Tuesday, September 30, 2008

The bisexual post

In order to honor our leader's bipartisanship politics and because I need a break but cannot really take one as this is not a religious holiday for me like it is for some, I offer this bisexual post.

Ladies:
why is it that a bottle of facial moisturizer goes from 100 percent full to 10 percent full in about eight weeks, then goes from 10 percent full to empty in about three weeks?

Gentlemen:
why is it that my Mini Cooper fuel gauge (as well every other fuel gauge on every other car I've driven) goes from full to a quarter tank over the course of 250 miles, then goes from a quarter tank to empty in about 75 miles?

Now then, the following is sexual, but not necessarily bisexual (you will see boobies , but no nice hard thick throbbing members). As good Americans, I suggest you go over here and view the dirty version of the trailer for Pirates: Stagnetti's Revenge. I don't know why, but it made me laugh like hell.

For those needing to continue a political discussion, please go to the comment bisextion in the previous post as there seems to be a lot of that sort of action over there.

I will be popping in and out. For now, I am going to do something simple that I can understand and clean the house.

Dutifully yours,

Erin O'Brien
American
Writer
Human Being
Sexually Interested Participant
Usual Suspect
Purveyor of Truth
Housewife

7 comments:

swine said...

back to the 70s.
there's some sort of actual plot, albeit retarded.

Erin O'Brien said...

fucking hell! you are brilliant!

Glass Houses said...

I can answer the gas tank question, even though I'm a dame.

The reason your gas tank says it's empty after 75 miles is because of where the floater is set. It's set to read empty even with a little reserved so that you go get gas BEFORE you run out...in case the next gas station is more than 8.3 miles away.

Chances are, that last quarter tank will go the entire 83.3 miles you deserve, if you try really hard.

Geoff Schutt said...

Erin, I see that you put being "American" ahead of being a "human being." Then again, going from first to last, "American Housewife," encompasses all of the others.

The italics are playing with my head.

deangc said...

Your gas gauge is like your cell phone battery bars. Cell phone battery bars lie like fricken tarmac. Mine has three greens for about 2/3 of its battery life, probably 3-4 days, then it drops to two and then one in a hell of a hurry. They do this so that 1. you think that your battery is better than it is and 2. yoiu make more phone calls.

Gas gauges are somewhat similar, except that they show E before they're really E because it isn't a great advertisement for Mini to have them sitting on the side of the road because they're out of gas.

philbilly said...

The fuel gauge in your Mini does in fact speed up when nearing empty. By manipulating the design and some inherent characteristics of the 12 volt electrical D'arsonvalMeter in your dash, smaller movements of the float device, or fuel sending unit, result in larger movement of the needle. This gives the driver better ability to match driving style to fuel consumption.

Obama was right BTW, when he connected tire pressure to fuel mileage, much bigger influence than people might be aware. Get a decent gauge,HarborFreight,
and use once a week.

Warning, Harbor Freight is all made in China. The stuff we used to make before Wall Street financialized our economy. The quality keeps getting better, bully for the Chinese. Fuck Wall Street and Clowngress, let em' hang, we'll be alright, we already know how to tough it out, most of us. All the handwringers forget what their forebears came through, time for a dose.

Amy L. Hanna said...

I never did like story problems in any math class I've had.

:::shudder:::