1. Ronald Reagan rose from the dead last night in order to successfully puppeteer a glass-eyed doll from Alaska as she regurgitate a memorized speech. Who'd-a thunk it?
2. Take a dollar from your wallet. Measure it with a ruler. I'm getting about six and one eighth by two and five eighths inches. Mark down your own findings! Wait a few hours, say, until the House passes the bailout behemoth, then measure that dollar again. How much has it shrunk?
3. I cannot understand why George Bush, Dick Cheney and Karl Rove are free men.
4. An estimated 47 percent of the American public are going to vote for Grampa 'Cain on purpose.
5. If those same polls are right, I may actually be broadcasting from a BLUE state for once. Hallelujah Ohio!