Hef? Baby? You are killing me, man. I see your number one flame--that Holly chick--is hanging out with Criss Angel. Despite having very little patience for you Hefbaby, even I feel sorry for you over that.
Oh and lookie here.
Little Kendra is going to fly the coup as well. But how truly upset are you over this? That broad was slightly less charming than a case of venereal warts.
I wonder what other playthings the Girls Next Door have been amusing themselves with. After all, Hefbaby, how much Viagra can one man take? Oh no. Now I just skimmed that link and found out Bridgit is actually married to some guy here in Ohio. Wonder if it's Joe the Plumber.
Please tell me your staff isn't out there finding replacements. Oops, I've typed too soon--here come the Shannon Twins.
Good lordie, Hefbaby. Couldn't you do better than this? Look at that one chick's eyebrows! Of course, none of these broads look so great sans Photoshop.
I hate to say I told you so, but I told you so. You were a brilliant culture phenomenon, perhaps the most stunning example of a self-made American icon. Now you're just a caricature of yourself. It bums me out. Too bad you didn't step out when the party was flying at it's highest.
Aren't you tired, Hef? Isn't it time to sip some warm milk, do those jammies proper and just lay down for a nap?