t have much use for career politicians no matter which party. Personally I think the cure to most of our problems is term limits. No one should be able to retire from being a congressman or senator for twenty years.

James Old Guy

Velociman said...

I beleive it is pronounced 'boner'. So what? I'm jealous, too. Makes me wish my name was Biggy Koch. Well, actually, that is my street name.
And what's wrong with Ohio? Other than being a Yankee state? And what's wrong with having the courage of your political convictions? Conservatives don't hate liberals for their views, they simply disagree with them.

Golf is a great game, especially on those non-existent whites only courses.

What's wrong with fake tans? I, for one, would never drop a dime on a lap dancer who wasn't sporting one. Also, that's not a fake tan. It's a real tan by man-made means. QT is a fake tan, AKA a skin paint.

If you're really nice, Erin, I can probably get Big John to give you a lap dance.

There. Now your post is complete.

Erin O'Brien said...

Welcome call me sugartits! It's Mr. Crawford! Do set yourself down and listen on with me as the USS Republican goes down with a gurgle gurgle gurgle.

Harry Finch said...

I wonder how good a five-wood he plays.

Erin O'Brien said...

Excuse the poor syntax of my previous comment. It was supposed to say, "Well call me sugartits!" There was a water-main break between when I started it and when I posted it.

James, all the more reason to put your support someone like Obama versus someone like McCain.

Finch, thank Christ you're finally here. Look what I've had to handle all by myself over here. I hope you brought whiskey.

Erin O'Brien said...

Boehner the Bonehead doesn't know shit about shitty beer. He's a candy-ass.

Kirk Jusko said...

Pale strippers give just as good a lap dance as those with tans.

So I've been told.

Velociman said...

Who cares about Republicans? They're just the cannon fodder conservatives use to disupt the great socialist experiments of the liberals. And they're about as shitty at the job as the Irish were when pressed into service by the Crown.

Who cares where the wormholed ship GOP goes? I'm just looking forward to watching the Nubie crash and burn at everything he endeavors. At this rate Ron Paul could get elected in '12.

Al The Retired Army Guy said...

My guess is that Erin doesn't like him because he is ... a Republican. I could be wrong though. Erin, care to elaborate?


Erin O'Brien said...

Kim: gurgle

Al: Look at his pants.

Anonymous said...

Where is the so-called shocking admission bimbo?

Erin O'Brien said...

Hello anonymous and thanks for dropping in.

What is shocking to me is that, of all the reasons to be irritated by Boehner, the one that chaps my ass most furiously is his fake tan.

I should be more irritated by his blockhead policy credo, but there you go.

Have a happy Obama day!

The Coroner said...

Looks to me like he's wearing David Vitter's diapers under those pants. And like h'es got a pantload.

Anonymous said...


I totally understand your disgust with the man, though I do not share that with you (not that I am a Boehner supporter - I'm not). However, until the national dialog can rise above the puerile, snarky comments exhibited here, we will never be able to craft viable solutions to the many ills of our country, our economy, and our society.

Comments which are designed to create and foster adversarial partisanship are drivel at best and hate-mongering at worst. They serve absolutely no constructive purpose.

We are truly at a crossroad as a nation and we need intelligent people to step up to the plate to offer an intelligent debate of these most serious of issues that we face. To do less is tantamount to intellectual masturbation.

Save your childish banter for the locker room -- or better still, rise above it.

Erin O'Brien said...

Thanks for your comments, anonymous.

I've reread this comment thread and I agree that we're not having high-brow political discussion here. But I also believe the participants realize that this is a parody of sorts at Boehner's expense and by no means a serious discourse on the man's politics. It is a bit more mean-spirited than an SNL skit, funnier than some of them and not as funny as others. Part of American political theater plays out at the expense of the politicians and I don't think we've dealt out anything here that Boehner can't handle.

And to be fair, this is surely not as critical as so much of what's out there. This for example.

Hence, I do not apologize for this post or retract it. And I still sign my name to it.

I do not know if you're familiar with my blog. It is a diverse cornucopia of Erin. There is politics. Some of it is serious, some (like this) is not. There is humor and minutia and ... and ... well, you can cruise my pages for yourself if you're interested in learning more.

You never know what you're going to get when you visit here, which is my boon and my bane. But thanks for stopping just the same. You and your comments are welcome here anytime.

RCA said...


To be fair I should note that this was my first visit to your blog. Now that I have looked around, I am all the more disappointed. Not because I do not find intelligence and insight in some of your posts - because I do find plenty of that. But rather because you are wasting your talent and your influence on a post such as this one.

You and Velociworld (whom you cite) are damned gifted writers who could help turn the national dialog toward gracious gemstones and away from ghetto gimcrack if you so choose. Why stoop to childish putdowns and clever repartee?

Think back to some of the most inspirational experiences you have ever had. Do names like Walt Whitman, Randy Pausch, Joseph Campbell, John Steinbeck, Toni Morrison, Beryl Markham, Richard Feynman, Carl Sagan, Rhonda Britten, or Harper Lee come to mind? When has a snarky diatribe ever left you feeling uplifted?

We all have a moral imperative to create value in this world. The engineer creates value by turning raw materials and human labor into bridges and skyscrapers. The medical doctor creates value by healing the sick and injured. The writer creates value by inspiring and motivating the reader to a higher nature.

Like it or not, you have a global stage. Don't waste it by pandering to cheap shots, gossip and verbal calisthenics. Aim for a higher target. Elevate.

This is not to say that I don't advocate pointing out when the emporer has no clothes, or calling a self-righteous spade a spade, or decrying the insipid antics of a bona-fide boob. But often this can be best done in a most genteel and gracious manner without resorting to epithets, insults, or snark.

Don't just do what you can... do what you ought!

--RCA (formerly anonymous)

Nipper said...

His master's voice!

Ken Houghton said...

Which Anonymous was Frank Rich:

"the perennially tan House leader John Boehner"

Looks as if you have a fan at the NYT.