Monday, November 10, 2008

American tragedy

Hef? Baby? You are killing me, man. I see your number one flame--that Holly chick--is hanging out with Criss Angel. Despite having very little patience for you Hefbaby, even I feel sorry for you over that.

Oh and lookie here.

Little Kendra is going to fly the coup as well.
But how truly upset are you over this? That broad was slightly less charming than a case of venereal warts.

I wonder what other playthings the Girls Next Door have been amusing themselves with. After all, Hefbaby, how much Viagra can one man take? Oh no. Now I just skimmed that link and found out Bridgit is actually married to some guy here in Ohio. Wonder if it's Joe the Plumber.

Please tell me your staff isn't out there finding replacements. Oops, I've typed too soon--here come the Shannon Twins.

Good lordie, Hefbaby. Couldn't you do better than this? Look at that one chick's eyebrows! Of course, none of these broads look so great sans Photoshop.

I hate to say I told you so, but I told you so. You were a brilliant culture phenomenon, perhaps the most stunning example of a self-made American icon. Now you're just a caricature of yourself. It bums me out. Too bad you didn't step out when the party was flying at it's highest.

Aren't you tired, Hef? Isn't it time to sip some warm milk, do those jammies proper and just lay down for a nap?

12 comments:

Anonymous said...

My prostate aches for Hef.

RJ

P.S. Wish we could persuade him to run old episodes of "Playboy After Dark". He had some giants on that show.

deangc said...

Hefner, and Playboy, has been a cultural dead-end since about 1980.

I have to restrain myself lest you set me off. I have work to do. Maybe I'll write about Hefner and Playboy later.

swine said...

oh man, this is fucking laughable...this old fucking man in his fucking pajamas. he's become such a lousy caricature--if he wasn't one already. he's going down in shameless flames. like de up above said; he's been dead for almost 30 years. let's let him play his beloved backgammon in the Grotto and move on.

Zen Wizard said...

I wondered about those twins--I mean, if they weren't TWINS, they would look more like something I would see on "Cops!" walking out of the trailer in a bathrobe and curlers and pointing to the dude in the wifebeater jumping over the steel mesh fence. Then delaying the police officer's pursuit by asking him for a light for the dangling Marlboro.

Since they are twins, I guess, they do trigger a certain fantasy I admit. To be a typical Playboy Aryan shiksa fantasy, however, they are going to need a little cosmetic "work"--their faces are a little too round and they obviously have weird noses and bags under their eyes. Their complexions don't look too healthy by LA standards, either.

That brings up a point--who wants to be 82-years-old and wake up to a freakin' party with a bunch of moochers in their house every day?

I mean I am only 51 and already I would rather just microwave some Swanson meatloaf and watch "Charlie Rose"--in the quiet, without a bunch of 21-year-old leeches hanging around and Criss Angel trying to hit on my old lady after I gave him some free hors d'ouevres.

I mean his seminal work in "Cannibal Women in the Avocado Jungle of Death" notwithstanding, I don't want Bill Maher in my house mooching off me and drinking my beer every night. Even though he might share all his contrivedly contrarian political "insights" with me.

philbilly said...

GND 3: Was it blue?"

GND 2: "Bluer than ever. And it smelled bad. Took forever too.

Now I have to walk around all day laughing, dang you, O'brien!

Velvet Fog said...

You don't leave that job until grim death pulls you out by your teeth.

At least I wouldn't think so.

stefaddink said...

Every time Kendra laughs, a kitten dies. I swear it's true.

Have fun Hank.

Erin O'Brien said...

So that's why I see so many darling little puff-ball kitties writhing in agony whenever I breeze by E! and the girls are on ....

Zen Wizard said...

What does he TALK to these chicks about?

They probably think Bess Myerson is the Borden Dairy mascot.

Amy L. Hanna said...

They grow up so fast, don't they, Erin?

Heh.

Jarvis Rockhall said...

I'm not normally one to criticize a master but you can't seriously think that Hugh Hefner is "perhaps the most stunning example of a self-made American icon."

There are so many better people to choose! Henry T Ford springs to mind, as does Carnegie, the Rockefellers etc...

I would suggest that Hugh Hefner is perhaps the most stunning example of the raw soul-consuming power of capitalism, which so horribly transforms ordinary, honest people into garish pathetic stereotypes by playing upon their greed and vanity.

So yeah, I've had a bad day...

Erin O'Brien said...

JR: Hef is obviously no comparison to any of those, but he strictly in the 'pop culture' column to me.