Monday, January 26, 2009

Lake Huron is candy ass

"Lake effect" snow occurs when cold-ass air blows over a warm-ass lake, picks up a bunch of that water, turns it into snow and then dumps it on the nearest landfall. In northeast Ohio, we get hella snow on account of it.

When the lake freezes, however, lake effect snow more or less sputters out. Here in Cleveland, we note the conclusion of the lake effect phenomenon by hunkering into our overcoats, peering up at the gray sky with impending dread and saying, "Too cold to snow," to other nodding Clevelanders in layers of dark woolen clothing.

So when I woke up the other day, turned on the news and heard that snow might be coming even though Erie's damn near froze from shore to shore and said snow will be coming from Lake Huron, which is not so frozen I said, what?

Hey, Lake Huron? What are you candy-asses DOING UP THERE? Having a goddamn SWIM PARTY?

We froze our lake like your supposed to, so stop effing around and sending that shit down here. We got more than we can handle as it is! Now go on and freeze your lake and don't ask any questions.


Hal said...

Back during the dreaded winter of 1977, there was an icicle that formed on the drainage thingy and extended all the way down to the grown. That icicle could kill people.

THere was also so much snow that made the snowbanks on our driveway so high, you couldn't see over them.

It rained today in Los Angeles. The temperature is 46 degrees right now.

glittergirl said...

i love that you're bossing the weather. if anyone can get the damned weather to "straighten up & fly right", it's you.

Anonymous said...

I lived on Lake Michigan for 6 winters and never did figure out what the "lake effect" actually was. As far as I could tell, it meant "not only is it fucking freezing but the weather forecast will only be marginally related to whatever horrible thing blows in from the north about 25% of the time."

Thanks for the clarification!

Say hi to Frosty for me.

Anonymous said...

Call Al Gore and tell him you can't handle much more global warming. Winters up there are reminding me what it was like when I was a kid.

James Old Guy

Zen Wizard said...

I'm surprised Canada isn't
b!tchin' that we are "stealing their snow."

Amy L. Hanna said...

What glittergirl said - and be careful of frostbitten wagging fingers.

Anonymous said...

Lake effing Effect Snow my ass!!! I got tired of that shit and moved down here, where it's about 50 degrees and cloudy. Yeah, I know, you're prolly saying something like, "Jeez, Brennan's really got some sand in his va-jay-jay for giving up like that!", but yeah, it wore me out.
I did have to laugh when you mentioned random strangers commenting that "It's too cold to snow." Aahhh... such fond memories...


Kirk Jusko said...

On what glittergirl said about you "bossing the weather." I'm not sure, but you just might be old enough to remember this:


or Erin O'brien!

Mack said...

My family lives in Alpena, MI on lake Huron. They got close to 60 inches a couple of weeks ago. If they even threaten snow here in Virginia Beach, VA they shut down the schools and go into lock down. We are pansy asses.

Norm said...

According to noted climate scientist and alleged Canadian, Gordon Lightfoot, Lake Huron "rolls."

You are welcome.