So I'm walking down West 6th Street after leaving a cocktail party. I had to park a couple of blocks away, but that was fine. Sure I had my high heels on, but who doesn't love a stroll through the cool hipster Warehouse District?
Then I spy this right outside of Johnny's Downtown Bar and Grill.
I stop, look over my shoulder, look over my other shoulder, then give it a poke.
Curiosity got the best of me.
Thank god I'd just had some lovely sushi and chardonnay. But how hungry would I have had to be to eat it? After all, this was probably some ritzy Kobe beef burger from XO or the Metropolitan.
Oh, don't be so smug. Haven't you ever watched another diner push away a plate that had a lingering bit or two on it and and wish you had the balls to say, "Excuse me, but are you going to eat that shrimp?"
Okay, so this was no shrimp.
But who left mystery burger here? A man or woman? And why? Did she change his mind about taking it home? Did he set it down to retrieve something she dropped, then, realizing he had set it on a garbage can, decide it was no longer suitable for her consumption?
Was he alone? With a sig other? With a first date?
It was a cheeseburger. The cheese was white.
Emergencies such as this fluster me to no end. What could I do?
I'll do this: For your safety and convenience, I have worked up the following valuation schedule for mystery burger:
Before ordering: $20
Upon serving: $10 (a gourmet burger never lives up to its hype on a visual basis)
After first bite: $15 (but it does taste good, and that is one hell of a lot of mashed potato)
After 50 percent consumption: $3 (the eater is stuffed, but respects the protein/caloric value of the remnants)
After waiter boxes item: $1 (it is a shitty looking box--in fact, now that I look at it, I doubt this was from XO Steakhouse or the Metropolitan Cafe, it was probably from John Q's, which is another story entirely, but hey, I'm here now and I'm not turning back)
After box is set on municipal garbage can: $0
After Erin spies box: $5 (attention and curiosity have got to be worth something)
After Erin pokes and fiddles with box, opens it and starts taking pix with her phone cam: $10 (can you imagine how entertaining this was to the people noshing on the Patio of Johnny's Downtown?)
After Erin recloses the lid, puts the box back in the bag and leaves it exactly as she found it: $0
Upon being discovered by the next person: $? (are they hungry, curious or indifferent? a whole new flow chart blooms just thinking about it .... )
People, welcome to my world.