Wednesday, March 19, 2008

Rainy Day dollar stretcher

In my column this week, I pit slumgullion against Hamburger Helper to see which one does a housewife armed with a pound of ground beef proud. Considering the United States is tumbling into recession, it's perfect timing! After all, Hamburger Helper is only about a dollar a box.

Those RoTel tomatoes are rockin' hot. This was the first time I tried them (they always seemed weird to me). Now I'm going to put them in everything we eat.

Although many recipes called for macaroni, I used old potatoes with lots of gnarly eyes for the slumgullion. Just about every recipe I found was different. The scariest one used canned corned beef and bacon as the main ingredients. Read "RainSpirit's" entry about halfway down the page on this thread for the complete recipe. That said, I must admit that I'd like nothing better than to plop down with RainSpirit and dig into a plate of his Gramp's slumgullion. That guy's got a lot of heart.

Look at how shitty the Hamburger Helper looked in the pan.

"Rich Brown" costs 50 cents for a box of eight packets at the local discount grocery. This darling concoction of MSG, maltodextrin, onion powder, caramel color, spices, disodium guanylate and disodium inosinate "is a delicious broth and a seasoning that brings out the best in food flavors" according to the box.


I just had to sprinkle some into the slumgullion.

Left to right: Cheeseburger Macaroni Hamburger Helper ("Naturally Flavored Pasta & Cheesy Sauce Mix") made according to the instructions on the box; and Erin's slumgullion.

Several blobs of powdered "Cheesy Sauce Mix" failed to transform into anything but gross bombs in the Hamburger Helper. I'd list the Hamburger Helper ingredients, but it's just too damn terrifying. I'll bet Betty Crocker never even ate this shit.

The Goat enjoyed his meal along with a $3.29 bottle of Matthew Fox's finest.

I had to resist the urge to dump a can of chili beans in the slumgullion. It would have given it an unfair advantage as chili beans improve any ground beef dish and the Hamburger Helper needed all the help it could get. Turns out that the slumgullion didn't even need no stinkin' beans--I loved it and will be making it again soon.

I recommend that everyone try this fabulous dish. If for no other reason, you'll love the satisfaction you'll get by saying "Eat your slumgullion," to your kid.


Mone said...

hahaha, what a great story in the free times. For all of you lazy tards out there who dont follow erins link, I#m NOT going to tell who won.
PS: Love the word slumgullion too, a new one I'll widely use around my house from now on =)

Velvet Fog said...

You forgot to cuss and swear and call us batches and quars and mother effers and all that.
I love that.
I've got issues.

Carol said...

Notice how the HH uses the word "CHEESY" rather than cheese. I can hear the product developers now " . . .looks like cheese, kinda tastes like cheese, but definitely NOT cheese. . . I guess we'll go with "cheesy" so we don't get in trouble with the dairy board."

Kamper said...

Nothing says 'wine connoisseir' like a Cleveland Browns glass! Now that's the picture of suave sophistication. Reminds me of my brother drinking his martini from a glass with Cedar Point Amusement Park on the side -- you know, shaken (like the Dodge'Ems) not stirred (like the Rotor).

Diane Vogel Ferri said...

you are the true domestic goddess.

josh williams said...

Slumgullion wood be the name of my pirate ship, were I a pirate.

Amy L. Hanna said...

Yeah! What Velvet Fog typed.
You must have given the sailor's cap the night off.

Interesting concoction, though.

Hooray for Fiestaware!

Cappy said...

armed with a pound of ground beef

Easy for you to say, from the comfort of the West Side. Now you've done it. Our local East Side Libtards will read this and ban ground beef as a weapon.

They will only get my meat when they pry it from my cold, dead hands!


I have the Falcons version of those cocktail glasses. That just makes your day, doesn't it?

I knew it would.

Museful said...

Something to go with your slimgullion-