Thursday, November 01, 2007


Here ye and behold this, the unmarked National Day of FunSize Hell and Damnation on the first day of the month of November in the two thousand seventh year of Our Lord.

Say I: Let it rain down upon me and I shall have no fear. KitKats and Butterfingers and Snickers, Starburst and Reese's and Hershey. Tootsie and Mallow and Milky walk gracelessly with Roll and Cup and Way. Blood sugar be damned.

Bless me Father for I have Sinned.

If thine tooth enamel offend thee, let it decay!

Peace be with you.

Awash in temptation and loosened molar crowns, there before the grace of God go I.

And also with you.

Weakened, I tumble into the fiery pit of partial hydrogenation.





kilax said...

This is one prayer I can remember saying in church :-)

james2285 said...

What the f--k is fun about small size anyway. Real fun is the giant size is it not?

Maureen McHugh said...

I believe in the importance of chocolate, but I also always include something non-chocolate. This may mark me as the Unitarian of Halloween candy religious distinctions.

This year I did include in the mix gummy eye-balls. And lo, they were unto the supplicants a great big hit. And the supplicants proclaimed, 'Trick or treat--wow! Gummy eyeballs! Those are cool!' And the supplicants did put two items in their bags because this year their numbers were few and of candy there was much. And so they got gummy eyeballs and Milk Duds, if they so desired.

And it was good.

Charles Lambert said...

Is this all about chocolate?

Lipp said...

Nougat be with you my friend.

Scarlet Hip said...

I am reading this with a half-masticated Tootsie Roll in my mouth. Praise be to chocolate.

deangc said...

The cool thing about them is that they are Fun-Size! and thus the little fuckers contain no calories.